


Falling Fast and Hard

by blackchaps



Category: Oz (TV)
Genre: M/M, Physical Disability, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-27
Updated: 2013-05-27
Packaged: 2017-12-13 02:37:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 72,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/818970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackchaps/pseuds/blackchaps
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is what really happened after Keller fell off the cell block.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Falling Fast and Hard

*******

"Everyone thinks he‛s dead."

"But, he‛s not."

"He‛ll die. Keep him isolated."

Nathan glared at the warden, but it didn‛t do any good. She‛d worked her ass off to save Keller, and he wasn‛t going to die. He might be brain dead from the time it took her to resuscitate him, but his body hadn‛t quit on her since. She went back to the tiny closet that had become Keller‛s personal ICU.

"You‛re not giving up on me, are you?"

Keller breathed but didn‛t answer. He looked peaceful. There was no flailing, groaning, or involuntary muscle contractions - nothing but a small smile on his face. She had noticed that he did open in his eyes, but what he saw was between him and God. There was one nurse that she trusted with his care; she‛d given up on getting him to a real hospital. The warden had refused to consider it. Waste of money. Waste of time. Keller was as good as dead.

**********

Toby stared out the bus window. Nice day for a ride. He almost giggled. Em City was officially gone, and he had a hard time giving a damn. They‛d put him somewhere. It wouldn‛t change the facts. Chris was dead, and so were more than a few Aryan fucks.

Good job, Chris.

**********

"I can‛t leave him!"

McManus raised his hands high. ‟Then figure something out. Transfer him. No one is going to give a fuck. He‛s a damn vegetable!‟

Nathan didn‛t believe that. Progress had been made, but she wasn‛t going to mention it. "Give me fifteen minutes."  
"You have it, and then the hazmat guys are taping the doors shut!"

Nathan rushed to the phone. She had a friend she could call. If no one truly cared, it was time to get him moved.

*********

Toby shuffled off the bus and took a deep breath of New York air. ‟Rikers. Lovely. Really.‟ Someone laughed. He didn‛t see who. The hacks started yelling about this and that, and he put himself on remote control, going through the motions. When it was over, he was standing in a cell with O‛Reily. They shrugged at each other and made their cots.

"We‛re fucked."

"As usual." Toby crawled up and lay down. He shut his eyes and saw Chris - falling, always falling.

*********

"Take care of him." Nathan pushed the heavy file at her best friend from medical school. "Please."

‟I will.‟ She would. She was the best, and she smiled. ‟You always did get attached. Where‛re you going now?‟

‟Rikers.‟ Nathan couldn‛t find a smile in her soul. ‟I have a friend there.‟

‟You‛ll like it. It‛s a well-run facility.‟ She hefted the file. ‟I have plenty of reading to do. I‛ll call regularly.‟

‟Thank you.‟ Nathan shut the ambulance doors and waved as they left the prison grounds. Keller didn‛t know it - he might never know anything - but he‛d just caught a lucky break. He was on his way to a prison hospital where they actually cared about their patients. There, he‛d get the best treatment there was to be had for prisoners in New York. It might be enough. She stripped off her latex gloves, content that she‛d done the right thing for once.

‟Dr. Nathan!‟

She almost didn‛t turn around, but the manners her mother had given her won out. ‟Yes, Warden?‟

‟I imagine you‛re gloating about sending him to a hospital.‟ Querns glared at her. ‟He‛s as good as dead!‟

‟He was my patient. I owed him my best.‟ She wanted to slap him with her gloves.

Querns got far too close to her face. ‟Forget him.You can start work on turning part of cellblock three into a new hospital. Now.‟

‟No. You can kiss my ass.‟ Nathan threw her gloves at his feet. She stood straight and proud, feeling strong for the first time in days. ‟You sanctimonious prick.‟

‟Just as well.‟ Querns curled his lip. ‟You‛re fired.‟

Nathan laughed and went to get her purse. She hoped she liked Rikers. It would be a welcome change, and Ryan would be there. There was no one in this world she loved as much as Ryan O‛Reily.

*********

Prison was boring. So boring. But this was a new level of dull. ‟Ryan, I have never been so fucking bored.‟

‟Me neither. I‛m watching my hair grow.‟ O‛Reily sounded serious. ‟How many times have we talked about when they‛re letting us out?‟

‟Ten. Or twenty. Fuck if I know.‟ Toby rolled to his stomach, tucked the pillow under his chin, and stared out the bars at nothing but a brick wall. The cell was so small that they couldn‛t get up at the same time without bumping into each other. It had been built to house one man, not two. Three feet away from the bars was a tan brick wall. The hacks would occasionally walk down the row, and it was not a good fucking idea to have an arm outside the bars. ‟Shower or phone?‟

‟Shower. Who would I call?‟ O‛Reily sighed. ‟I hope Gloria got out okay.‟

‟I hope they remembered to bury Chris, not just throw him out with the garbage.‟ Toby had heard more about Gloria than he cared to, but he understood. He thought about Chris more than was good for him. Had one of his wives claimed the body? Toby clutched his hands together. He hadn‛t shed one tear for that fuck, and he wouldn‛t. He wouldn‛t.

‟I‛m going to try for the phone.‟

‟Better run like hell.‟ O‛Reily snorted. ‟Ten minutes ain‛t nothing.‟

Toby was going to run, and he was going to beat the shit out of anyone in his way. ‟By the smell, I‛d say it‛ll be soon.‟

O‛Reily didn‛t answer. Toby stared at the wall. He blinked and thought he dimly heard Chris calling for him. Fuck. He was going crazy again.

*********

‟Marsha!‟

‟Yeah, what?‟ Marsha didn‛t slow down for her head nurse. She had things to do.

‟How‛s Mr. Potato Head?‟

‟Hey, have some respect.‟ Marsha shot him a glare, but it wouldn‛t do any good. She slammed the door in his face and went to her patient. ‟Chris, how‛s the day?‟

Chris didn‛t answer, but she saw his eyes track her. He wasn‛t a vegetable, but he wasn‛t very responsive either. She worked with him for over an hour, and she was pleased at his progress. It had been three months since his injury, and he might have a breakthrough soon. It was possible. His eyes seemed to frown at her when she smoothed the covers, tucking gently.

‟At least your bowels work on their own.‟ She knew he hated the diaper. He shut his eyes for one second, and then he opened them. Instead of pulling up the guard rail, she sat down to talk. She was ahead of schedule today. ‟Blink once if you love me.‟

He blinked instantly. She‛d known that he would. It was a game they played. He was slow, but not a vegetable, no matter what some of the nurses said. The ones he hated, he wouldn‛t even open his eyes for, and she understood completely. In fact, it was a technique that she considered using on bad days.

She smiled at him. ‟Blink three times if you want to start walking.‟ She held her breath. She‛d never asked so much from him. There was a long pause, and she gave up, but then, he blinked three times and let out a soft sound that might have been a sigh. She stared in astonishment. ‟Chris, if you‛re ready, so am I. Listen now, your injury was to your brain, not your body. The only thing slowing you down is you.‟

He shut his eyes. Maybe he couldn‛t bear to hear it. She didn‛t know. It was a miracle he was alive, and he‛d always carry a concave spot on the back of his skull that no amount of hair would completely cover. Considering he‛d fallen a good distance, he was lucky he hadn‛t severed his spinal cord. She picked up one of his hands and massaged it. He was still strong, but it wouldn‛t last much longer. It was time to get him moving, if he could. If his brain would allow it. She made sure he was comfortable, grabbed up his chart, and went to find a physical therapist. They had two on staff, and she hoped that Chris liked one of them, which one would be the trick. He was a picky guy.

*********

The hack swung his nightstick at Toby‛s reaching hand. Toby yelled and tried to grab it. O‛Reily pulled on him, but he fought. He had to get out of here! Not one more minute! Not one!

‟Get back, you fucker!‟ The hack took a hard swing at the exact instant that O‛Reily yanked, and Toby heard the bone in his arm snap.

‟Fuck!‟ Toby collapsed down to the floor, his broken arm swinging uselessly. Pain and more pain and he was afraid that he whimpered softly. ‟Fuck,‟ he whispered.

‟You broke it! You asshole!‟ O‛Reily screamed. ‟Get him a goddamn doctor!‟

‟God fucking damn,‟ the hack complained. ‟Get on your bunk, O‛Reily. Now!‟

Toby cradled his arm, rocked, and let the pain tell him he was alive. He didn‛t try to get up when the door opened, and the hack pulled him to his feet, shoving him out.

‟You stupid fucker.‟ The hack took him, and they stopped at the main door. ‟Hospital. Broken arm.‟

‟Jerry, I‛ve warned you. That‛s the third one this year!‟

‟It wasn‛t me.‟ The hack shook Toby hard. ‟Right?‟

Toby bit his lip so he didn‛t cry out. He choked, ‟I fell off my bunk.‟ He knew the rules. One bad word and they‛d kick his ass first chance they got and O‛Reily too. Satisfied, they let him go, and he tried not to throw up by breathing through his mouth, tasting so much familiar pain.

‟Wait your fucking turn, loser.‟ The hack shackled Toby‛s legs to a chair. Toby had never thought he‛d hate a prison more than Oz, but he was doing hard time now. No more cushy Em City with books and a job and a TV. Even with daily ass fuckings, it had been better than this place. His arm throbbed in time with his heart, and he hoped they got to him before he passed out.

‟Toby, are you sure it‛s broken?‟

Toby thought he was dreaming for a second. He stood to hug her, desperate for a kind face, and his arm flopped. She groaned. He smiled because it was really her. ‟It‛s broken.‟

‟No kidding.‟ She waited for the hack to unlock Toby‛s legs and then took him to a room. ‟You look tired.‟

‟This place is hell.‟ Toby hated to complain right off the bat, but when having a broken arm was better than five more minutes in his cell, things were pretty bad. ‟Ryan misses you. Talks about you constantly.‟

Her face lit up. ‟You‛re with him?‟

‟Yeah. I was lucky there.‟ Toby ignored what she was doing to his arm, even though it hurt like a motherfucker. ‟He loves you.‟

‟Tell him that I love him.‟ She sighed. ‟Toby, it broke in the same place. I think you might need a pin.‟

‟Shit.‟ Toby reached out with his good hand, just to touch her - make sure she was real. ‟Why are they doing this to us?‟

She made him lie down. ‟Querns won‛t take you back. He told the warden here at Rikers that you were all hard cases. That‛s what I heard.‟

‟Rebadow? Busmalis?‟ Toby thought another few months of this might kill them. ‟I fucking hate Querns.‟

‟Me too.‟ She turned him loose. ‟X-rays and then maybe surgery. You‛re going to be here awhile.‟

Toby was so relieved. ‟Can you find a way to help us?‟

She didn‛t promise him anything, but she stuck with him through the rest of the day. The pin would be a temporary one, and he would be on vitamins and pain killers. Seeing her gave him some hope - hope that they wouldn‛t rot here forever.

*********

‟Come on, Chris. Push!‟

Chris bit his lip, but his arm didn‛t move.

Marsha stayed out of the way, but she wasn‛t leaving, not until she was sure that Chris was in the right hands.

‟You can do it, Chris. You can do anything!‟

That was Mac. He was good with the patients and well-liked, but Marsha wasn‛t sure. Chris turned his head just enough to see her, which was progress right there, and shut his eyes. He didn‛t make another move. Mac pleaded, begged, and got very noisy in a cheerleader sort of way, but this interview was over.

‟Enough, Mac. Go to your next patient.‟ Marsha patted him on the back. ‟You did your best.‟

‟Too much brain damage.‟ Mac looked regretful. ‟Sorry. I know you like him.‟

Marsha didn‛t waste her breath correcting him. She ushered him out and went to Chris. ‟One more guy. If you don‛t like him, you‛re screwed.‟

Chris opened his eyes, and Marsha would have sworn that they were twinkling. She went to the door and pulled her next victim inside. ‟Chris, this is my good friend, John Marrone. Everyone calls him Johnny, except me, I call him jackass most of the time.‟

Chris blinked. Marsha took that as a good sign. ‟He‛s all yours.‟

Johnny looked at her and then him and back to her again. ‟Marsha, I don‛t think he can handle me. You know I‛m not a happy person.‟

‟Chris could make you cry.‟ Marsha raised her eyebrows. ‟Have at it.‟

‟Fine.‟ Johnny cracked his knuckles. ‟Chris, my job is to get your ass out of that damn bed so you can shit on the toilet instead of in a fucking diaper. Are you with me?‟

Marsha held her breath. Chris‛s eyes widened and then he blinked - twice. That was a yes. Johnny groaned. ‟Shit. I was hoping I could leave. All right. Fuck. Marsha, get your ass out. Chris and I don‛t need you staring at us.‟

Chris blinked twice again. Marsha walked out without another word. She leaned against the door and sighed with pure relief. That was a big first step.

*********

‟You are shitting me!‟

Toby had made sure the hack was long gone before dropping the news. ‟No. Come here.‟ He got on O‛Reily‛s bunk and they sat close enough to talk without being overheard. ‟I have something for you.‟

O‛Reily looked as if he might cry. ‟Are you fucking with me?‟

‟No.‟ Toby stuck his finger in his cast and slowly pulled out a note that had been tightly folded and inserted carefully. ‟This is for you. From her. She loves you - fuck if I know why.‟

O‛Reily‛s hands shook. ‟She works here?‟

‟She hates Querns as much as we do. He‛s the reason the warden here is breaking our balls.‟ Toby had weaseled phone time while he was in the hospital, and he had called his father‛s law firm. Maybe, just maybe, there was help on the way, but he wasn‛t going to hold his breath. O‛Reily‛s eyes were fixed on the paper, and Toby left him with it. It wasn‛t much, but Toby would have killed for a letter from anyone, so O‛Reily was one lucky fucker.

‟She loves me,‟ O‛Reily said softly.

Toby didn‛t think that needed an answer. He went to stare out the bars, adjusting his sling so his arm rested more comfortably. The wall stared back at him, and he closed his eyes. Chris fell again, died right before Toby‛s eyes, and Toby nearly flinched, but he wouldn‛t cry. If he did cry - in the deepest part of the night - it was for himself, stuck in this fucking place. O‛Reily was so fucking lucky.

*********

‟Chris! Go, you fucker!‟

Marsha shut the door quietly and held her breath, but Chris didn‛t see her. He was completely focused. His foot moved in a measurement of inches, and he collapsed. Johnny caught him.

‟You asshole,‟ Johnny crooned. ‟Making me wait for that.‟

Chris was obviously exhausted, and Marsha lent a hand getting him out from between the bars of the walking appartus and back to his room. ‟What‛s the prognosis, Johnny?‟

‟Fucker‛s gonna make it.‟ Johnny didn‛t smile. He caught Chris‛s hand and squeezed it. ‟His arms are much stronger than his legs. He is going to fucking hate a wheelchair!‟

Marsha saw the truth of that on Chris‛s face. ‟Okay, jackass. Get the hell out.‟

Johnny laughed, gave Chris a peace sign, and swaggered out. Chris‛s lips tugged and Marsha thought that was a smile.

‟Do you have a word for me today?‟ Marsha had been pushing him to talk. It was clear that he understood most of what was said.

Chris blinked once. That was no. Marsha marveled again at how incredibly stubborn this man was. She sighed. ‟You could tell me how much you love me.‟

He winked at her. She laughed. He was doing better. Another year and he could be walking out of this room. Maybe so. She made sure that he was comfortable, clean, and made up her mind to call Gloria. Gloria might need some good news.

*********

‟Promise me you‛ll tell her that I love her.‟

‟I did last time!‟ Toby tapped his cast. ‟And I have your note. She‛ll get it. Chill!‟

O‛Reily growled something and looked as if he wanted to murder someone. One of the hacks opened the door, and Toby didn‛t look back. He was getting the fuck out of there.

Nathan smiled and escorted him to an examination room. ‟Any swelling?‟ She ran her hands over the cast and stuck her fingers in the ends. Toby shook his head and watched her find the note. She stuffed it in her pocket and pushed a new one deep. ‟Wiggle your fingers.‟

Toby did that. ‟He said to tell you that he loves you.‟

‟Tell him back.‟ She got out the blood pressure cuff. ‟Are you taking the vitamins?‟

‟Yes.‟ He watched her work. ‟Do you have any good news for us?‟

Nathan took his pulse first. ‟I‛m pushing everyone I can.‟ She put on her stethoscope and listened to his hearts and lungs. When she was done, she said, ‟I need to get something. Don‛t use the phone.‟

‟I won‛t,‟ Toby lied. He pushed in the numbers furiously. There had to be a way to get out of this hell hole before he went stark raving mad.

*********

‟Okay, asswipe, listen up. I didn‛t install all this new shit so you could lie there and look pretty!‟ Johnny tightened the last bolt, and Marsha double-checked it. ‟One accident and Marsha here will slap your ass back in diapers like the baby you are!‟

‟Shut up, jackass.‟ Marsha glared, but she was glad that he‛d mentioned it. ‟Even if it is true.‟

Chris made a soft noise, deep in his throat, and they both shut up to look at him. He slowly brought his arm up and flexed the muscle. Marsha laughed. ‟What a showoff.‟

‟He‛s cut.‟ Johnny grinned. ‟He can do it if you don‛t medicate him to the point of a damn coma.‟

‟As if.‟ Marsha made sure everything was perfect. ‟Got any words for Johnny the jackass, Chris?‟

Chris licked his lips, and he made a soft hissing noise. Marsha felt her head swell from pride. Her patient was kicking ass today.

Johnny gave Chris some skin. ‟You‛re welcome, my man.‟

Marsha threw Johnny out and gave Chris some serious attention. He still had one bedsore on his lower back, and she watched it carefully. Chris was much stronger than he had been even a month ago, but he was still immobile too much of the time

‟Work on flexing whenever you can, and Johnny will teach you how to dress yourself.‟ Marsha smoothed Chris‛s hair back. ‟I know you‛re bored out of your mind.‟

Chris blinked for yes. Marsha didn‛t have a solution for that, not yet, but she‛d think of something. He was well enough to interact with other people now, but this was a prison, and they had to be careful that he wasn‛t hurt further. She waved goodbye and went to her next patient. The problem of Chris stuck with her though, and she made up her mind to make it better. His mind needed stimulation too, not just his legs.

*********

‟Beech, I think I‛m sick.‟

Toby didn‛t even look at him. ‟Yeah. Right.‟ He laced his hands behind his head. ‟The hacks won‛t give a shit.‟

‟Maybe if I threw up or something.‟ O‛Reily made a gross noise, but no one cared. Toby had milked his arm for all it was worth, but unless it broke again, he wasn‛t going back to the hospital. The pin was gone. The cast was gone. He was fine. It was a bitch but true. He was well enough to do nothing but lie around and think about shit that he shouldn‛t.

There was a sudden clang, and all the doors down the block opened up. Toby could only stare. His heart beat fast, but before he could bolt, they heard, ‟Roll it up! Get your shit, or leave it behind!‟

‟We‛re moving,‟ Toby said softly. He got his stuff quickly and stepped out. The hacks made them line up, and he made sure to stick with O‛Reily.

‟Straight line. Follow along! Any trouble and you will regret it!‟

Toby walked and prayed they weren‛t going to the really bad part of the prison. They went up two flights of stairs, and down a long row of open doors.

‟Lock down! Lock down!‟

Toby and O‛Reily threw their shit on their new cots and watched the door shut. ‟Third floor,‟ Toby said.

‟If it gets bad, we can jump.‟ O‛Reily went to look out. Toby did the same. He swallowed hard and tried not to think of Chris. O‛Reily laughed. ‟Look Ma, I‛m flying!‟

Toby bolted to the toilet, dropped to his knees, and threw up.

**********

Marsha came through the door fast as was her habit, but she stopped just as quickly. She was a doctor, and she knew more about men‛s bodies than her mother had intended. Chris‛s eyes were shut, but his hand was getting a workout. Marsha had noticed previously that Chris‛s dick worked fine.

Chris made a soft sound. It might have been a name. She wasn‛t sure, and she left quietly. Chris wouldn‛t appreciate being interrupted. He was thinking like a man again, and she smiled. It wouldn‛t be long and she‛d be sending this little duckling back to the pond. That was the best part of her job, seeing her patients on their feet, strong again. Chris would get there, and she would be prouder of him than any other in twenty years of doing this. He‛d come the farthest. It was definitely time to take his recovery to a new level.

*********

Toby opened his new book reverently. He wanted to kiss it. ‟Did you call her?‟

O‛Reily was pacing. This cell was big enough to do that. ‟No minutes.‟

‟I‛ll give you some of mine.‟ Toby would. His brother would reload it. ‟Tomorrow, okay?‟

‟Thanks, Beech.‟ O‛Reily stopped, leaning against the wall. ‟One hour a day seems like forever.‟

Toby was damn grateful for it. ‟Are you going to start pushing drugs again?‟ He wanted the truth, watching O‛Reily‛s face carefully.

‟Here? Are you fucking insane?‟ O‛Reily snorted. ‟If we get some yard time, maybe.‟

Toby heard and saw the truth. They were subjected to both searches and random drug tests. This place had perfected the art of isolation. Querns and his crew were a bunch of losers in comparison. Of course, Querns was on the side of the druggies. That made the difference.

‟Hate this fucking place,‟ O‛Reily muttered.

‟Hate doesn‛t seem strong enough.‟ Toby wished they were on the first floor. The railing made him sweat, and he‛d already heard stories of men thrown over and men that jumped. He swallowed hard and put his eyes on the page. He‛d read. Things were better. He had to focus on that.

*********

‟I want a word, Chris.‟

Chris flipped her off. He‛d been saving that middle finger for her, and it was time. She was a pushy bitch, and if he loved her, well, that was too bad.

‟I guess fuck is the word for the day.‟ Marsha smiled at him. ‟TV room or library?‟

Chris pointed instead of talking. She sighed. She‛d thought she had him. He had given up on his voice. It wasn‛t coming back. His throat was dead, and she needed to get over it. He reached down and locked the wheels when they got to the TV room.

Marsha patted him on the shoulder. ‟You‛re on your own, handsome.‟

He ignored that. He was a damn freak, not handsome. The TV was loud, and they were watching some show about houses. He tilted his head so he could hear clearly, but some of the words he didn‛t get. His brain was fucking stupid. More stupid.

‟Hey, Chris! Up and about! Good job!‟

Chris gave Mac the finger. There was nothing worse than a happy man in a prison full of people in wheelchairs. Mac laughed and went away. Chris was glad to see him go. Someone changed the channel, and it was a basketball game. That was something he‛d never do again, but he could always run them over with his chair. He watched and enjoyed it, even though he‛d never smile.

‟Chris, you fucker!‟ Johnny sat down in a chair that he pulled up. ‟How‛s it going?‟

Chris shrugged. He did like Johnny. There were no lies from him.

‟You keep getting better, and you‛ll end up transferred back to run with the big dogs.‟ Johnny leaned close and lowered his voice. ‟Understand me?‟

Chris turned his head and looked straight at him. Johnny ducked his head. ‟Justs so ya know.‟ It had to be the truth, and it made Chris worry. He was in no shape to face someone like . . . what was his name? Chris didn‛t remember. He didn‛t remember anything before Marsha, but he knew that where he‛d been wasn‛t safe. This place was. He should stay here.

‟Want me to take you back?‟

Chris was tired, and he let Johnny do the driving. Johnny helped him get back to bed, and Chris made sure to lie on his side like Marsha had told him.

‟Rest.‟ Johnny smiled. ‟You‛re one tough motherfucker.‟

Chris was able to smile a little, and he did. If this was tough, he‛d hate to see weak. His body was less of a prison than it had been, but he was still fucked.

‟Hey, one thing I was meaning to ask. You got any family or friends that can come for visiting day? It‛s next week.‟ Johnny moved the bed slightly. He waited for an answer, but he wouldn‛t get one. Chris wasn‛t sure. He‛d have to think about it. Johnny shrugged. ‟Let me know if you do. I‛ll call them.‟

Chris didn‛t nod. He shut his eyes and tried to find a face in his scrambled brains. Once or twice, someone with blond hair had shown up in his dreams, but he didn‛t know who it was. He sighed very softly. Maybe they‛d tell him who he loved. Marsha would help him. He‛d ask her when he woke up.

**********

Toby searched through the table for some underwear that didn‛t have holes. It was time to spend some money bribing the laundry workers. This was ridiculous. He sighed and started looking for Roach. Everything in this cell block went through him, and Toby had avoided it until now. O‛Reily hadn‛t wasted any time making himself indispensable.

‟Ready to deal?‟ Roach knew the score.

Toby shrugged. ‟Depends on what you got.‟ He wasn‛t giving it all away for nothing.

‟Fresh clothes once a week. Fifty bucks a month.‟

Toby knew that was a little high from what O‛Reily had said. ‟With a book?‟ He had a reputation as someone that would buy books, and he‛d sold a few, but he needed some new ones.

Roach didn‛t let it faze him. ‟Deal. Cash only. No credit, and you pay me, not Micky.‟

‟Okay.‟ Toby wondered if O‛Reily liked his nickname. Everyone that dealt with Roach had one. Toby dug out the money and handed it over. ‟I want a book now.‟

‟Pushy fuck.‟ Roach stuffed the cash away. He looked around the cellblock. ‟Sammy, you done with that fucking book?‟

Sammy strolled over. ‟Wasn‛t no damn good. No sex in it!‟

‟Give it to Bookworm here.‟ Roach wasn‛t asking, and Toby saw that Sammy had no problem with it. Toby caught the book and nodded. He was glad to have it, and his nickname could have been worse. Prag came to mind. Roach made some gang gesture that meant everything was cool. Toby shrugged and wandered off. He wasn‛t going back to his cell until they forced him. It was too high, and every day it seemed to get taller. He glanced up and saw it all again without shutting his eyes.

*********

Chris levered himself up and used the swing to get himself in the wheelchair. He fucking hated this damn thing, but he hated his room more.

‟Going somewhere?‟ Marsha asked as she burst in the door. Chris had practiced. He smiled for her. She put her hand on her heart. ‟You are one beautiful bastard.‟

He knew that was a lie, but it was nice to hear. She checked him over. Her hands were always gentle, and he didn‛t make trouble. When she finished, she smiled. ‟You are looking fine. Has Johnny given you a workout today?‟

Chris shook his head. He had been trying to escape before that happened. She sighed. ‟No words again? You have to try. You have to work those muscles too.‟

He looked away from her. It was no use. He‛d tried and tried, but nothing came out but grunts and hisses. She stepped outside and came back with a board and a marker. ‟I hate to do this, but if you won‛t talk, you stubborn man, we have to find another way.‟

He stared down at it in his lap and picked up the marker. She was waiting. He knew he had done this before. She pulled off the cap. ‟Can you write your name?‟

Chris willed his brain to work, but the fucking thing wouldn‛t, and he threw it, being very careful not to hit her with it. She put her hand on him. ‟Well, shit.‟ He let her take the marker. She opened the door for him, and he went without looking at her face. She‛d never pitied him, and it was why he loved her, but today might be pushing it. His brain was nothing but mush. He put his hands to work and got up some speed down the long hallway of shut doors.

‟Shit!‟ Johnny nearly fell down, and Chris stopped because it was him. ‟You sure as fuck better be sorry!‟

Chris shrugged. He wasn‛t, but he‛d fake it. Johnny got down in Chris‛s face. ‟Is it time to hit the track?‟

Chris blinked once up at him. He didn‛t know what a ‛track‛ was, but it had to be better than this stinking place.

‟Good. Let me drop this off, and I‛ll take you.‟

Chris made his wheelchair do circles while he waited. He wanted out of here - out! Johnny came back with that shitty smile on his face, and they were going fast. Chris let him get the doors, and they were outside. It was sunny, mild, and he lifted his face to soak it into his heart. Johnny opened a gate and rolled him out.

‟Fast as you can.‟ Johnny handed him a pair of gloves. Chris slowly put them on. He looked down the track and smiled.

"Fall on your ass, and I‛m gonna laugh all day."

Chris flexed his hands. He could do this.

*********

‟Beecher!‟

Toby stayed away from the bars. ‟What?‟

The hack had cuffs. ‟Hands out.‟

Toby didn‛t know what was going on, but he wasn‛t going to fight about it. He stuck his hands out the slot and then pulled them back to wait for the door to open. The hack took him downstairs and pushed him in a cell that had a table and chairs. Toby had to look twice. ‟Angus?‟

Angus was already hugging him. ‟Don‛t they feed you?‟

‟Occasionally.‟ Toby knew he was crying, but he didn‛t care. ‟What the fuck are you doing here?‟

‟I‛m your lawyer.‟ Angus steered him to a chair. Toby sat down right next to him. ‟I needed access to my client.‟

‟Thank God.‟ Toby had never meant that more. ‟My kids?‟

‟Miss you.‟ Angus opened a file, and Toby picked up the page of pictures with a trembling hand. They‛d grown. They were beautiful. Angus said softly, ‟It‛s been almost a year since you broke your parole.‟

‟And?‟ Toby had no idea where he was at legally. He‛d been chained in the depths of hell.

‟They dropped the manslaughter charges, thank God, so we‛re back where we were.‟ Angus sighed. ‟You‛re up for parole again in two months. Honestly, I‛m not hopeful.‟

Toby didn‛t know why the charges had gone away. Chris was still dead, but Toby had to focus on what he could do to get out of here. ‟Will begging help?‟

‟Can‛t hurt.‟ Angus pushed the file at him. ‟Review it. The parole board here is deeply suspicious of those of you from Oz. Three others have come up for parole but been denied instantly - no reason given.‟

‟Querns fucked us over.‟ Toby read it quickly and then again. ‟There‛s no way to work for parole here. We‛re in lockdown twenty-three hours a day.‟

‟I know.‟ Angus frowned. ‟I do have a friend that‛s a judge, but it‛s a long shot.‟

‟Just seeing you gives me some hope.‟ Toby went back to studying the page again and smiled at his children. ‟Can I have this?‟

‟Yes. They explained that you aren‛t allowed actual pictures, but they don‛t restrict paper.‟

‟Assholes.‟ Toby gently brushed his hand over their faces. ‟Angus, this place is hell. Do you think I‛ll do eight more years?‟

‟I hope not.‟ Angus hugged him again. ‟Tomorrow, you‛ll meet with the staff pyschologist for an evaluation.‟

Toby looked at his brother. ‟I‛ll have to play it just right.‟

Angus nodded. ‟Don‛t even frown.‟

Toby folded the paper carefully and put it in the pocket of his shirt. ‟Tell me everything.‟

*********

‟I‛m telling you, Marsha, I‛ve timed him. He‛s fast! In that crappy wheelchair!‟ Johnny put out his hand, and Chris slapped it. It might be all bullshit, but he did love the track.

‟I can believe it from looking at his shoulders, but what about his damn legs!‟

Chris smiled. He was better, not great, and that was something he kept to himself. Johnny laughed loudly. ‟One thing at a time!‟

Chris watched them argue. He didn‛t use the bar any more to get in his wheelchair. He was able to stand long enough to sit down. Two steps - he‛d counted - he could manage two steps. His legs felt like ... he didn‛t have the word, but at least he could feel them.

Marsha ran Johnny out the door and came back to him. ‟Chris, before I go. There‛s one thing you have to know, and I hope you understand what I‛m saying.‟

Chris frowned. This didn‛t sound good.

‟You‛ll be evaluated this week and they‛ll decide whether or not you‛re fit to return to another prison.‟ Marsha didn‛t smile. ‟You‛re doing very well, and it‛s possible that they‛ll send you somewhere else.‟

Chris didn‛t want that, not at all. He was safe here.

‟I know the idea is scary. Do you remember what you did or how long you‛re serving?‟

Chris hadn‛t even thought of it. He tried to think, but nothing happened, of course. He‛d known he was in prison. It seemed like the place he was supposed to be, but the rest of it was a blank. Slowly, he shook his head.

‟Well, let‛s hope for the best. Now, one more thing, and I need to know the truth.‟ She caught him by the hand. ‟Do you know your last name?‟

Chris froze. He knew that he was Chris, and he didn‛t like green food or happy people, but he had a last name, right? His throat made a horrible noise and he put his crappy head in his hands.

*********

‟I‛m sorry, but parole has been denied.‟ The psychologist almost smiled. Toby saw it. The prick continued, ‟Six months until you‛re up again.‟

Toby knew that nine out of ten convicts would curse this fucker out and slam the door. He wouldn‛t make that mistake. No. He put his head in his hands and cried, but only for himself, damn it.

********

Marsha almost fidgeted. She‛d done this hundreds of times, but today she was nervous.

‟Okay, we‛re ready. We‛ll ask you a series of questions. Please answer in a timely fashion.‟

Marsha nodded obediently. They were always in a damn hurry. As if a man‛s life was a five second decision.

‟Can he walk?‟

‟No,‟ she said firmly. One step didn‛t count, and Johnny wasn‛t talking.

‟Talk?‟

‟The fall seems to have destroyed his speech center.‟ She wished he‛d try harder.

‟Is he violent?‟

‟He occasionally gets frustrated, but I‛ve seen him avoid hurting people.‟ She knew he missed her on purpose when he threw things, and he never joined the fights in the TV room.

They made notes. Their eyes were dead. ‟In your opinion, what does he remember?‟

‟He knows his name is Chris, but he doesn‛t know his last name.‟ That truth hurt. ‟He doesn‛t remember why he‛s here. I‛ve seen him watch TV, and I don‛t think he understands, unless it‛s a sport.‟

‟Interesting.‟

She knew that was a lie, and she didn‛t wait for the next question. She had to make them understand. ‟He can‛t read, write, or make complicated decisions.‟

‟So, you‛re saying that if he were put in Gen Pop that he would be completely helpless?‟ They all leaned forward now.

‟He can‛t communicate, and he doesn‛t remember to feed himself unless I remind him.‟ Marsha consulted her notes. She didn‛t need to, but it gave her that extra moment to make up her mind. She was going to delicately skate around the truth. ‟I am also inclined to believe that this is as good as it‛s going to get. His brain was severely damaged.‟

Their pens scratched, and she waited. Gen Pop might kill him, and she hoped they believed her.

‟He‛s not up for parole for another forty-four years. We have to put him somewhere. Beds are expensive here. What‛s your recommendation?‟

Marsha hated this part, but she was ready. ‟I‛d put him on the list for a humanitarian parole and find him a nursing home.‟ She bit off each distasteful word.

Their faces didn‛t change. They didn‛t give a damn, and the knowledge that they couldn‛t afford to become emotionally invested in each case didn‛t make it any easier to swallow.

‟Thank you, Doctor.‟

She left quickly before her temper made her curse at them. Chris deserved better, but there was no good solution here.

*********

Chris concentrated and flexed the muscles in his legs. Or he tried. Again and again. When he fell back panting, he wished he could curse.

‟Good work.‟ Johnny gave him a drink. ‟Does it hurt?‟

He managed a short nod. It did hurt. It almost burned, but he refused to give up on his legs like he had his voice. Fucking chair.

Johnny helped him sit up. ‟It‛s raining today. No track, but would you like to try the pool?‟

Glancing back at him, Chris wasn‛t sure. He hated to drown.

‟You‛ll have to compensate with your arms. I‛ll help.‟ Johnny rubbed Chris‛s back. ‟Did you swim before?‟

Chris didn‛t know. He shut his eyes and enjoyed the touch. When his dick responded, he put his hands in his lap to cover it up.

‟Are you groaning?‟ Johnny teased him.

Marsha burst through the door, and Johnny jumped in surprise. Chris was used to it. She took a deep breath. ‟Good news! You have another six months here, and then you‛ll be evaluated again.‟

Chris was glad he could stay, and it worried him. Caring about people was dangerous - he knew that in his guts. Fuck his brain. He smiled for her. Johnny took his hands away. ‟Hot damn! Did they put him on the list for a humanitarian parole?‟

Chris looked over his shoulder. He had no idea what that meant. Marsha said, ‟Yes! It‛s great news.‟

Johnny laughed. ‟It is. For once, they made the right decisions. Okay, Chris, let‛s go swimming!‟

Chris rolled his eyes. He didn‛t need that happy shit.

‟Don‛t scare him with happiness.‟ Marsha put her hands on her hips. ‟And do not drown his ass!‟

‟Got it.‟ Johnny grinned. He slapped Chris on the back. ‟Good news. Smile again, Chris.‟

Chris swung his legs over his bed and slid down to stand. He took one step and folded into his chair.

‟Damn,‟ Johnny said. ‟I didn‛t know he could do that.‟

‟Me neither. I wonder what else we don‛t know.‟ Marsha glared at him. Chris pulled his legs up and unlocked the wheels. He blew her a kiss. Marsha stepped close. ‟Any more secrets?‟

Chris winked. He‛d never tell.

*********

Toby woke up hard and fast, panting for all he was worth.

‟What the fuck is wrong with you?‟

‟Falling. I was falling.‟ Toby gasped out each word. He rolled to his stomach and told himself over and over that it was a dream. Chris was dead, not him. He was fine, in the sense that he was alive. His heartbeat slowed, and he took a deep breath.

O‛Reily laughed, but there was nothing funny in this prison. ‟I gotta see Gloria. Will you kick my ass?‟

‟No.‟ Toby wiped some sweat off his brow. ‟I can‛t fuck up my parole. I‛m sure Roach would be happy to help you out.‟

‟He might, but then I‛d owe him.‟ O‛Reily pulled a shank out of his pants and flashed it. ‟Help me see her.‟

Toby knew that O‛Reily was crazy enough to set him up for it. He eyed the shank and tried to think. Behind his eyes, he was still falling. ‟We‛ll set it up so you don‛t die, and I don‛t get the blame, but you‛ll owe me.‟

‟Now that I‛m good with.‟ O‛Reily flashed a grin. ‟A couple of fucking books and you‛re happy.‟

Toby got down and washed his face. He could feel his knees trembling. ‟Fuck. I hate heights.‟ He leaned against the sink and Chris‛s blue eyes flashed in front of him. Over the years in Oz, he‛d learned that it was the truth that was the hardest thing to face. ‟I miss Chris.‟

O‛Reily snorted. ‟You hated him. He fucked you over!‟

‟I know, but he loved me.‟ Toby brushed his wet hands through his hair. Why was it only the love that he remembered? Chris had put him here - in Rikers. ‟Of course, this is all his damn fault, but I still love him.‟

‟Fucker‛s dead.‟ O‛Reily didn‛t care, but Toby did, and it worried him. He needed to move on. Sister Pete had told him to find a life without Chris and be happy. Toby went to the bars and looked out. The railing was close, and it was a long way down. If he‛d have told Chris that he was worth something, he would be alive. Toby put his head against the bars. All Chris had ever wanted was someone to love him.

*********

‟Kick on the turn!‟

Chris managed to curl, but his fucking legs wouldn‛t push, and he used his arms to come up. He took a deep breath and started another lap. When Johnny pulled him out, he lay back flat on the concrete and felt all his muscles burn.

‟You know how to fucking swim. Better than I do!‟ Johnny sat down next to him, and they dripped together. ‟If we can strengthen your lower back, walking will come easier.‟

Chris breathed and stared up at the ceiling. He could feel the weird shape of his head against the concrete. He was a damn ugly freak now, but since no one ever saw him, it was okay. He‛d be in prison until he died. There was lots of ugly fuckers here. He reached back and felt it.

Johnny helped him sit. ‟Do you remember what happened?‟

Chris shook his head. He had dreams that he was falling, but he never hit the floor so it wasn‛t a memory. Slipping his hands down his arms, he shook off some water.

‟Gun shot there.‟ Johnny pointed at Chris‛s chest. ‟Shank here.‟ He gently touched Chris‛s back. ‟And this tattoo rocks.‟

Chris touched his chest. He‛d been shot? He felt odd. Johnny had never talked about Chris‛s body before today. Chris rubbed his legs and wished he had words, but there was nothing he could do about that.

‟All right. You‛re a damn wet noodle. Let‛s get you back. I bet you‛ll eat two dinners tonight.‟ Johnny went to get a towel and the wheelchair.

Chris watched the water ripple. When they got back to the room, Marsha was there. She checked him over thoroughly. ‟You eat your dinner. I can tell you‛re tired.‟

Johnny waved and was gone, and Chris reached as far as he could to touch her gently on the arm. She came to him. ‟You‛ve never touched me. What is it?‟

He rubbed his throat, and she helped him get on the bed. ‟Let‛s have a specialist look at it. I couldn‛t find any damage. And you could learn sign language, if you want.‟

He pointed at his right ear. Maybe it was important. She frowned. ‟Your ear hurts?‟

Chris sighed with frustration. There had to be a way to tell her that he couldn‛t hear as well out of that side of his head. He pulled the pen from her pocket and found a scrap of paper. Quickly, he drew a picture of his ear and put a mark over it.

‟You can‛t hear out of that ear?‟

He nodded. She took her pen back. ‟I‛ll be back.‟ He wasn‛t going anywhere. A nurse came in with his tray right after she left, and he ate it all. He was hungry. About the time he finished, Marsha came through the door. She took him by the ear and did doctor stuff. ‟I can‛t believe I missed this. I‛ll call Gloria and find out how this happened.‟

Chris didn‛t know who Gloria was, but he was still hungry. He pointed at his tray. She laughed softly. ‟I‛ll tell the nurse. Tomorrow, we‛ll work on your throat. I promise.‟

Chris had to be happy with that. He hadn‛t cared if he talked, but he had to be able to say a few things. He wasn‛t sure what, but he did know who he wanted to talk to - Johnny.

*********

‟Word is out that you shanked Micky.‟ Roach shoved his finger, hitting Toby on the chest.

Toby knew this was a test. He shoved back because prison demanded a physical response. It was that or be labeled a bitch, and he didn‛t need that shit again. ‟My money is on you!‟

Roach put his hands on his hips. ‟You know I‛ll kill your white ass for that.‟

‟I didn‛t do it.‟ Toby glared. ‟Find another white boy to fuck with.‟

‟Bookworm says he didn‛t do it.‟ Roach looked around at his boys. ‟What you all think?‟

Toby didn‛t take his eyes off Roach. He was what mattered here. ‟You find out who did it, and I‛ll shank him. O‛Reily has had my back since Oz.‟

Roach took a small step back. ‟Good enough. Bookworm didn‛t do it.‟

Toby didn‛t relax, but he was glad to hear it. ‟You hear how he‛s doing?‟

‟He‛s got pneumonia or something, but he ain‛t gonna die.‟ Roach shrugged. ‟You got your payment?‟

Toby dug out the money and handed it over. ‟Don‛t forget the book.‟ He knew Roach wouldn‛t, but it never hurt to remind him.

‟Lock down! Lock down!‟

Toby groaned and slowly moved towards the stairs. Each step his legs seemed to get heavier. He didn‛t want to go, but it wasn‛t long before the cell door slammed in his face. ‟Maybe Chris was right to fly out of prison,‟ he said softly.

**********

‟I believe that the part of his brain that controls speech has been damaged. Even extreme effort produces nothing but random noises. He might be able to think the words, but he can‛t produce them.‟ The doctor frowned. ‟I‛m not sure what course of action to take other than hoping the brain finds a way to heal.‟

Chris didn‛t like this doctor very much. The fucker used big words that he didn‛t understand, but he did get ‛can‛t‛ and ‛nothing.‛ The doctor was saying that Chris was a damn fool.

Marsha was with him. She had remained quiet until now. ‟Does the problem with his ear acerbate the problem?‟

‟Probably not.‟ The doctor looked in Chris‛s ear with a silver thing that was cold. ‟The brain is a delicate piece of machinery. His head was bounced around like a basketball. It‛s a wonder that he‛s alive.‟

Chris had had enough. He jerked away from the doctor away and nearly fell off the table. Marsha grabbed him. ‟Settle down, Chris.‟

The doctor frowned and straightened his coat. ‟There is no damage to his throat. If he can retrain his brain, he may speak again, but I doubt it will happen.‟

‟Thank you for your time.‟ Marsha helped Chris down to his wheelchair. ‟No dessert for you, Chris.‟

Chris flipped them both off and rolled out the door. He hated being treated like a brain-dead fool, even if he was one. The back door was open, and he went to put in some track time. The wind always helped him forget that he was in two prisons now: one made of stone and one made of skin.

‟Tired enough to go back?‟ Johnny was waiting for him near the gate when his arms were too damn tired to push the wheels any longer.

Chris nodded. Johnny took him back to his room, got him in bed, and gave him a massage. ‟When you catch your breath, we‛ll work your legs. Did you see the doc?‟

Chris frowned. He couldn‛t talk about it. The hands on him felt good, and he slowly relaxed into them. Johnny switched to the leg exercises, and they got through them. When they were finished, Johnny said, ‟Chris, I want you to walk for me today.‟

Chris shook his head. That wasn‛t a good idea. They weren‛t even in the gym, and he wasn‛t afraid of falling, but it wasn‛t much fun.

‟Come on, you asswipe. I bust my nuts for you. Make me smile.‟

Chris pointed at the chart and shook his head firmly. That was the reason he didn‛t walk in the gym, and Johnny knew it.

Johnny hesitated. ‟You‛re afraid that if you walk, they‛ll make you leave. Well, you ain‛t no dummy.‟ He laughed. ‟Okay, how about this way?‟

Chris watched him make out the day‛s report. If it was already complete, they‛d never know. He still wasn‛t sure, but he trusted Johnny. Johnny was right there as Chris stood. He made sure he was steady before putting his hands on Johnny‛s shoulders. Chris took a deep breath, and took a step, and another, he did one more and then one more, and he collapsed. Johnny caught him. ‟Damn, dawg!‟

Chris smiled and breathed hard. He‛d done his best. Johnny helped him back to bed and laughed. ‟We‛ll do it in the gym tomorrow. It‛s time to get serious.‟

Chris didn‛t agree, but he was willing to fight about it later. He slapped Johnny‛s hand, and Johnny left him with a cup of water to drink. It‛d be time for lunch soon, but the best part of his day was over. He might roll down to watch TV, but he had no friends. No one wanted to talk at a freak. Yesterday, someone had tried to beat him up. It had been very stupid, like him. Fighting was dumb, and he hated it. He didn‛t know why, but he did.

‟Ready to eat, Chris?‟ It was Marsha. ‟The nurse was busy, so I brought your tray.‟

He smiled for her. When she came close, he tried to talk with her. He pointed at himself.

‟You . . . what?‟

He drew a heart in the air and pointed at her. She blushed, and he smiled. It was the only way he knew to say sorry. She put the tray down on the table. ‟I knew you loved me!‟ She smiled at him. ‟Chris, you can‛t give up. That doctor doesn‛t know you. I know the words are in your head. We just have to find a way to get them out. Now you eat all your lunch. I heard there‛s a game of wheelchair basketball in the gym today.‟

Chris picked up his fork and started to eat. Maybe this day wouldn‛t be boring.

********

Toby hugged Angus hard. ‟Do we have a better shot this time?‟

‟We do. It‛s Christmas. The parole boards are always more lenient this time of year. I‛ll make sure and drop a line about your children waiting for you under the Christmas tree.‟ Angus sat down with him and gave him a new page of pictures. ‟They really are growing.‟

‟I miss them so much.‟ Toby had to get out this time. He‛d been a model prisoner with no deductions for any transgressions. He saw a teardrop hit the page and moved it away quickly. ‟I have to get out.‟

‟I blame Chris Keller for this,‟ Angus said angrily. ‟I hope he‛s somewhere rotting.‟

‟He‛s dead, Angus, and I did this, not him. I was stupid.‟ Toby finally accepted responsibility for what he‛d done. ‟And he didn‛t deserve dead.‟

Angus swallowed hard. He pulled Toby into another hug. Toby rested his head on him and prayed. He had to go home again.

*********

Governor Devlin leaned back in his chair and reviewed the memo. It would go out tomorrow to all the parole boards across the state. If the prisoner was in good standing and his original crime had been something other than drugs or murder, he was to receive parole. It was necessary to ease the overcrowding in the prisons. Satisfied, he signed it and picked up the list that was waiting for him. Every year, he pardoned three people at Christmas time. The Three Kings, he called them privately. This time, he wanted to make good choices. They had to be damn grateful - or at least quiet. He scanned quickly and found one poor fucker that couldn‛t walk or talk. Perfect.

*********

Marsha put her hand on her heart and jumped to her feet. ‟I‛ll be damned.‟ She read it twice more before getting up and flying down the hallway to find Johnny. It was a Christmas miracle.

*********

Chris tried to understand, but they were talking so fast that between his ear and his fucked up brain, he couldn‛t get a word of it. Finally, he waved his hands. Marsha and Johnny stopped talking and started laughing.

Marsha sat down in a chair near him. ‟Chris, you‛ve been pardoned.‟

Chris frowned. He looked at Johnny and pointed at his head. Johnny sat down also. ‟It means, Chris, that you‛re going to get out. The governor is letting you go.‟

Marsha was still smiling. ‟You‛re free.‟

Chris looked from one to the other. He spread his hands and made several quick signs that he knew they understood. Johnny looked at Marsha. ‟He doesn‛t have any relatives?‟

‟I‛ll start making some calls.‟ Marsha kissed Chris on the forehead. Johnny smiled. Chris didn‛t know how to tell them that this wasn‛t good news. He had no one and nowhere to go. He‛d end up living in a cardboard box on the street. Didn‛t they understand? He rubbed his mouth and cursed his own stupidity. He couldn‛t even tell them that he‛d miss them.

********

‟You lucky fucker,‟ O‛Reily said and hugged him.

‟I know. I know.‟ Toby couldn‛t stop smiling. Home was such a beautiful word. ‟You can have the books.‟

‟I‛ll open a bookstore.‟ O‛Reily shook his head. ‟Crazy fucker.‟

Toby went to the bars and looked out. No more falling - he was going home.

********

‟Johnny, have you lost your mind?‟ Marsha couldn‛t believe what she was hearing, and she shut her office door so no one else could hear.

‟Probably, but I‛ve made up my crazy mind. He‛s going home with me. Have you been to that crappy nursing home? It smells like piss! I have a spare room. My roommate moved out a couple of months ago. There‛s a gym close by. After all I‛ve done for his sorry ass, he ain‛t going to rot in some damn pisshole!‟

"I could try his ex-wives again. Maybe one of them would give in." Marsha didn‛t have much hope for that, but she could try. Taking a patient home was a bad idea, and Johnny knew it.

"They have husbands, lives, and you said yourself that they were scared!" Johnny wasn‛t quitting.

Marsha sighed and thought about it one more time. She was taking a huge risk by helping him. She‛d have to set aside some of the reserve that she kept with all her patients. Not getting involved was the best way to help them, and if she did this, it wouldn‛t be possible any longer. Johnny had made his decision, and she abruptly gave up.

‟You know it won‛t be easy, and he‛ll need a lot of help at first. You got vacation days?"

"Some, yeah, and he‛ll learn fast. I know he will. Will you help? If you won‛t, tell me now." Johnny had on his stubborn face. It was obvious he wasn‛t changing his mind.

"I‛ll help.‟ She would. It might be the wrong decision, but they were doing it for the right reasons.

‟I knew you would.‟ Johnny hugged her. ‟Have you seen how worried he looks? He‛s damn scared.‟

Marsha had seen it. ‟He doesn‛t have anyone but us. He‛s been in prison most of his life.‟ Usually men like Chris never got out. They died in prison. This time, she would help a patient find a life. He was going to face difficulties that were going to make the fight to walk seem tame. He had to learn to live in society again, with a brain that didn‛t always work and a body that didn‛t cooperate.

‟This once - let‛s really help someone.‟ Johnny kissed her on the cheek. ‟And anyway, he loves you. How can you say no?"

She laughed. She‛d do her best.

*********

Chris didn‛t smile for the picture. Marsha was close by, and that was the only reason that he didn‛t use his wheels to leave.

‟Mr. Keller, take this opportunity to better your life.‟

What an asshole. Chris wanted to flip him off, but Marsha had told him to do nothing, and she was smart.

‟Chris is grateful. I‛m sure of it,‟ Marsha said from behind him.

Chris wasn‛t, but he couldn‛t tell them to keep him. The asshole said, ‟I‛m sure he‛ll do well in whatever facility you find for him. Good luck.‟ He held out his hand, and Chris took it. Squeezing hard, he smiled until the hand managed to escape.

‟Show‛s over, people!‟

Marsha giggled in Chris‛s ear. ‟I think you hurt him. Good job. Okay, there‛s Johnny. Let‛s go.‟

Chris managed the stairs. He‛d practiced at the prison hospital. Going down was easy. Up was impossible - stupid fucking chair. Johnny lowered the ramp on the van, and Chris zipped inside. Marsha got in the front.

‟Chris nearly hurt him.‟

‟Why do people vote for that dickhead?‟ Johnny shut the van door and got in the driver‛s side. ‟Chris, are you ready?‟

Chris shrugged. He had to trust them. There were no other choices. It was them or go live in an alley because he didn‛t know what a ‛nursing home‛ was, but he wasn‛t going to one.

********

Toby held his kids so tightly that he thought he might break one of their ribs, but they didn‛t complain.

‟Welcome home, Tobias,‟ his mother said quietly.

Toby felt as if he‛d been falling for years, and he‛d just hit ground. He was home.

********

‟Chris, get over here.‟ Johnny pointed at the TV.

Chris put his wheels to work and stopped when he could see. When it was over, he looked a question at Johnny and rubbed his fingers together in a sign that meant money. He knew things weren‛t free.

‟Your disability check will be here soon, and I have a little saved. Think you could win our money back?‟

Chris wasn‛t sure, but he‛d love to try. He popped a wheelie and spun on the back wheels. Johnny laughed. Chris loved it when Johnny was here. When he was at work, it was dull, but the gym was close, and there was a park, and Chris had learned how to get through the day. Marsha and Johnny had taught him. He couldn‛t buy groceries, but he could do laundry. It was strange what his brain knew and had forgotten completely. Numbers, letters, and money meant nothing, but there were other things he could do.

‟What are you wishing for?‟ Johnny always knew when Chris was thinking.

Chris made the sign for book. He missed being able to read and write. It put him at the level of a fucking retard. He couldn‛t even sign his check. But his brain was good at sign language. He‛d taken a night class at some big building that was close with Johnny, and Johnny had told him that he got an A, which was good.

‟Yeah. It sucks. We could find a teacher and see what you could learn. It‛s up to you.‟ Johnny was never pushy. ‟They‛d have to know sign language.‟

Chris shrugged. He‛d discovered books that he could listen to, and that was enough. A motorcycle came on TV, and Chris pointed. That‛s what he really wanted with his money. Freedom.

‟When your legs are strong enough, we‛ll look into it. I promise.‟ Johnny‛s phone rang and he got it. Chris stopped watching TV and listened. Johnny had a girlfriend. She wasn‛t very nice, but they did fuck a lot. Chris understood that. He‛d put up with anything for pussy. When Johnny hung up, he turned and frowned. Chris stared at that handsome face and knew in his gut that it wasn‛t only pussy that he liked. It worried him. He was into guys? Had he been that way before?

‟Elisha is being a total bitch. Says she won‛t come over if you‛re here. I told her to fuck off.‟ Johnny flopped on the couch. ‟I don‛t get women.‟

Chris made the sign for jealous. She was jealous of him. It didn‛t make sense, but it was true. He‛d tried to charm her, but she wasn‛t nice like Johnny.

‟Yeah. Well, fuck her. I‛m sick of it.‟ Johnny flipped the channel. ‟You have a girlfriend?‟

Chris swallowed all his spit and made the sign for boy. He might be making a huge mistake, but he wanted Johnny to know the truth. Johnny might ... like him back.

‟You‛re gay?‟ Johnny‛s eyes widened. ‟Are you sure? I saw you kissing Annie at the prison hospital. She said you were the best kisser in the building.‟

Chris barked his strange laugh. He‛d fucked her too. It‛d been good. He signed boys and girls and shrugged.

‟You‛re bisexual. Now that makes sense.‟ Johnny tucked a pillow behind his head. ‟So, you got a boyfriend?‟

Chris signed no fast. But, he wasn‛t against the idea. It‛d been a long time since Annie had spread her legs for him.

‟So I need to find a good-looking tutor - boy or girl - that signs and puts out.‟ Johnny groaned. ‟I‛m fucked.‟

Chris wished that Johnny did, but he wasn‛t asking. It was okay. The friendship that they had was worth more than a stupid fuck. Chris didn‛t remember ever having a friend, and now he had two. He made the sign for Marsha, wondering when he‛d see her again. It had been a while.

‟She‛s coming for dinner, and she promised to bring it.‟ Johnny grinned. ‟She had to work today.‟

Chris felt sorry for her, but it was her own fault. He rolled over to the basketball and picked it up one-handed off the floor.

‟Yep. Let‛s go shoot some hoops.‟ Johnny shut off the TV. ‟Chris, if I were into guys, I‛d take you to bed in a New York minute.‟

Chris smiled and threw him the ball.

********

Toby kissed his kids good night and went to his rooms to read a book and watch TV. It had been a long, busy day, and he needed some quiet. It was as if he could only handle so much life before his brain started to hurt. He‛d spent too many days bored out of his mind and now he was overwhelmed easily.

There was a soft knock at the open door, and Angus stepped inside. ‟Toby? How are you?‟

Toby smiled at his brother. ‟A little tired.‟ He muted the television. ‟You?‟

‟Fine.‟ Angus found a chair and sat. ‟It‛s good to have you home. Parole meeting tomorrow?‟

‟Yes.‟ Toby would take a cab. He didn‛t have his driver‛s license, but he was going to get one. ‟I‛m sure it‛ll go well.‟ He wasn‛t even tempted to drink. Rikers had beaten it out of him. ‟Are you adjusting to my living here again?‟

Angus grinned. ‟It‛s great. There‛s finally someone else for Mother to yell at. I think she has a dinner party planned for Friday.‟

‟No one will want an ex-con at the table.‟ Toby was sure of that, and part of him was glad he had an excuse.

‟Mother invited someone for you.‟ Angus raised his eyebrows. ‟Ready to start dating again?‟

Toby flinched and thought he heard the sound of a body hitting the floor. Tired. He was tired. ‟Sure. Whatever makes Mother happy.‟

Angus got up and stretched. ‟Enjoy your evening.‟

Toby smiled and went back to his book. He was fine. There was nothing missing from his life now.

********

Chris put on his helmet and made sure nothing could slow him down. Johnny stuck the water bottle in the holder. ‟You ready?‟

He listened for the gun and started fast. The day was a good one for a race, and the course was long enough to let him get up some real speed. He wasn‛t afraid of crashing. Johnny had freaked out when he‛d wrecked last week, but Chris had laughed. He knew how to fall. He pushed hard and made his chair sing with the wind. The race was too short.

‟You fucking amaze me!‟ Johnny took the trophy and stared at it. ‟Were you even trying?‟

Chris smiled. He‛d wanted to win. They‛d taken his picture, handed him a check and a trophy, and he‛d rolled back to his pit crew.

Marsha took the check. ‟Sweet! I say we go out to eat!‟

Chris peeled off his gloves as Johnny made a grab for the check. The trophy was tossed back at him, and he caught it. It was shiny. Useless, but shiny.

‟Hey! You‛re fast!‟

Chris turned the chair around to face the man who‛d spoken. He still hated the chair, even if it was fast, but he signed thanks.

‟You‛re deaf?‟

Johnny hurried over. ‟No. He‛s mute. He said thanks.‟

‟Wow. You‛re crippled and mute! That‛s incredible!‟

Chris flipped him off and rolled back to Johnny. Some people were assholes, and he seemed to meet them all.

‟He‛s also a man with a lot of pride.‟ Johnny tucked the check away. ‟Beat it, buddy. My friend‛s tired.‟

Chris drank some water and shook out his muscles. Johnny helped him out of the racing chair, and he made it one step before sitting down hard in his usual wheelchair. Marsha was right there. ‟Drink and let me check you.‟

He let her do what she wanted. She worried, but he knew he was fine. Peeling off his helmet, he slicked his hands through his hair. He needed a shower if they were going out to eat. Pulling his legs up, he let them push him to the van.

‟Chris, you kicked ass!‟

‟I can‛t believe how fast you are,‟ Marsha said. ‟I mean, I knew it, but still.‟

Chris rolled up the ramp and smiled. He was lucky to have friends like them. He‛d win them all the money they could ever spend.

Johnny stowed the other chair and got in the front. ‟A shower, a massage, and some food. I‛m proud of you, Chris.‟

Chris smiled. He‛d done something right, and he wasn‛t sure he ever had before today. He shut his eyes and tried to remember. Nothing. His life had started at the prison hospital and Marsha‛s face. Wishing didn‛t make it any different. He knew he must have done some bad shit to be put in prison for life, and he knew that usually he wasn‛t that nice of a guy, but there were no memories. He was Chris now, just Chris. Even his last name wasn‛t right. He believed them, but it meant nothing to him.

‟Chris, you okay?‟ Marsha asked.

Chris gave her a thumbs up. He was good. He was damn lucky, and he knew it.

*********

Toby settled into his favorite chair in his room with his latest book and idly turned on the news. It had been a long weekend, full of dinner parties and guests. His mother had an agenda, and he didn‛t have the heart to tell her that he wasn‛t interested. They were pretty, but he could see the fear in their eyes, and he didn‛t blame them for it.

‟And the feel good story tonight - he‛s mute and crippled, but he refuses to stop winning. He goes by Chris, just Chris, and he‛s won his fifth consecutive race today. It all began -‟

Toby dropped his book and stared. He suddenly couldn‛t hear as the images flashed in front of him, and he went to his knees in front of the television, putting his hand against the glass. It wasn‛t possible. This was a mistake. Splashed across the screen was a beautiful smile, and it broke his heart into pieces. The broadcast ended. Toby curled around his stomach, falling again.

*********

Chris put on his gloves and rolled to the door. Johnny had brought home a new wheelchair last night after work, and it was time to take it for a test drive. It was shinier than the last one, but it was still a fucking chair.

‟Going out?‟

Chris smiled.

‟Win some more races and you‛ll be able to afford a chair with an engine in it.‟ Johnny was stretched out on the sofa. ‟It‛s a nice day. I guess I could go with you.‟

Chris shrugged. He wasn‛t going to ask for company, but he liked it. With a grin, he pointed at the old wheelchair that would be donated to the prison hospital tomorrow.

Johnny laughed. ‟Are you challenging me to a race?‟

Chris raised his eyebrows and made the sign for chicken.

‟You bet I am!‟ Johnny rolled off the couch and came over to open the door. ‟Did you notice the back?‟

Chris hadn‛t. He looked his question and rolled out into the hallway. Johnny grabbed the handles and stepped up.

‟Go, baby, go!‟

Chris laughed aloud. He hated the sound, but occasionally, he had to laugh. The extra weight would give him a good workout, and he headed for the front door. Johnny jumped down and got it, and Chris popped up the front wheels to get over the door sill. It handled well, and it was lighter. Not so damn clunky, but it was still a chair, and he wished he could kick it to the curb.

‟Johnny!‟

They both looked. Johnny whispered in Chris‛s ear, ‟Get lost, and I‛ll cook dinner tonight.‟

Chris spun on his wheels and went the opposite direction. Johnny needed a good fucking, and dinner would be worth it. Pizza got old. Chris glanced over his shoulder and saw them hugging, and Johnny gave him a thumbs up. When Chris looked back, he put on the brakes hard not to run into some guy who was standing in the middle of the sidewalk.

‟Chris?‟ the guy asked. His voice was smooth, and Chris looked at him now. Blond, not bad-looking, and a suit: he was probably another racing sponsor, and Chris didn‛t want to hear it today. The guy leaned over, put his hands on the arms of Chris‛s wheelchair, and said, ‟It‛s really you.‟

Chris felt a trickle of worry at the low words. This guy was pissed, and Chris hadn‛t even run over him. He pushed the hands away, but the fucker grabbed him by the shirt and jerked him out of the chair.

‟Is this another fucking scam?‟

Chris struggled to find his balance. He didn‛t understand, but he was fast getting pissed off.

‟You motherfucker! You can walk!‟

Growling, Chris tried to break free, but the guy was strong. Pushing against him, he took one step.

‟You fucker!‟

Chris saw the fist coming for his head, but he was stuck. The wheelchair rolled slightly away, and his legs gave up, and he fought for one more step.

‟What the fuck are you doing?‟

The fist hit him on the side of the face right as Johnny yelled, and he dropped to the street. Falling was something he‛d could do, and he protected his head. He wasn‛t hurt, but now he was fucking mad.

‟Back off!‟ Johnny stood right over him.

‟This isn‛t any of your business,‟ The guy growled. ‟Keller and I have an old score to settle!‟

Chris panted and fought to get up. He wasn‛t afraid, and now he wanted to hurt this fucker. The guy shoved Johnny back, and Chris used his arms to put him down on the sidewalk. The smack made him feel a little better.

‟Fucking liar!‟

Chris tried to crawl to his wheelchair, but his legs dragged and he wasn‛t getting there. Johnny got between them. ‟Leave Chris alone, you asshole!‟

The guy was on his feet fast, and Chris looked him square in the face and flipped him off. All of them froze when sirens blasted on the street. Two policemen stomped over, and Chris wished he could run. Cops were always a pain in the ass.

‟What the hell is the problem here?‟

Johnny got Chris‛s chair, but Chris wasn‛t going to be getting in it without major help. He watched the asshole who‛d hit him. The guy looked worried now. He was trying to back away, but one of the cops put a stop to that.

‟That guy punched Chris - yanked him up and hit him!‟

‟Hey, Keller‛s a damn liar!‟ The blond shouted.

Chris stared again, memorizing him. He didn‛t know him, but that didn‛t mean it wasn‛t true.

‟Help me get him up,‟ Johnny said. Chris tried to help as Johnny and one of the cops got on either side and put him in the chair. It was embarrassing as hell. Chris put his hands on the wheels. He was done here. This was stupid. Fighting was stupid, and he wasn‛t going to stick around here for more of it.

‟Chris, press charges against him,‟ Johnny said loudly.

Chris signed no hard and fast. He was going to the park to forget this had happened. A cop got in Chris‛s face. ‟You want me to arrest him?‟

Chris shook his head and grabbed Johnny by the arm. Johnny glared at the guy before turning to him. ‟What is it?‟ Chris pointed at the girl and pushed Johnny that direction. This was over.

‟Proud of yourself, beating up a guy in a wheelchair?‟ one of the cops asked the blond guy. ‟Feel all good inside? Get the hell out of here before I arrest you.‟

The blond man took one step towards Chris but suddenly walked the other way. Chris waved to the cops and got moving towards the park. He still had to try out this new chair, and that fight had been nothing. Whoever that asshole was, he wouldn‛t come back.

*********

Toby went around the corner and watched Chris roll away in his wheelchair. Shock had turned to rage and seeing him, lying and cheating, had forced it all out of him. Chris even had a lover again! Toby leaned over to take a deep breath. He brushed off his trousers and watched his hands shake. Chris was alive. Really alive, and he hadn‛t said a word. This time there had been no lies because he hadn‛t done more than grunt.

Toby saw the cops leave, and he went back to the corner. Chris had gone that way, and Toby walked after him. This wasn‛t finished. They had so much to talk about, and Toby might punch him again.

********

Chris spun the chair, did wheelies, and made several quick stops and starts. Johnny had ordered a good one, and Chris put his arms to work. The park had a sidewalk track, and Chris usually did laps until his arms hurt. He needed to get his racing chair out more often, but it was a pain in the ass. His face ached, and he rubbed it, but thinking about the blond guy was a waste of time.

‟Hey, Chris!‟

He waved to the kids on the basketball court, zoomed over there, and shot some hoops. They had the legs, but he liked the game. Finally, he rolled to the side to watch, and Jessie came running to him. She was his best friend in the park, and she knew it. They slapped hands.

‟New chair, huh?‟

He pointed at the back. She went around. ‟Very cool. Can I have a ride?‟

Chris smiled, she jumped on, and they were off. It was harder with more weight, but the burn in his arms felt good, and she spread her arms like she was flying. He put his head down and went that much faster.

‟I‛m gonna throw up!‟

He hoped not, and he slowed down around the pond. She jumped off to run beside him. Now the race was on, and she won, as usual. She cheated. Chris wouldn‛t run over her and she knew it. He came to a stop near the restrooms.

‟I gotta go. Bye!‟ She dashed off to her mom, and Chris waved goodbye. Her mother grinned and waved back. They were nice people.

‟I‛m touched. Really.‟

Chris never forgot a voice. He whipped his chair around and glared. The blond hadn‛t given up, and he still looked mad.

‟She‛s, what, ten?‟

Chris signed some very rude things, but he could see that this guy didn‛t get it.

‟I think this is the longest we‛ve been without you protesting that you love me so it‛s okay that you fucked me over," he said angrily.

Chris growled from frustration. There was no way to tell this guy to leave him alone. He probably had fucked the guy over, but he didn‛t remember, and he couldn‛t do anything about it. The asshole needed to go the hell away.

‟Talk to me!‟

Trying to be clear, Chris pointed at his throat and made a slicing motion.

‟You‛re a damn liar, and you always have been!‟

‟Chris, you want me to bust this guy up?‟

Chris was very glad to see Tawon. Tawon could sign because his brother was deaf. Chris let his hands do the talking.

Tawon got in the guy‛s face. ‟He says to leave him the hell alone, and I agree. Back the fuck off!‟

‟Look, this is between me and him.‟ The asshole wasn‛t backing down. He was smaller than Tawon, so the guy had balls. Chris nudged Tawon out of the way and told him to ask the guy his name.

‟He wants to know your name,‟ Tawon said.

‟Tobias Beecher, but he knew that.‟

Chris searched his memory but came up empty, like always. He did like blonds, so it was possible they knew each other.

‟Look, Beecher, this is Chris. He‛s a good guy. He can‛t talk, and he can‛t walk, but he will bust you up if you mess with him. Now, I suggest you beat it.‟

Chris hated this kind of shit. He caught Tawon‛s arm and pointed at the game. Tawon gave Beecher one last glare and backed off. Chris started for home before another fight broke out. He‛d had enough for one day, but Beecher hurried to catch up with him.

‟Chris! Come on, don‛t lie to me like you are them. You loved me, or you said you did when we were in prison together.‟

Faster, Chris went faster. He had never thought that one of his prison buddies would look him up, but now it had happened. This Beecher guy wasn‛t a friend. Chris was glad to see Johnny outside the apartment building. Johnny caught sight of him and walked over.

Beecher tried one last time. ‟I just want to talk!‟

‟He can‛t, you fool. Come back when you learn sign language or some damn manners!‟ Johnny got between them. ‟Chris, you know this guy?‟

Chris looked at him again. Nothing. He rubbed his head and remembered falling. Falling hard. Beecher‛s eyes were very blue and he didn‛t look angry any longer, just confused. Chris signed no and went to the door.

‟Leave, or I will call the cops, and this time they‛ll arrest you.‟ Johnny opened the door and shut it fast. Chris turned and watched Beecher slip his hand through his hair. Beecher looked right at him. Whatever they‛d done in prison, it was over. Beecher needed to move on with his life. Chris rolled away.

********

Toby wanted to throw a brick through the door and chase after him, but his damn lover would probably call the cops. Fuck. Chris had forgotten him?

‟Excuse me,‟ a short, middle-aged black woman said. ‟Are you going inside?‟

Toby was so upset that he had no words, but he took a step so he was out of her way. She pushed a button and said, ‟It‛s Marsha.‟

‟I need you to give Chris a good look.‟ The door buzzed.

Toby saw her eyes widen. ‟On my way.‟

‟Wait.‟ Toby caught the edge of the door. ‟You know Chris?‟

‟He‛s my friend.‟ She frowned and didn‛t let him inside. ‟Who are you?‟

‟I was ... Chris‛s cellmate.‟ It was the truth, but he saw from her eyes that it had been the wrong thing to say.

Marsha blocked the door. ‟I‛m not letting you inside. Go away, or I‛ll call the police.‟

‟Why can‛t he talk? Tell me, please.‟ Toby hated to beg, but his anger had bled away to nothing but confusion and pain, and he needed desperately to understand. ‟We were friends. Please.‟

‟Chris won‛t remember you. Whatever you want from him - money or drugs - don‛t bother.‟ Her eyes snapped. ‟It sounds like he needs me. Back away.‟

Toby responded to the forcefulness of her words, and she shut the door before hurrying off. Had he hurt Chris? Toby doubted it. Chris had seemed fine in the park, playing with the kids, which all by itself was weird as hell.

‟Shit,‟ Toby whispered. This day had been a damn disaster, and he was no closer to understanding what had happened than before he‛d punched Chris in the face. Standing out here on the sidewalk wasn‛t doing any good. He tried to think and the answer came to him - Dr. Nathan.

*********

‟Chris, you‛re sure you‛re not seeing double or anything?‟

Chris crossed his eyes at her. He was fine. That Beecher guy didn‛t hit all that hard.

‟I want to check you top to bottom. Johnny says you hit the sidewalk.‟ Marsha pointed towards the bedroom. ‟Move it or lose it.‟

Doing what she said, he signed a curse word. He was usually able to take the one step to his bed, but his legs felt like sand in jeans, and he didn‛t think it would happen. She wrapped her arms around him and moved him fast.

‟Damn, you must have really overstressed your legs.‟

Chris helped her undress him. She did leave his underwear on, but she looked pissed. ‟Bruises everywhere!‟

He told her that he was sorry, but she ignored it. ‟Johnny, you said that blond guy did it?‟

Johnny stepped through the door. ‟Yeah, the asshole.‟

Chris caught Johnny‛s attention and slowly signed out the name.

‟Chris says that Tobias Beecher is his name. I‛ve never seen him around before, but I don‛t think he‛s going to give up.‟

‟He said he was your cellmate and that you were friends,‟ Marsha said. Her hands slid over Chris‛s legs and then his back. ‟This hurt?‟ She pressed, and he hissed. It hadn‛t hurt until she‛d done that. Next, she pulled his face to the side. ‟It‛s swollen. We need the ice packs. He beat the crap out of you!‟

Chris sighed. He hadn‛t tried to hurt the guy, but maybe he should have. He hated fighting. Someone always got hurt. They‛d been cellmates? Friends? He didn‛t remember any friends, and he had a hard time believing it. Beecher had tried to knock him into tomorrow.

‟Chris pulled him down but didn‛t hit him. I don‛t know why. I wanted to kick the shit out of him.‟ Johnny sat down on the bed. ‟Are you sure you don‛t know him?‟

Chris shook his head. And he didn‛t want to know him, even if he was blond.

*********

‟Tell me what happened. I want the truth. Right now,‟ Toby snapped. He wasn‛t leaving without answers. He‛d waited for hours, and it was late now, dark, but he had to know the truth before he went home.

Nathan let him inside and dropped her purse hard on her kitchen table. ‟I resuscitated him there on the floor in Em City. There was severe brain damage, but his spine was intact. The warden told everyone that he was dead, and when Em City was shut down, I moved him to a prison hospital and into the care of a friend of mine.‟

‟Marsha Somersfield.‟

‟Right. We went to medical school together.‟ Nathan yawned. ‟You said that he‛s in a wheelchair?‟

‟Yes, but he stood up and took a step. It‛s probably a lie - a scam.‟ Toby could only believe that Chris was fucking with those people.

‟I doubt it. Marsha is good, really good, better than me. If he‛s in a wheelchair, he needs it. What else?‟

‟He used sign language.‟ Toby crossed his arms. ‟I know I heard him grunt though.‟

‟Toby, did you see his head?‟

Toby thought back. He‛d been so angry, and things had gotten out of hand. ‟I didn‛t really look.‟

Nathan touched the back of her head. ‟Severe trauma. The fact that he‛s alive is a miracle. How did he get out of prison?‟

‟I made a call and found out that he was pardoned at Christmas time. They thought he‛d be shuffled off to a nursing home.‟ Toby still was having trouble with all this. It didn‛t seem real. ‟He said he didn‛t remember me.‟

‟He said?‟

‟He signed it to the guy that was with him. John Marrone is his name - he‛s the physical therapist at the prison hospital. It doesn‛t make sense!‟ Toby slapped his hand down on the table. ‟And you should have told me that he was alive!‟

Nathan glared. ‟I didn‛t owe you an explanation. Go home, Toby, and get over this. The man you loved in Oz is dead. Dead! Whatever is left of Chris, he doesn‛t need you beating the shit out of him.‟

‟I didn‛t tell you that I hit him.‟ Toby edged closer, but he grasped at the tendrils of his temper. ‟Marsha called. Didn‛t she?‟

‟Yes.‟ Nathan drew away - her big eyes wary. ‟She wanted to know if you were dangerous. I told her the truth.‟

‟And what is that?‟ Toby snarled.

Nathan pulled open the back door. ‟That you are.‟ She hesitated. ‟Aren‛t you?‟

Toby walked away from her before he proved to her exactly how dangerous.

*********

‟Are you sure you can race today?‟

Chris put on his helmet. He needed to go fast and hard - feel the wind in his face. Johnny put the water bottle in the holder.

‟This is the farthest you‛ve ever gone. Pace yourself, and if your back starts to hurt, stop. Please.‟ Johnny caught Chris on his gloved hand. ‟Please.‟

Chris wasn‛t going to stop because of a bruise, even if it was a big one. He glanced over at Marsha. She didn‛t look worried, and that gave him strength. Chris pulled the racing chair up and around, heading for the starting line. This race had big prize money, or so someone had said, and he wanted it for Johnny. No one was beating him today.

********

Toby came up behind her. Chris was lining up with the other racers. The decision to come here had been an easy one. He needed to know exactly what was going on. Was Chris playing them? She didn‛t notice him until he asked, ‟Do you worry that someone will find out it‛s a fraud?‟

Marsha turned, and her eyes narrowed. She knew him now. ‟Are you worried that you‛ll break your parole and end up back at Rikers?‟

‟Yeah. I worry. You?‟ Toby wanted answers, and this woman had them. Getting her to talk wasn‛t going to be easy. She was angry, but so was he.

‟No. There are rules. Chris is within them. If his legs ever strengthen to the point that he can walk, he‛ll throw the chair in the trash. He hates it.‟

‟And yet, he races. How much money today?‟ Toby had to believe that this was all a lie. He had to stay mad, or he was going to have to admit that he was teetering on the edge, and it was a long way down.

‟You‛re an asshole.‟ Marsha shaded her eyes and watched the racers, not him. ‟He has bruises all over his body. I‛d like to kick the shit out of you.‟ She gave him a searing glare. ‟Chris can‛t count money or read or write. He gives it to Johnny and doesn‛t ask what happens to it.‟

‟Nice that he takes care of his lover,‟ Toby sneered. He wanted to punch sweet Johnny in the face. Chris was still a lying, horny bastard. Suddenly, the rest of her words registered, and Toby frowned. ‟I hurt him?‟ He hadn‛t meant to. Well, he had, but-. 

‟Now you ask.‟ Marsha kicked him in the shin. ‟Why don‛t you find another disabled man to harass? You mess with him again, and I‛ll make damn sure your parole is revoked!‟ She walked off, and Toby watched her talk to Johnny, and then they both glared at him. The gun popped, and Toby watched Chris start the race. Chris was in the middle of the bunch, and he looked determined. His helmet prevented Toby from seeing if there was obvious brain damage.

This was all a joke - a bad one - and Chris was working the angles like always. Toby walked back to his car. He should be with his kids. Not hanging out here, trading insults with a doctor that wanted to hurt him. Chris wasn‛t worth this. He never had been. Toby leaned against the car door and rubbed his leg. He was tired, and he didn‛t know what to think, to feel.

‟Why are you here?‟

Toby wasn‛t sure now. He‛d been so righteous, but it was all fading away. He looked at Chris‛s lover again. ‟John, I don‛t know how to explain this. We were close, and he hurt me. Okay?‟

‟So now you‛re determined to make his life hell, even though he doesn‛t remember it?‟ Johnny stepped so they were face to face. ‟Why don‛t you go home?‟

‟He honestly doesn‛t remember? Chris is a fucking con man, and it‛s damn hard to believe he‛s changed. You sure he‛s not angling for money and extra blowjobs?‟ Toby stuffed his hands in his pockets so he didn‛t hit him.

‟We‛re not lovers. Not that it‛s any of your business. He‛s my friend. Something I bet you don‛t have. Chris doesn‛t remember anything from before his injury. The doctors say that he never will. He started over again, and he does his best with damn little.‟ Johnny smirked. ‟I‛d be willing to bet that he‛s a better man than you are. Now take your Armani suit and your Beemer and leave him the fuck alone!‟

‟Nice speech.‟ Toby would bet that somewhere inside of Chris there was a memory of what they‛d shared in the relative darkness of a pod. It might be in his dick, but it was there. ‟Now, here‛s some truth for you. Chris was put in prison because he killed a man, and while he was there, he killed again and again to get what he wanted. Deep inside him is a killer, and he may look all sweet and cuddly now, but he‛ll kill again. Who knows, maybe you this time.‟

Johnny raised his eyebrows. ‟I‛m hoping it‛s you.‟ He turned and stormed off. Toby didn‛t get in his car. He‛d loved that murderer, and that love hadn‛t faded away. It should have, but it hadn‛t, and Chris was alive. Alive. Toby‛s eyes were drawn to the big screen that showed the race. There had been a huge crash, and he looked for Chris. No one was hurt, but several were out of the race, and Toby found a better place to watch. They‛d be by again soon. This was a damn crazy sport. The men were strapped into those three-wheeled chairs, and they couldn‛t even crawl to safety.

The leaders came around the corner, and Toby found Chris instantly. It was as if his eyes couldn‛t look anywhere else. Chris was in third, but it was early in the race. Toby had no idea if there was a strategy to this. Maybe they just went until their arms fell off. Chris didn‛t look tired, and no one knew him better than Toby did - not even Johnny and Marsha. They needed to butt out. Chris didn‛t need anyone protecting him. Half-deaf, mute, and crippled, if it were true: he was still a dangerous man.

Toby thought back to their tussle in the street. Chris could have hurt him. Why hadn‛t he? Toby closed his eyes and visualized it. Chris hadn‛t even tried until Johnny had stepped in between them. Why not? Toby didn‛t know. Chris had looked confused and then finally angry. The old Chris would have tried to kill anyone that had grabbed him like that. Toby put it all aside for a moment, dug out his cell phone, and checked on his kids. They were at a party and having plenty of fun from the sounds of things. By the time, he put his phone away, the race had come around again.

Chris was in second, and there was no doubt in Toby‛s mind that they might as well hand him the check. Unless he crashed, he would win. Toby remembered very well what it was like to caress those muscles, and Chris‛s arms were bigger than they‛d ever been. His shoulders looked cut from marble and it was extremely hard to believe that he couldn‛t walk, but it had taken two men to get him back in his chair. Chris had blushed from ... shame?

Toby had hated that Chris was dead. Chris had died. Had he come back a different man? Was the predator gone? Toby had a hard time believing that even death could kill the animal that lived inside Killer Keller.

‟Last lap! And Chris is in the lead!‟ The announcer blared, and the crowd cheered wildly. Chris had fangirls. Toby couldn‛t decide whether to laugh or punch someone. He wasn‛t sure why he stayed, the race was a foregone conclusion, but he clapped when Chris crossed the finish line first - well ahead of the competition.

‟Chris wins again!‟

Toby didn‛t see it all - the crowd pushed around him, so he faded back to the van that Chris had gotten out of and waited. Johnny was carrying a big trophy, and Marsha was taking Chris‛s pulse. Chris‛s eyes met Toby‛s, and Toby didn‛t do anything but stare at him. This was nothing. It meant nothing. He felt nothing. Damn it.

‟You again?‟ Johnny looked as if he might hit him with the trophy. Chris caught Johnny by the arm and shook his head.

‟Wouldn‛t want to kill me in front of Chris‛s fans,‟ Toby said brightly. He hated this. He hated seeing what he‛d done to the man he loved. Chris shook out his arms and took off his helmet. His hair was plastered to his head from sweat, and Toby‛s heart stopped. It stopped. Oh, my God.

‟Channel Five, can I have an interview with our winner?‟

Toby couldn‛t bear to watch. He slunk to his car and sat with his head in his hands. He‛d killed Chris. Chris was dead. All that was left was a wreck of a man with a dent in his head and no recollection of what he‛d been - what they‛d done to each other - how hard they‛d loved. 

Slamming his hands against the steering wheel, he refused to shut his eyes and see it all for the umpteeth time. The sound of Chris‛s body hitting the floor echoed from the past, and he would not listen again. He would not! He struggled to regain his composure. Chris was dead! Toby wiped the tears from his face and went to be with his children.

**********

Chris was glad to get in the van and shut the door. He wasn‛t no damn winner. He was an idiot - couldn‛t they see that?

‟Back hurt?‟ Marsha asked.

Chris reluctantly told her that it did. It ached, and he was worn out. Now that had been a race. If he wanted to go farther, he was going to have to do some road work. He tapped Marsha on the shoulder and signed his question.

‟I don‛t know where he went.‟ She obviously didn‛t care. ‟You took off your helmet, he turned white as a sheet, and he was gone. He needs to stay gone.‟

Johnny made a rude noise. ‟He accused me of being your lover. The guy is warped.‟

Chris sipped his water. It didn‛t take a brain doctor to figure out what had happened. Beecher had seen Chris‛s fucked up head and run off. He wouldn‛t be back. Chris rotated his shoulders and made a quick sign where Johnny could see.

‟He wasn‛t cute!‟

Chris poured some water on his head and smiled. He knew what he liked.

********

Toby put his Beemer in the garage and his Armani suit in the closet. He took a long shower, dressed in casual clothes, refused to think about Chris, and went to see what his kids were doing. 

‟Dad! Come watch TV with us!‟

Toby settled down next to her and put his arm around her. This was what mattered. They were what was important to him.

‟In other news - Chris Keller won again today in strong fashion. He‛s the best New York has to offer and should begin competing nationally soon.‟

Toby reached for the remote, but Harry stopped him. ‟Look at him go! He‛s the best!‟

‟And he‛s so handsome,‟ Holly said.

Toby bolted to the bathroom. He fell to his knees and vomited. Falling. He was falling, and this time he wasn‛t going to hit bottom.

*********

Chris lay abed longer than usual. Johnny had gone to work, and Chris‛s muscles ached. He flexed and stretched, but he hurt. What he needed was a good fucking. He rubbed his dick. Well, it couldn‛t hurt. Unless he had to be on top. He groaned and nearly winced at the horrible sound. As long as he kept his mouth shut, he could get laid. He struggled up and twisted his back to loosen it. His legs stuck straight out and laughed at him. Six steps - that was all he ever got out of them, but Johnny wasn‛t giving up, so Chris wouldn‛t either.

Chris‛s stomach grumbled, and he put himself in the wheelchair. If he could have, he would have yelled ouch, but all that came out was a growl. He downed a couple of aspirin before going to the kitchen to find some food. Banana first and then some cereal that Marsha said was good for him. He ate in front of the TV. Some of it he still didn‛t get, but he was getting better. Well, he thought so, but maybe no one else would. The big words were hard. He ate two bowls, fumbled out of the wheelchair, and got comfortable on the sofa. Some rest was a damn good idea.

‟Hey, ya big dummy!‟

Chris didn‛t open his eyes, but he was awake now. He used his middle finger to speak for him.

‟I brought food, and I‛m sure you want a massage.‟ Johnny sounded happy.

Chris glanced at the clock. Straight up meant it was lunch, since the sun was out. He tried to stretch, but it all ached so he skipped it.

‟I bet you hurt like hell.‟ Johnny helped him up. ‟Food, whirlpool, and massage.‟

Chris didn‛t know why Johnny was home, but it didn‛t matter. The massage, now that mattered. Back in the wheelchair, they ate burgers, and then Johnny grinned. ‟Ready?‟

Chris forced his throat to work. ‟Ezzzz.‟

‟Damn. You are hurting!‟ Johnny got up fast. ‟I gotta call Marsha and tell her about this word! She‛ll be so excited.‟

Chris tried to run over him with the chair. 

*********

Toby made the only decision that made any sense after a week of hoping that he didn‛t fall asleep because of the dreams that waited for him. Falling. Fighting. Dying. Fucking, and back to falling, but now it was him hitting the floor hard and staring up at himself, reaching out. Once or twice, he‛d had to puke.

He was going to see Sister Pete. She worked over at St. Ignacius High School now, and from the look on her face, she was more than astonished to see him.

‟Tobias!‟

‟Sister.‟ Toby gave her a kiss on the cheek and a hug. ‟How are you?‟

‟I‛m doing well. I like it here.‟ She smiled and waved at some chairs.

Toby sat down next to her. It was good to see her, but he didn‛t want to re-hash the bad, old days, or catch up on the gossip. "Chris is alive.‟

‟I know. Gloria told me before I took the job here.‟ Her answer was quick, firm.

The shock worked through his system before he clasped his hands together. ‟You ... didn‛t think to tell me?‟

Sister Pete took her glasses off and met his eyes firmly. ‟Of course I did, but from what I understood, he was so damaged that he‛d spend his life in a nursing home. I made the decision to spare you the guilt.‟

He couldn‛t thank her for that, and anger curled in his guts. It wasn‛t her decision to make. She should‛ve called him. ‟Do you watch the news? At all?‟

‟Not often.‟ Sister Pete frowned. ‟Did I miss something?‟

The local new channel had made him a tape of all of Chris‛s races after he‛d lied about using it for an inspirational speech. He looked around, spotted a TV/VCR combo and played it for her. Her mouth couldn‛t drop open any farther. Toby sat back down and rubbed his forehead. He‛d watched it a dozen times already.

‟He doesn‛t remember me.‟

‟Good. Good for him, and good for you.‟ She shut it off, removing the tape. ‟Chris has a life with people that care about him. Tobias, move on with your life!‟

Quickly, he clutched the tape, feeling as if she‛d hit him. ‟I haven‛t forgotten what we had. God knows that I wish I could.‟

Sister Pete sighed, almost a groan. ‟Tobias, for once, save yourself. Please.‟

‟I never could,‟ he whispered. His shoulders slumped, and he wondered if she‛d ever cared about Chris. Slowly, he got to his feet and kissed her again. He didn‛t know what he‛d do, but he knew she‛d never understand. ‟Take care.‟

She shook her head, rising and grabbing him by the arm. ‟You‛re not listening, again.‟

Toby wasn‛t sure what he‛d come for, but he certainly hadn‛t got it. ‟I have to see him.‟

‟He‛ll break your heart all over again. It‛s what he does, and nothing will change him. Maybe this time, you‛ll cut him loose.‟ She went back to her desk and sat down. Toby had no answer for her. He returned to his car and sat in a heap of guilt and frustration. He‛d tried to forget, but it wasn‛t possible. He‛d tried to hate him, but it wasn‛t happening. He‛d told himself over and over again that he didn‛t care, and he was a damn liar. Chris was alive. Toby had to see him, talk to him, kiss him. He‛d been a fool to think he had a choice.

********

Chris made sure he had his key before rolling out the door. It was a nice day, and he was going to the park. He had even made the effort of getting out his racing chair. Johnny said that there were no more races this year, but Chris wished there were. Someone helped him out the door, and he made it to the park in record time. There weren‛t many people, and he went slow at first, but each lap he tried to go that much faster. When the burn felt good, he stuck with it until he couldn‛t any longer, and then did more laps slowly to cool down. Pulling out his water bottle, he took a long drink and stopped. Now this was good day.

‟You‛re fast.‟

Chris didn‛t have to look to know who it was. He slowly backed his chair away. It was time to go home.

‟Don‛t leave. Please. I just want to talk. I swear.‟

He wasn‛t sure. Beecher might be handsome, but he had a temper. Chris drank some more and shrugged. He wasn‛t scared, but he didn‛t want to fight.

‟My name is Tobias Beecher. We knew each other in prison.‟ Beecher stuffed his hands in his pockets. ‟I‛m sorry that I hit you.‟

Chris pushed the wheels, and Beecher fell into step beside him. They stuck together, and Chris wondered if Beecher was waiting for him to say something. Chris finally stopped, made the sign for his name, and stuck out his hand. Beecher shook it firmly. ‟It‛s nice to see you again, Chris.‟

Words Chris didn‛t have ached in his throat, and he cursed his stupid brain like he did every day of his life. Slowly, he released Beecher‛s hand.

‟We were cellmates.‟ Beecher licked his lips and said softly, ‟Lovers. You don‛t remember me, do you?‟

Chris signed no. It was an obvious one. Everyone knew it. He got tired of shaking his head like a damn dog. The fact that he‛d had lovers in prison wasn‛t surprising at all. He liked sex. He liked a lot of sex. Often. He smiled and made an naughty sign with a finger and his fist.

‟Yeah. That.‟ Beecher coughed. ‟You fell. I see it in my dreams nearly every night. You fell over the rail. I tried to catch you, but you were gone.‟

Chris stared up at him. Falling. Always falling. That was him. He never hit the floor in his dreams. Without thinking, he reached back and ran his hand over his stupid head. Beecher put out his hand, and Chris backed away. No one touched him there. No one. He glared.

‟Sorry.‟ Beecher raised his hands and backed up. ‟I blame myself. You‛re in that chair because of me.‟

Chris wasn‛t sure he believed that. He‛d fallen. Of course, maybe this fucker had pushed him. Lovers did fight. He knew that from watching Johnny and his girlfriends.

‟I didn‛t push you. I swear, but we were fighting, and I said some terrible things, and you grabbed me, and then it all just happened. Hate me, if you want.‟

Chris thought that was stupid. He didn‛t even know this guy. Giving the wheels a push, he headed for the diner on the other side of the park. He was hungry, and Marsha didn‛t like it when he skipped a meal.

‟You‛re leaving?‟

Chris made a motion as if he were eating. He didn‛t care if Beecher came along. They weren‛t going to be friends, but being alone wasn‛t Chris‛s favorite thing. He stared up at Beecher. The guy looked lost, sad, and even tired. Slowly, Chris stretched out his hand. Beecher stared at it.

‟I can come?‟

Chris took him by the hand and got his wheels moving.

*******

Toby‛s heart was still beating hard when he opened the door to the diner, but Chris manuevered inside easily. He didn‛t seem to have trouble with doors. He handled that chair like a pro. Toby noticed the gloves that Chris wore on his hands. They were white. Augustus Hill had worn black. They were the mark of a man that didn‛t walk, not ever. Toby had been an idiot to think it was a scam, and he flushed from shame.

‟Look, Roy, Chris brought his racing chair!‟

A lady came around the counter, making a fuss over Chris. Chris rolled his eyes and made a couple of signs. Toby wasn‛t sure what to say or do, edging out of the way. He was a third wheel - no pun intended.

‟I know. You‛re hungry. That fancy chair is big. Come on to the back.‟

Hesitating, Toby trailed after them, and he noticed that she made sure that Chris was in a good spot. She turned and suddenly frowned at him. ‟And who are you?‟

‟Chris invited me with him.‟ Toby had rarely felt like more of an idiot. ‟Is that okay?‟

Chris rapped his knuckles on the table, and she laughed. ‟I‛ll bring two of what he‛s having. Chris, you buying for him?‟

Chris made a sign that Toby thought meant no. The waitress made a note. ‟Separate tickets. You want coffee?‟

‟Please.‟ Toby sat across from him and tried to work up a smile. Awkward didn‛t begin to describe this. She hurried away, and Toby tried to look casual. ‟Man, they love you here.‟

Chris didn‛t seem to care, not even making a sign or shrugging. Toby found himself staring at Chris‛s strong arms and wanting to run his hands down them. It was beyond pathetic since Chris didn‛t even like him. The waitress came back fast with a tea and a coffee. Chris smiled for her.

‟You‛re welcome. Give Roy a minute. Hey, when‛s your next race?‟

Chris talked with his hands, and Toby watched. She seemed to get it. Did everyone know sign language but him, or had they all learned it because they wanted to talk to a famous guy? Toby wasn‛t sure, but it couldn‛t hurt to learn a few words. If he was going to see Chris again. He wasn‛t sure he should. Sister Pete was right about one thing - Chris had a life.

‟I guess Johnny and Marsha hate my guts,‟ Toby said slowly when she‛d left again. It was all he could think of to say, and he‛d earned their animosity.

A fast nod and Chris made a sign that Toby thought meant yes. He also spread his arms.

‟They hate me a lot. I got it.‟ Toby couldn‛t help but laugh softly. "I shouldn‛t have hit you."

That got him a shrug. Chris didn‛t seem worried about it. Toby managed a smile. "Of course, I have hit you a lot harder than that. In Oz." He saw Chris‛s blank look. "Prison. You and I punched each other in the face about once a week."

After a short pause, Chris made several signs, and Toby thought he got it. "Yeah, next time you‛ll hit me hard."

Chris flashed him that brilliant smile, and they laughed together. Something knotted in Toby‛s chest eased, and words he‛d locked away came tumbling out. ‟At the prison, they told us that you were dead. When I saw you on the news, I just lost it. Everything we‛d been to each other, and when it all washed over me, I was angry.‟

Chris reached and took him by the hand. Toby clutched it. He hadn‛t meant to get all emotional, and he wasn‛t sure he was making sense. ‟I wanted to yell at you. Hurt you, and I‛m sorry.‟

Chris made a soft sound, but Toby had no idea what it meant. Thank God the waitress came back, forestalling any more words. She plunked two piled-high plates in front of them.

‟Two specials. I‛ll bring the dessert in a minute.‟ She hurried away, and Toby looked at his food. It reminded him of prison. There was even Jello. Chris started eating, and Toby did the same. It was pretty good, and he smiled at Chris.

Chris raised his eyebrows.

Toby knew a question when he saw one. ‟You eat the very same. That hasn‛t changed at all. You used to eat all of each part of the tray before going on to the next, and you held your fork that way.‟

Chris grinned and went back to eating. Toby drank his coffee and filled his eyes with Chris. The anger was gone. The hurt still lingered, but it was going to be difficult to hold a grudge against a man who didn‛t remember why they should be angry.

********

Chris wasn‛t sure what to think about Beecher. The guy was nice enough, when he wasn‛t hitting, but he needed to stop thinking about prison so much. It was over. Chris thought maybe he had it easy though. Since he didn‛t remember shit, it didn‛t bother him. Beecher smiled at him. That was a nice smile. He was cute, handsome. Did he put out? Chris finished his food and drank his tea. He was full. Louetta was nice, and he liked her, but she was married, so there was no chance of getting fucked there.

‟Are you happy?‟

Chris thought Beecher asked a fuck load of questions. He signed yes. He was. Life sure as shit could be worse. He remembered diapers clearly. He checked him out again. They‛d been lovers. Lovers. Not a quick, casual fuck because Beecher had thought there was love. Chris reached again and stroked his hand over Beecher‛s to see if he‛d groan.

‟Chris,‟ Beecher hissed. He must have liked it. Chris smiled and didn‛t mess with wishing that he remembered them fucking. They could make new memories. He liked blonds. Beecher wiped his mouth. ‟I guess that hasn‛t changed.‟

Chris didn‛t know what that meant. He frowned.

‟You‛re still one horny fucker,‟ Beecher said softly. ‟Very horny.‟

Chris barked his laugh. He was horny all the damn time. Beecher gave a small wince, and Chris knew why. The laugh was not a good sound, but it was all he had.

‟You done? I brought you something, but I left it in the car in case you weren‛t around.‟ Beecher got out his wallet, and Chris saw the flash of bills. There were lots of them. This guy was rich. Chris watched him put down some money.

‟You‛re both finished?‟ Louetta grinned at him. ‟Chris, some people over there asked if they could get a picture. Is it okay?‟

Chris rolled his eyes but agreed to it. People were stupid. Before long, he had a kid wrapped around him and some guy was snapping photos. That was it. Time to go. He flashed his smile - the one they liked - and made for the door. Louetta got it for him.

‟Thanks, Chris!‟ She waved, and he checked for Beecher. Beecher was trying to clear the door, and Chris didn‛t wait. He sped down the street, whipped around, and went back. Beecher had a strange look on his face.

‟You‛re a celebrity,‟ Beecher said. "Famous."

Chris made a face as if he‛d smelled something bad. He didn‛t like it, but Johnny said it was Chris‛s fault for winning, and Chris wasn‛t going to lose unless someone beat him. He crossed the street the way Marsha had taught him. Beecher was still with him.

‟My car‛s over here.‟ Beecher made it beep, and he ducked inside, showing off his ass. At least, that‛s what Chris was looking at. Chris was ready to get out of this chair. His dick was feeling it. He smiled and went as far as his building to wait for him. If he could get him in the apartment, there was a chance.

Beecher hesitated. ‟You sure? I don‛t want to piss Johnny off.‟

Chris got out his key and wiggled it. He was sure. Johnny was at work. Chris did the door dance, as Marsha called it, and took Beecher to the apartment. Beecher didn‛t try to take the key, which showed he wasn‛t a complete asshole, and Chris motioned him to go in first.

Beecher went in and shut the door after him. ‟Nice place. You never kept our cell clean.‟

Chris couldn‛t think of an answer to that. He put his key on the hook so he wouldn‛t forget. Now to get out of this thing. He locked the wheels and worked at it until he was free. Now he needed a hand. He waved Beecher over.

‟You need help?‟

Chris signed yes. He used his arms, but he was glad when Beecher caught him. Their bodies seemed to fit together, and Chris hated to take the one heavy step that would put him in his regular chair. Beecher held him. Held him hard, and Chris thought he heard a soft sob. Chris ran his hand through blond hair and nuzzled him.

‟God, I missed you.‟

Chris couldn‛t say the same, but this did feel good. Felt right. He almost felt like he could fly. His legs started to sag, and he stepped. The chair was cold, and he groaned softly. He wanted the touch back. Beecher cleared his throat, wiped his eyes, and looked sad.

Chris didn‛t know what to say or do. He should put his racing chair out on the deck, but he took Beecher by the hand. ‟S‛aree.‟ It was one of his words, and it hurt his throat to say it.

‟You‛re sorry?‟ Beecher leaned and put his head against Chris‛s. ‟Don‛t be. None of this is exactly your fault. I‛m sorry.‟

Chris wrapped his hands in Toby‛s suit coat and kissed him. It was the best kiss of his life. Beecher finally broke it, going to stare out the deck doors. Chris figured that meant he wasn‛t getting more. He wanted it all, but he wasn‛t going to tackle him to get it.

‟Could you forgive me?‟

Chris furrowed his brow. Beecher was serious, but it was stupid. Forgive him for things that Chris didn‛t remember? He sighed and spread his hands. He would, but it wouldn‛t mean anything. Beecher bit his lower lip. Chris gave him a small bump and opened the doors to the deck. Getting the racing chair out was a pain in the ass, but after a minute, Beecher got the idea, and then it went faster. They put the cover over it, and Chris made sure it was locked right. Johnny had said that someone would steal it.

‟Done?‟

Chris rolled back inside. Beecher got the door. Chris wanted to show him the bedroom, but it was their first date.

‟I should go, I guess.‟

Chris didn‛t want that. He pointed at the TV and smiled.

Beecher slicked his hair back. ‟You sure?‟

Chris nodded firmly. He turned on the TV, got them some drinks, and left his chair at the edge of the sofa. Beecher smiled. ‟Can I sit by you?‟

Chris stretched out his arm. Beecher sat close, and Chris let out a soft sigh. He loved to be touched. The chair made it hard to reach other people, and he wanted nothing more than to be held.

********

Toby knew he should go, but he couldn‛t. Chris was using those blue eyes, and Toby was helpless to fight him off. The TV was on a sports channel, and Toby remembered the tape in his pocket. One kiss and he‛d lost his ability to think - typical. He pulled it out. ‟Can I put this in?‟

Chris shrugged, and Toby fiddled until he got it set up. Then, he went to sit with him again. The feel of Chris‛s arm on him was wonderful. Chris gave out a grunt when the tape started, and they watched it together. After it shut off, Toby turned to him.

‟Are you going to compete nationally?‟

Chris frowned. He pointed to his head. Toby wasn‛t sure he understood.

‟You‛re thinking about it?‟

Chris signed no. He looked frustrated. Toby felt the same. He had to learn sign language fast or never talk to Chris again.

‟Did you like the tape? I had them make it for you.‟ Toby felt almost shy, and that embarrassed him further.

Chris grinned. That was clear enough. Toby played it again. He liked seeing the big smile on Chris‛s face after that last race. Chris tugged him a little closer, and Toby kissed him. The kiss went on forever, and he dimly noticed that Chris hadn‛t changed his style. His hands groped Toby‛s ass. Toby let himself be dragged on top and kissed breathless. Chris‛s dick was hard and shoving up into him. That long and thick part of Chris worked fine.

‟Shit. Sorry, Chris, I didn‛t know-‟

Toby yanked away fast and cringed. He had hoped to avoid this, and he should probably run for his car.

‟You!‟ Johnny balled up his hands into fists. ‟I‛m gonna kick your ass!‟

Chris pulled Toby down for another kiss, and Toby nearly laughed. Chris was still Chris. He made several signs that Toby had no hope of deciphering.

‟He‛s not your teacher!‟

Chris sat up enough, and Toby took a spot at the other end of the sofa. Toby watched Chris‛s half of the conversation, confused, wanting more but thinking now wasn‛t the time.

‟I know you like blonds, but he hit you!‟ Johnny threw up his hands. ‟I don‛t care if he is cute or nice or a good kisser! Shit!‟

Chris grinned. Toby eased to his feet and straightened himself. He felt about fourteen years old, but he was glad that Chris had said all those things. ‟Uh, I was just leaving. Chris, thanks for lunch.‟

Chris signed something. Toby didn‛t get it.

‟He says he didn‛t buy anything.‟

‟Well, it was his idea.‟ Toby wished his pants weren‛t bulging. ‟Can I leave my card, Chris? You could call me.‟ He knew he sounded whiny, needy, but he couldn‛t walk away with nothing.

‟Chris can‛t do numbers. He says they don‛t make sense.‟ Johnny frowned. ‟Chris, let me throw him out so hard he bounces.‟

Chris got back in his wheelchair. His hands never stopped moving.

‟He says you can call him, and he does need a teacher, and he didn‛t understand some question that you asked him earlier about racing.‟ Johnny groaned. ‟I am not a damn translator!‟

Toby sidled over, hit play, and let Johnny watch the tape. ‟I asked if Chris was going to compete nationally.‟

Johnny patted Chris on the shoulder. ‟Very cool, dawg. Chris, he means, would you like to race in other towns, far away?‟

Chris‛s eyes widened. He signed fast and hard. It hadn‛t occured to Toby that Chris wouldn‛t understand the vocabulary. The realization that Chris had brain damage swept over him. It was real now, and Toby swallowed so hard that his throat ached after it.

‟Of course you can. I just need to find the information on the internet. But you gotta hit the gym more. You‛re flabby.‟ Johnny smiled. ‟Yes, you are.‟

Chris growled, and Toby laughed around his pain. ‟I can help.‟

‟Chris, Beecher is a fucker. You sure you want him around?‟

Toby almost held his breath. Chris looked at him for a long time and then made some signs.

‟Shit. Well, okay, but one more punch and I‛ll put him in the ground.‟ Johnny meant that. It was easy to see. ‟I‛ll call my cousin Vinnie, and that‛ll be the end of it.‟

Toby went to Chris, relieved and grateful for another chance. ‟I have to go. We‛ll see each other again.‟

Chris smiled and reached. Toby kissed him - Chris didn‛t resist - and held him one more time. ‟Thanks, Chris.‟

Johnny made a rude noise. ‟I ain‛t as forgiving as he is, so get the hell out.‟

‟I‛m going,‟ Toby said, but he wouldn‛t let Johnny keep him from coming back, and he left his business card. So many emotions were ripping through him that he was dizzy. He leaned against his car and breathed. His head spun, and he hoped that he didn‛t fall down. He felt almost sick. He‛d promised to see him again.

He rubbed his face, lingering on his lips. His Chris wasn‛t dead, not completely. It was more as if Chris had started over from scratch and this time, maybe, he had a chance to be something other than a killer. Toby dropped into the car seat and shut his eyes. He was the same old asshole.

*********

Chris went to the gym after he had breakfast. Johnny had found a race, and Chris wanted to be in it. He‛d had to get in shape, or so Johnny said. Chris tried not to think about Beecher while he worked the weights, but he‛d said he‛d come back. He was a good kisser, and he didn‛t have any pity shining in his eyes, but that didn‛t mean much.

Cellmates? Lovers? Chris didn‛t know how much that shit mattered. He sure as hell didn‛t want to run into any of the guys from the prison hospital.

‟Hey, Chris!‟

Chris waved at the guy that worked the front desk and headed home. He‛d find some food, rest a little, and get out his racing chair for the park. Banging around in the kitchen, he spotted the card that he‛d seen Beecher hand to Johnny. Chris scooped it up, but he didn‛t know what was on it, and if he did, he couldn‛t talk. He was too stupid. Disgusted, he crumpled it and tossed it in the trash.

*********

Toby took his kids to school as usual and then forced himself to go home. He wanted to go see Chris, but he didn‛t want to look like a stalker. Johnny might really beat the shit out of him.

‟Last day of school, Tobias,‟ his mother said. ‟What are your plans for this summer?‟

He put down the newspaper that he‛d been trying to read instead of driving to Chris‛s apartment. She sat close and sipped her coffee. He smiled. ‟Any ideas?‟

Victoria nodded and smiled. ‟I was going to organize a few house parties out at the lake house.‟

He hadn‛t remembered that they owned one. ‟I haven‛t been out there in years.‟

‟We had it remodeled while you were away.‟

Taking a sip of coffee, he wasn‛t sure what to say in return. She never used the word prison - it was as if he‛d been on vacation - and he couldn‛t bear to make her face the reality. ‟You didn‛t get rid of the jacuzzi, did you?‟

‟Of course not.‟ Victoria had her calendar with her. ‟I had the weight room moved to the third garage, making another bedroom. As if either of you will work out!‟ She laughed softly at her own joke.

‟Weight room?‟ Toby didn‛t remember that either, but images of Chris lifting weights were eager to jump up and tease him. ‟Maybe I should drive up there and check it out.‟

‟I had it cleaned yesterday.‟

There was a predatory look on his mother‛s face that made him want to run so he went with a non-committal. ‟That‛s good.‟

‟Are you going out with Janice again this weekend?‟ There it was - her real agenda. She was planning his marriage, and he couldn‛t keep dodging forever.

‟Well,‟ Toby said slowly, thinking frantically. He liked her as a person, but one uncomfortable date was more than enough. ‟I‛m not sure she likes me.‟

Victoria frowned. ‟I spoke to her mother this morning. She assured me that Janice was enthusiastic.‟ Toby had a hard time believing that. She‛d seemed bored and worried that Toby would do something - like shank someone - to embarrass her.

‟Mother, I saw Chris Keller yesterday.‟ It was time to tell her, before things went any further.

‟He‛s dead!‟ she blurted. Her eyes widened, and he thought he saw her swallow hard.

Toby tried to gently explain. ‟That‛s what they told us. They lied. I saw him on the news. He races in this specialized wheelchair, and he‛s won all the races around here.‟

Victoria put her coffee down and leaned forward. ‟You‛ve seen him?‟

‟Yes. He-" Toby was forced to take a deep breath. It hurt to think it much less say it. "Has brain damage."

"More the reason never to see him!"

Toby didn‛t look at her directly. He still felt as if he‛d put him in that chair, and the pain of it dug at him. Chris didn‛t remember, thank God, but that didn‛t mean that Toby was off the hook. The blame was on him, and while he knew he wanted to see Chris again, he also knew that it might be the wrong thing to do - for Chris.

"He doesn‛t remember me.‟ Toby shrugged, not sure if that part was important. Well, it was, but for some reason, it wasn‛t. Maybe one of them remembering was enough. ‟I‛m glad he‛s alive," he said for the first time.

‟You‛re not going to see him again, right?‟ She looked somewhere between horrified and terrified. ‟Right?‟

Toby wasn‛t going to lie. He didn‛t know what he was going to do, but walking away would be damn hard. ‟I never stopped loving him,‟ he whispered more to himself than her. ‟I thought he was dead.‟

‟Tobias, he might kill you this time!‟ She surged to her feet. ‟I forbid this!‟

‟I‛m a little old for that,‟ Toby said dryly. He understood her upset. Hell, he‛d felt the same way, but it was Chris, and no one would ever understand what they‛d had. And now, it was possible they could have something different. Chris hadn‛t been shy about kissing him. Toby drank his coffee and tried to look unconcerned. ‟I can take care of myself.‟

‟Excuse me for doubting that. He broke your arms for God‛s sake!‟ Her eyes were wild now. ‟And Gary? Have you forgotten Gary?‟

Toby struggled to stay calm as those words stuck in him like darts. He took a shallow breath. ‟Mother, I hurt him also, and Chris had nothing to do with Gary.‟ He rubbed his forehead, remembering and hating it. Chris had taken the fall for Toby over Gary, but his mother could never know that. It was all so damn confusing.

She walked away from him. Her actions spoke louder than words, and gave him pause. She was right, and she was wrong, but it wouldn‛t hurt to think this all through for the tenth time. He‛d do it on the way to the lake house. The fresh air would clear his head.

*********

‟Seen blondie lately?‟

Chris didn‛t turn his chair to face him. He didn‛t want to talk about it.

‟You knew he was a jerk.‟ Johnny flipped on the TV. ‟We need to get out and do some serious roadwork.‟

Chris was sick of going in circles at the park, but Marsha had told him to stay out of traffic, and he didn‛t care that Beecher hadn‛t come over. It didn‛t matter. Chris had enough in his day to keep busy. Getting laid would have been nice, but he‛d find someone else. It hadn‛t been any more than that.

‟Was that a sigh?‟ Johnny waved his hand in front of Chris‛s face. ‟You didn‛t even know him!‟

Chris rolled to his room. It was stupid. He knew that, but he was lonely, and Beecher had talked about phone numbers. Beecher had acted as if he cared. Chris picked up one of the trophies that was sitting on the floor and stared at it. He didn‛t give a damn. He wouldn‛t. The weird feeling in his gut that had made him stretch out his hand meant nothing.

*********

‟Are you out of your fucking mind, Beech?‟

‟Uh, yeah. Remember?‟ Toby smiled a little. It was obvious that he was still fucked in the head. After all, he was here at Riker‛s instead of home. ‟But there isn‛t one person who understands like you do.‟

‟You fuck him yet?‟ O‛Reily licked his lower lip.

Toby rubbed his face hard. He should‛ve expected that question. He‛d come here for more than one reason, but the most important one was Chris. ‟No! Listen, what the fuck should I do?‟

O‛Reily put his hands flat on the table and rubbed them back and forth. He cocked his head to the side. ‟You got any jizz?‟

‟Still in twenty-three hour lockdown?‟ Toby thought he knew the answer just by the wild look in O‛Reily‛s eyes. Seeing him had been impossible until Toby had claimed to be O‛Reily‛s lawyer.

‟Fuck yes.‟ O‛Reily looked pissed. ‟Sucks, which you know.‟

Toby hadn‛t forgotten. He doubted he could. ‟What you need is a lawyer. Someone to make a few waves.‟ He didn‛t mind doing it. Prison should suck, but this place went over the line. ‟It‛s not a problem.‟

‟I want a job in the hospital,‟ O‛Reily said softly. ‟That‛s all I want.‟

‟I‛ll do what I can.‟ Toby didn‛t have much jizz, but he‛d use it. ‟You love her so much?‟

‟About like you love that scumfuck Keller.‟ O‛Reily shrugged. ‟Don‛t make no fucking sense, but there it is. I ain‛t never turning it loose. You know what the fuck I‛m talking about.‟

Toby did know, and the knowledge sat uneasily in the pit of his stomach. He dug in his suitcoat pocket and slid a calling card across the table. ‟Her cell phone number is on the back.‟

O‛Reily scooped it up fast and kissed it. ‟Damn, I love you, man.‟ He leaned back. ‟But save it for Keller - the asshole. I thought for sure he was dead!‟

‟Me too.‟ Toby was so glad that Chris wasn‛t, and perhaps it was only in this place that the true joy of it could wash through him. Thank God, Chris was alive. ‟My family is appalled.‟

‟Well, fuck yeah. No brainer there, dickhead.‟ O‛Reily laughed. He was gripping that calling card as if it might fly away. ‟You‛re still a momma‛s boy, and after all that Oz did to you. You should have balls. Guess not.‟

Toby didn‛t flinch. ‟So, I pretend none of it happened?‟

‟Hell, no. Kick his ass, and then fuck him. That‛s what you two always did!‟

Toby nearly burst out laughing. That‛s exactly what had happened. He‛d punched Chris in the face, and then they‛d made out on the sofa. Shit, they were predictable.

The CO came into the room. ‟Time‛s up!‟

O‛Reily flipped him off but got to his feet. Toby hugged him. ‟Watch out.‟

‟Always.‟ O‛Reily rattled his cuffs and was gone. Toby wasn‛t going to stick around. He got the hell out of there before they found a reason to stuff him in a cell.

**********

Chris saw him on the bench, feeding the ducks. His heart beat faster and he hadn‛t started his laps yet. He stopped his chair and watched him. Beecher was sitting in the sunshine with some bread. He wasn‛t looking around, and he wasn‛t smiling. Today, he was wearing glasses, and the suit was back. Chris didn‛t know why he had this ache in his chest, but he knew that man put it there. Fucking stupid, but true. He didn‛t remember him, but it didn‛t matter.

Something seemed to draw Chris to him. Chris wasn‛t sure he even had a choice. He wanted to know Beecher - really know him. Johnny would curse at him, but he didn‛t care. Beecher was special, and Chris didn‛t even know why. He rubbed his throat and wished again and again for words. He would give anything right now for a few words. Beecher probably didn‛t give a damn. He hadn‛t come by for days.

Chris had worked hard on his laps, trying to forget him, but it hadn‛t done any good. Johnny had yelled at him for over-stressing his body, but it hadn‛t mattered. He‛d been a damn idiot to think they could be - do - something together. He made sure his gloves were tight. He had to do his laps. By the time he got done, Beecher would be gone. It would be the best thing. Johnny didn‛t like him.

A small sip of water, and Chris started out. He pushed hard, refusing to quit until his arms were shaking. When he couldn‛t make the wheels spin one more time, he let the chair slowly stop. He wouldn‛t look. Fuck no.

‟Quite a workout.‟ Beecher‛s voice was smooth. ‟Are you training for a race?‟

Chris signed yes but didn‛t look him in the eye.

‟You look pissed at me.‟ Beecher laughed softly. ‟I‛ve seen it before, ya know. It‛s in the eyebrows. Well, I‛ll tell you the damn truth, if you want to hear it.‟

Chris looked at him now, waiting for the bad news, waiting for Beecher to tell him to fuck off. There was no way a rich man like Beecher wanted a freak for a boyfriend.

Beecher smoothed his hair back. ‟I wasn‛t sure that knowing you again was a good idea. You hurt me, and I hurt you, and I sure as fuck don‛t want to do any of that shit again.‟

Chris took another drink. Just because he didn‛t remember, didn‛t mean that it hadn‛t happened. Fighting was dumb, and he didn‛t want to hurt Beecher. Chris told him to go home and stay gone.

‟I can‛t walk away from you.‟ Beecher lifted his face to the sun. He hadn‛t understood the signs. ‟I want to get to know you again. If you don‛t want me around, now‛s the time to tell me. I‛ll leave, but I won‛t like it one damn bit.‟

Chris shook out the muscles in his arms. He was tired of being lonely, and he couldn‛t deny the tug in his chest that made him want to kiss Beecher. Slowly, he held out his hand.

Beecher took it and smiled. ‟Can I call you Chris? You always used to call me Toby or Beech or, well, other things.‟

Chris laughed roughly. He nodded slightly, turning him loose reluctantly. Toby was a good name. Chris pointed at his apartment building and then his water bottle.

‟Got it. You‛re thirsty. I‛ll go with you, if you promise not to run over me.‟ Toby shoved his hands in his pockets and took a step that direction. Chris kept his front wheel next to him. This was a start.

*********

‟Whaddaya mean you‛re bored out of your damn mind?‟ Johnny frowned. ‟Go do the damn laps!‟

Toby saw Chris sigh. Chris must be tired of the park. No wonder it had been so easy to talk him into lunch and a walk. Toby hadn‛t realized that it had gotten so late, and now Johnny was home and pissed off. Toby looked at Chris. ‟Isn‛t there somewhere else you can go?‟

‟Not really, unless we could find a track, but the high school locks theirs.‟ Johnny spoke up. Chris raised his eyebrows and signed. Toby didn‛t get it, so he looked at Johnny. ‟He said that he‛s going to use the highway.‟

Toby didn‛t think so. ‟Chris, Marsha will kill you.‟ He checked the time. His kids were in a day camp until five, and he should go home. Chris and Toby had spent the last three days together in the afternoon. Toby had waited for bad shit to happen, but all they‛d done was talk - as much as they could, laugh, and kiss each other. It had been nothing but good and damn strange. No hacks messing with them. No one died, and for once, he wasn‛t angry about anything.

‟I‛m sorry, Chris, but unless you want to come to work with me, you‛re stuck!‟

Toby saw Chris‛s frustration clearly. It wasn‛t as if he could get on a bus and go to a track. ‟Aching for the open road, huh?‟

Chris grunted. That was a yes. Toby‛s cell phone rang and he got it. ‟Hello?‟

‟Hey, Toby. It‛s Angus. Are we heading out to the lake house this weekend?‟

Toby looked at Chris. ‟I was thinking about skipping it.‟

‟Come on. The trees, the fresh air, the jacuzzi full of girls: you‛ll have a great time.‟

‟Hey, are those weights yours?‟ Toby knew they weren‛t his.

‟Yep. Mother wants to throw them out. I said no.‟ Angus laughed. ‟Well?‟

Toby smiled at Chris, and it all clicked over into a plan. ‟Maybe. We‛ll talk later, okay?‟

‟Sure. Later.‟ Angus hung up, and Toby shut his phone. He had a good idea, but he wasn‛t going to rush into it.

Chris snapped his fingers at him and went for the door. Toby waved goodbye to Johnny, who ignored him, and went out with Chris.

‟I have to go home to the kids.‟ Toby got the outer door for him. Chris was probably going to do some laps. Toby knew his mother had plans for him this weekend, but all he wanted to do was be with Chris. She was going to be furious, but he would deal with it. Toby asked casually, ‟You ever date anyone?‟

Chris frowned, but then signed yes. Toby wasn‛t surprised. He walked Chris to the park but sat on a bench. Chris rolled next to him and asked a question with his eyes.

‟Want to go to the movies tomorrow night?‟ Toby hoped he didn‛t sound like a fool. ‟Dinner and a movie?‟

Chris smiled. That was answer enough. Toby leaned, and Chris kissed him.

‟Tell Johnny that I‛ll pick you up at six, okay?‟ Toby wasn‛t worried. Either way, they‛d be together. Chris signed yes, and Toby found his car keys. One more kiss and he walked to his car. Chris was already making time around the track. Toby watched him for a minute. That was Chris Keller, but it wasn‛t, and it was strange as all hell. Toby didn‛t know if Chris liked him at all. Kisses didn‛t mean anything.

*********

Chris sat on the towel that he‛d put in his wheelchair and used the other one to dry off.

‟Nice and clean for your date?‟ Johnny raised his eyebrows and laughed.

Chris told him to get out and shut the damn door, but Johnny took a piss anyway. Johnny wasn‛t shy, and sharing meant sharing. Chris didn‛t care. He had the feeling that he‛d seen plenty of dicks in his life.

‟Are you nervous?‟

Chris shrugged. He hadn‛t been to a movie yet, but it could be fun. Drying his hair, he ignored his lumpy head. These last days, for him, had been good. He wished he knew a fancier word for it. It had been better than good. Quickly, he told Johnny that.

‟This falls under too much information. My brain may explode. I think you‛re better off with anyone else.‟

Chris wasn‛t going to listen to that. He knew what he liked, and he liked Toby. Everything was better with him around. The wheelchair was less. Toby didn‛t look at it. Chris had gone out with a few women, but they‛d nearly fallen all over themselves trying to make life easier for him. He‛d fucking hated it. Toby didn‛t do that. He waited or he ignored it, but he let Chris do whatever it was.

‟Which shirt are you going to wear?‟ Johnny teased.

Chris went to his room instead of flipping him off. Johnny didn‛t like Toby, and Chris didn‛t care. Johnny wasn‛t dating him. Chris was surprised at the anger he felt at the thought. Would Toby still date other girls? Or guys? Chris growled softly and found his favorite black shirt. He wanted to look nice, and suddenly it scared him. Caring for someone was dangerous. He knew that. Johnny and Marsha were safe, but Toby might not be.

‟Wow, you look nice.‟ Johnny leaned against the door. ‟Can I date you?‟

Chris shook off his worries and laughed. Now he used his middle finger. He stood long enough to zip his pants. When his legs gave out, he finished dressing sitting down. He put on his nice shoes and waited for Johnny to make another crack.

‟Well, since you‛re determined to see this asshole, let‛s talk about money.‟

Chris paid attention now. He gave a shove so he was closer and then asked what. Johnny groaned one more time. ‟You‛re sure?‟

Johnny frowned as Chris told him to shut up and fork it over. ‟Okay, well, he asked you out, so he probably plans to pay, unless your pride can‛t handle that. Put this one in your left pocket. It‛s enough for dinner most anywhere.‟

Taking it, Chris stuffed it away. He didn‛t bother to ask what it was, and he wasn‛t sure about his pride. Johnny held out another one. ‟This one is for the movie. If you want snacks, there‛ll be enough change. You may have to ask Toby for help - the jerk.‟

Chris put it away and told Johnny to shut up again. Toby wasn‛t a jerk. Chris asked Johnny what he was doing tonight. 

Johnny shrugged. ‟Marsha is coming over. We‛re going to eat and go over all of my patients.‟ He must have seen Chris‛s next question because he finished, ‟Yes, you too. She wants an update on your legs.‟

Chris told him to lie, and he laughed. Johnny looked him up and down. ‟You look great. Keep your eyes open for a real date tonight.‟ He walked out of the room before Chris could hit him. Chris went to look in the mirror. He combed his hair again. Maybe he was a little nervous.

**********

Toby stood in front of his closet. He wasn‛t sure how to dress. A suit was too much, but jeans weren‛t enough. Sighing, he went with the geek look - khakis and a blue shirt. Chris had liked blue. He probably still did.

‟Date tonight?‟ Angus asked from the doorway of the outer room.

Toby zipped and tucked before going out to talk with him. ‟Yes.‟ He could tell by the look on Angus‛s face that he‛d had a long talk with Mother. ‟The kids are on a sleepover. I‛ll pick them up tomorrow.‟

‟I‛m impressed with the way you‛ve taken over their schedule.‟ Angus smiled, but it was forced. He folded his arms across his chest, betraying his discomfort. ‟He‛s a dangerous man, Toby.‟

‟No one knows that better than me.‟ Toby spoke firmly. Chris had been dangerous, but now Toby wasn‛t sure, not at all. ‟What you‛re forgetting is that I am also. Chris has two friends: Marsha and Johnny. They don‛t want me seeing him, and why? They know I‛m not a nice man.‟

Angus furrowed his brow. ‟Bullshit.‟

Toby went to comb his hair again. He wasn‛t going to shank his brother to prove a point. Staring in the mirror, he told himself to settle down. This was nothing. It wasn‛t like they were going to kill someone tonight. He leaned against the sink. Things were different now. Chris was different. The last few days had driven that home. That smile was the same, but it wasn‛t. Gone was the casual violence and the enjoyment that Chris had taken in it.

‟I can see you have doubts,‟ Angus said quietly.

Toby face him squarely. ‟Yes, but they‛re about me. Chris has started over, made himself into a good man, but I‛m still an alcoholic and the man that nearly killed him more than once.‟ He took a deep breath. ‟I don‛t even know if he likes me.‟

Angus rubbed his face. ‟Don‛t hurt yourself again. Please.‟

‟Don‛t worry, brother.‟ Toby gave him a fast hug. ‟I have to get going. You still dating Angie?‟

Angus nodded. ‟I like her.‟ He smiled. ‟Mother does also.‟

Toby got the message, but he wasn‛t listening. ‟Angus, Oz taught me one thing - no one owns these but me.‟ He cupped his nuts. ‟Get it?‟

Angus‛s eyes popped open wide and he coughed. ‟Got it.‟

Toby went to find his wallet, keys, and cell phone. He was tempted to call the limo company. Chris might like it. Temptation turned into lust at the thought of having Chris in the back seat alone. Toby made the call, explaining to them what he needed. He might have a martini. Just one. Damn. He was nervous if he was even considering alcohol.

‟Tobias, you‛re going out tonight?‟

Toby put his phone away and checked his wallet. He had enough. Was he buying? He‛d asked Chris out, but they were guys. Some crazy part of him remembered dinner in the cafeteria followed by lockdown fondly. They hadn‛t had any choices, but they‛d had each other. Belatedly, he realized his mother was waiting for an answer.

‟Chris and I are going to the movies.‟ He skipped over the dinner part. ‟My cell will be on. Call me if there‛s a problem with the kids.‟

She put her hands on her hips. ‟This is the biggest mistake of your life.‟

‟No. Kathy Rockwell was the biggest mistake of my life. This is a movie. We might get popcorn.‟ Toby shook his head, not knowing how to reassure her. ‟Mother, I love you.‟

She raised her eybrows. ‟Don‛t forget your shank.‟ With that parting shot, she left the room. He had to chuckle softly. She was beautiful and soft-spoken, but she sure knew how to hurt a guy. He didn‛t need a jacket. It was warm, and he went outside to wait for the limo. A mistake? Not damn likely.

*********

Chris flipped his gloves back and forth. He didn‛t know whether to put them on or not. For one night, he‛d like to pretend that he wasn‛t crippled and stupid. He tossed them on the side table, feeling like a fool. A soft knock on the door, and Marsha burst in before he could get there. He made sure not to look disappointed. She stopped and whistled.

‟Damn! You look fine!‟ She smiled and kissed him on the forehead. ‟Who‛s the lucky girl?‟

‟Uh, that would be me,‟ Toby said from behind her. He was standing in the open door. Chris wanted to push Marsha down to get to him, and she might have seen it on his face because she got out of the way. Toby smiled. ‟You do look handsome.‟

Chris blushed. He was a damn fool. His hands seemed to fail him, and he could only smile. Toby looked good enough to lick all over.

Johnny coughed. ‟Marsha, you were supposed to bring food!‟

Marsha groaned. ‟Shit! I knew I forgot something.‟

Chris laughed. Marsha told that lie all the time. She never forgot anything. One of these days, Johnny was going to catch on. He pushed towards the door and said bye with his hands, but Marsha and Johnny were arguing about pizza or Chinese and didn‛t seem to notice. Toby shut the door behind him.

‟That happens a lot, doesn‛t it?‟ 

Chris nodded. He locked his wheels, raised the foot flaps, and got to his feet. Toby was inches away, and he whispered, ‟Want to go have some fun?‟

Chris raised his hand and cupped Toby‛s face, sliding his thumb across lips that frowned too much. ‟Es.‟

Toby took hold of Chris‛s hand and held on tight as Chris sat down - stupid fucking legs. ‟I got a limo.‟

Chris kept that hand. He didn‛t know that word, but he‛d wait and see what it was - it might be something good. They went out the main door, and Toby pointed out a big, black car. It was very big. Chris had seen them before and now he knew the word.

A man with a hat opened the back door. ‟Good evening, Mr. Keller, sir.‟

Toby smiled. ‟He‛s a fan. Racing seems to be the hot thing this year.‟

Chris looked in the limo. Between the curb and the step - it was going to be hard to get in. Toby stepped up and slid across, waiting. Chris was going to give it a try, but the man hit a button and a small ramp came out from beneath. He didn‛t have any trouble getting up it. The man put the ramp away and shut the door.

‟Want a beer?‟

Chris used his arms to help him slide next to Toby, after locking his wheels. He took the beer and twisted it open. Toby was still looking in the the fridge - a car with a fridge. He was staring and licking his lips. Chris touched him up on the knee and asked what.

Toby swallowed hard. He shut the fridge fast. ‟I shouldn‛t drink. It‛s a parole violation. They could send me back to prison.‟

Chris got most of that. He stared at his beer in disbelief. The very last thing that he wanted was for Toby to have to go back to prison. Fuck no. Chris stuck it in the trash. Beer was good, but prison? He would be fine with a soda or nothing at all.

‟Hey, don‛t do that. I don‛t care.‟ Toby put his hand on Chris‛s arm. Chris signed no. He did care. Toby gripped him hard and pulled. The kiss was hard, rough, and Chris wanted more. Toby said softly, ‟Thanks.‟

Chris put his hands on Toby‛s face and kissed him again.

*********

Toby had never wanted a beer more, but when Chris threw his away, the desperate need fled, swallowed up by honest concern. Chris cared. He did, and Toby wasn‛t thirsty any longer. The kisses weren‛t gentle, and he didn‛t want it that way. He wanted to feel every kiss down to his bones. When the limo came to stop, he was shocked. Pulling away slightly, he hoped his hair wasn‛t standing on end. He felt like a car wreck, and he liked it.

‟You like Italian?‟ Toby asked awkwardly. He couldn‛t take his eyes off Chris‛s lips.

Chris reached between them and touched Toby‛s lips. Toby kissed the fingers. He wanted to start licking and work his way down.

The car door opened. Chris switched to his chair with a grunt, and Toby followed him out. Food. They were going to eat, and his dick hurt. They had reservations and were seated immediately, taking away the extra chair. Chris quirked his eyebrow at Toby, and Toby smothered a laugh. He‛d seen that so many times before, and it meant that Chris was ready to get naked.

‟Yeah, me too.‟ Toby was glad he was in the seat next to him. ‟My kids like this place. We can get pizza or lasagna, or anything you want.‟ He suddenly noticed that Chris hadn‛t bothered to open the menu. Marsha‛s words came back to him, ‛Chris can‛t count money or read or write.‛ Toby ignored his own menu. ‟I bet you eat a lot of pizza with Johnny around.‟

Chris shrugged. He fiddled with his silverware, and Toby had a moment of fear. He could hardly communicate with this new Chris, and if Chris got embarrassed, bad things would happen. Chris angry was something to avoid - if a person wanted to live. He looked up and put his hand on Toby‛s. The heat was palpable, driving away reason.

‟What can I get you to drink?‟ The waiter asked.

Toby had to swallow his spit. His khakis were too tight again. ‟I‛ll have some coffee.‟

Chris made a funny sign. Toby was surprised that he got it. ‟He‛d like a Pepsi. Some breadsticks?‟

Chris smiled. The waiter wrote it down. ‟The special tonight is manicotti. I‛ll be back with the drinks in just a moment.‟

Toby leaned back and tried to take a deep breath. He could do this. ‟The manicotti is pretty good. Holly likes it.‟ He saw Chris‛s blank look. It was strange to think that he knew everything about Chris, but Chris knew nothing about him.

‟I have two children: Holly and Harry." Toby saw Chris‛s eyes widen in surprise. "Their mother died while I was in prison. You, well, helped me through it." He refused to believe that had been a lie, even if Chris had broken Toby‛s arms later. "I probably talk about them too much.‟

Chris looked a little stunned, and Toby didn‛t know what to say. He didn‛t want to talk about his family, particularly his mother - that was certain. Chris tapped the menu and frowned.

‟I know. Marsha told me.‟ Toby leaned that much closer. ‟I‛ll tell you some truth.‟

Chris‛s eyebrows went up.

‟You never did read all that well.‟ Toby made sure to look very serious. He wasn‛t poking fun. It was just the truth, and Chris was man enough to take it. ‟School wasn‛t your thing, but there was no one smarter than you at getting what you wanted.‟

Toby had always respected Chris‛s keen intelligence, even if it had nothing to do with books. Chris pointed at his head and made a motion like a branch being broken. Toby disagreed. ‟You‛re not broken or stupid. Your brain works differently now. I may never get the hang of this sign language stuff. Half the motions look the same to me.‟

Chris rolled his eyes. It was clear that he disagreed. The waiter delivered the breadsticks and drinks, stopping their conversation.

‟Are you ready to order?‟

Toby hadn‛t even looked, and he was more hungry for kisses than food. ‟The manicotti is fine for me.‟

Chris nodded and handed the menu to the waiter. Toby did the same, and the waiter was gone again. Toby picked up a breadstick and tried not to laugh. He should‛ve gotten the wings. Chris took it from him and bit into it - hard.

‟You rotten bastard,‟ Toby said quietly. ‟You know as well as I do the first rule of prison.‟

Chris handed it back. He gave Toby a sly smile, and they laughed together.

********

Chris was nervous, but he was doing his best not to show it. They could barely talk, and he didn‛t know what to think about Toby having children. Not that it was important after those kisses. Staying in the limo would have been better than dinner. He got his own breadstick, relieved that Toby would cuss at him. If Toby was too nice, it was all fake. There were rules in prison, and stealing food could get a man killed.

‟Was that prison hospital nice?‟ Toby needed to eat that breadstick, instead of licking it. Chris answered the question by shrugging and making the name signs for Johnny and Marsha. Toby swallowed his bite. ‟Prison always sucks, but you did make two good friends.‟

Chris signed yes. He didn‛t like talking about prison, but with Toby it was different. Toby got it. He‛d been there. Even Marsha and Johnny didn‛t understand. They‛d gotten to go home every day.

‟I heard that the governor pardoned you.‟ Toby sipped his coffee. ‟Were you surprised?‟

Chris wasn‛t sure how to answer that. He made the sign for scared. It was an obvious one. He explained it all, knowing that Toby wouldn‛t know what it meant, but not caring. Toby was silent through another breadstick.

‟So, you didn‛t think that Marsha and Johnny would help you?‟

Chris signed no. Maybe Toby got more than he let on. Toby nodded slowly. ‟I‛ve never met a hack that gave a damn. At Rikers, one of them broke my arm - hurt like hell. The doctors were usually pretty nice. I spoke with Dr. Nathan the other day, the doctor that saved your life. She sent you to Marsha, knowing that she could help you.‟

Chris touched Toby‛s arm.

‟No, this one.‟ Toby turned his arm a little. ‟See the scar? That‛s where they operated on me.‟

Chris ran his hand over it. He had scars also. They‛d both been hurt. Was that why the kisses were so hot? Chris had kissed plenty of people since he‛d woken up in the hospital, but Toby made him want to come in his pants.

‟A hack gave you this scar.‟ Toby put his finger on Chris‛s forehead. ‟She beat the shit out of you with her nightstick. It‛s why you can‛t hear very well out of this ear.‟ He touched Chris‛s ear now. ‟It was terrible.‟

Chris frowned. He had a few answers, but they weren‛t nice to hear. He asked if he‛d deserved a good beating, but he could tell that Toby didn‛t get it. Toby knew more about him than he did, and it made him feel weird. Why did Toby like him?

‟Through it all, one thing held true. One thing I never doubted. I knew you loved me.‟ Toby looked away and pulled his hand back. ‟I‛m not always sure that you believed I loved you.‟

‟Here we are!‟ The waiter sounded happy. He put the plates down and looked at them. ‟Anything else?‟

Chris wanted to punch him for getting in the way, but the food did smell good. Toby got rid of the waiter, and Chris didn‛t know what to say. He stalled by eating.

‟It‛s incredibly ironic that now I‛m the one that loves you, and you don‛t remember a fucking thing,‟ Toby said softly. ‟Hell, I‛d feel lucky if you liked me.‟

Chris did like him. Toby was frowning again. Chris put his fork down, slid his hand around Toby‛s neck, and pulled him close for a kiss. Toby tasted like garlic. Chris turned him loose and smiled.

‟So, you do like me?‟ Toby licked his lips.

Chris told him yes and went back to eating. The quicker they got back in the limo, the happier he‛d be.

********

Toby decided to shut up. Like was better than hate, and since he‛d punched Chris in the face, he was ahead of the game. The manicotti was good, and Chris cleaned his plate. Toby wasn‛t quite that hungry, but he hadn‛t pushed a wheelchair around all day. He checked his watch and said, ‟We should go if we‛re going to make the movie.‟

Chris dug in his pocket and pulled out a hundred, but Toby wasn‛t going to let him pay. ‟I asked you out. I‛ll buy.‟

Chris put it on the table. His eyes narrowed, and he didn‛t look happy.

‟Ready for your ticket?‟ The waiter, in comparison, was too happy. ‟It‛s so nice to see a gay couple. We get so many parents with kids that scream their heads off!‟

Toby smiled up at him. ‟I‛ll tell my kids that when I get home.‟

The waiter turned red. ‟Oh, my. Well, I saw him kiss you. I‛m so sorry!‟

Chris handed him the hundred. Toby quit trying. ‟Fine, but I‛m getting the movie.‟ He wasn‛t sure the waiter deserved a tip, not after that remark. ‟Get him his change. I‛ll leave the tip.‟

The waiter cringed and hurried away. Chris wiped his mouth and unlocked his wheels. He was ready to go. Toby caught the handle of the chair. ‟He thought we were lovers. Gay means men that are lovers.‟

Chris raised his eyebrows and smiled. Toby had to stare at him for a moment. Chris had tried to kill people that called him gay, but tonight, he was smiling about it.

‟Does it bother you?‟ Toby asked quietly. He had to know. Chris signed no. He talked with his hands, and Toby wasn‛t sure he got it. He usually didn‛t. ‟You like it all?‟

Chris covertly pointed at a beautiful blonde three tables over. He clearly liked her. Toby rubbed his forehead. This would take some adjustment. Chris was openly bisexual now. No more lies. No more pretending that he didn‛t like men. Now he‛d tell the world that he liked fucking, and he wasn‛t picky about his partner. Toby wasn‛t sure he could handle it. He wasn‛t gay or bisexual, and he didn‛t want to discuss it.

‟Okay. Let‛s go before you kiss her in my limo.‟ Toby knew he sounded jealous. He was. Chris laughed. The waiter would get to keep the change. Chris picked up a toothpick on the way out, and Toby groaned. Of all the ways that Chris was the same, that was a bad one. Now Toby had to watch him suck it. The limo arrived, and they got in, and Chris wiggled his eyebrows. Toby put up his hands. After that discussion, he needed a minute to recoup. ‟I‛m too full for you to be mauling me.‟

Chris sighed and flipped his toothpick. Toby refused to feel guilty. Chris barely liked him. The ride to the movie theater was short, and they looked at all the posters.

‟Which one?‟ Toby smiled. He‛d read off the ones that weren‛t obvious. ‟So many choices.‟

Chris picked one with plenty of explosions and gunfire - predictable. Toby didn‛t like the small alcove for wheelchairs, but Chris couldn‛t get in and out of a seat. No wonder handicapped people were always pissed off.

‟Do you have a wheelchair?‟ Toby asked the young man near the door. He looked surprised, but went to get one. Chris looked confused, and Toby rolled it next to him in the back of the theater. Toby sat down and locked the wheels. Chris made a sign and pointed. Toby laughed. ‟Yeah. It‛s a piece of shit, but I don‛t plan on racing in it!‟

Chris locked his wheels and took the popcorn. Toby waited until the lights were down before holding Chris‛s hand. He ended up watching Chris more than the movie. Chris was clearly enjoying it. He ate most of the popcorn and had two sodas. Toby wasn‛t surprised when Chris had to piss afterwards. Toby went with him, but didn‛t watch or wait. That would be an insult. Chris caught up with him by the water fountain.

Toby saw him look back and got the feeling that he wasn‛t ready to leave. ‟Another one?‟

Chris grinned. Toby laughed, and they did it all again. This movie wasn‛t quite as violent, but the cops won in the end. Chris snorted, and Toby laughed. Neither of them were big fans of cops. When it was over, they had to leave. The place was closing, and Toby called the driver to come to the front.

‟Which movie did you like the best?‟

Chris went on and on about it, and Toby thought it was interesting because he didn‛t get nearly any of it, and Chris didn‛t seem to care. Chris craved contact - human voice and touch - he always had, and he still did.

When they were settled in the limo again, Toby got up the courage to ask, ‟Not being able to talk really pisses you off, doesn‛t it?‟

Chris frowned and signed yes. He looked confused.

‟As long as I‛ve known you, you loved to tell a good story, yell, curse, and generally make noise. The legs are a pain in your ass, but losing your voice, now that was God pissing on you.‟ Toby saw the truth flicker in Chris‛s blue eyes. Chris made a fist. Toby wasn‛t worried. Chris owed him a good punch, but Toby thought the anger was directed at God, not him.

‟Well, go ahead and yell sometimes. Let it out. Scream. Who gives a fuck if it sounds awful?‟ Toby didn‛t care. ‟You hate the silence. Break it. Don‛t be afraid.‟

Chris smacked his fist into his palm. He rubbed his face and looked completely pissed. Opening his mouth, nothing came out but a gargle of noise, and he snapped his mouth shut, hiding his eyes.

Toby grabbed hold of him. ‟Look at me.‟

Chris shook his head.

‟Asshole. It‛s not like you made me deaf. So what if it wasn‛t words? It was noise. Angry noise. Use your voice, not so you don‛t lose it, but because you need to tell God how pissed off you are about all of this.‟

Toby pulled him closer and kissed him. Chris sighed and held on tightly. Toby touched him everywhere and hoped that he understood. One kiss wasn‛t enough. Ten wasn‛t enough, and neither of them stopped until the door opened.

‟God fucking damn it all to shit ass hell!‟ Toby didn‛t want the ride to end, but a hotel was a bad idea, and taking Chris home was impossible. Chris wiped his mouth and laughed. Toby kissed him again before getting out to wait on the sidewalk. Chris signed something at the driver, and they shook hands. Toby smiled. He had a great time tonight, and he wanted more nights like this one.

Chris rolled to him, and they went to the door. Toby asked, ‟Key?‟

Chris felt his pockets, shrugged, and pushed the button.

‟Yeah?‟

‟It‛s Chris and Toby.‟

‟Kinda fucking late!‟ But the door buzzed opened.

They went inside together, and Toby knew it was time to leave, but he didn‛t want to, and he had the feeling that Chris felt the same. Johnny was glowering, and Toby watched Chris dig out some more money and give it to him.

‟You could have called!‟ Johnny tossed the money on the cabinet.

Toby let Chris do the talking. Chris used his middle finger twice, and Toby laughed softly. ‟Hey, I have to go. I had a good time.‟

Chris licked his lower lip. He rolled back to him and signed something.

‟He says he‛s never had more fun and he likes you.‟ Johnny sounded huffy about it. ‟I wouldn‛t get all excited though. He likes blonds.‟

Toby leaned, looked deep in those blue eyes, and waited for the right words. It took a second to find them. ‟Thanks for dinner, and I like you too. I really, really like you.‟

Chris kissed him. Toby heard Johnny‛s groan. It was time to go home, but he left with a smile on his face.

********

Chris found something to throw at Johnny and told him to go to hell.

‟What? You can‛t expect to get laid on the first date!‟ Johnny stretched out on the sofa. ‟Did you like the movies?‟

Chris smiled. He‛d had a great time, and Toby had made it better. He told Johnny that Toby had sat in a wheelchair, and they both laughed.

‟Okay, so he‛s not all bad.‟ Johnny changed the channel. Chris told him about the limo and dinner and everything else he could think of, and Johnny finally threw up his hands. ‟Enough! It was heaven! I get it!‟

Chris got close enough to smack him, and Johnny laughed. ‟I‛m glad you had a good time. Tomorrow, you have to work all that popcorn off.‟

Chris nodded, but that wasn‛t all he wanted to do tomorrow. He wanted to see Toby and get him out of his clothes.

********

Toby compared this dinner to last night‛s and it was sorely lacking - lacking Chris. Angus gave him a funny look, and Toby didn‛t bother to ask why.

‟Tobias, you‛ve hardly touched your dinner.‟ His mother smiled. ‟Samantha will think you don‛t like my cooking.‟

Toby gave her a false smile. She hadn‛t cooked any of it, and they both knew it. ‟It‛s excellent, as usual, but I believe I‛m a little under the weather.‟

Samantha put her hand on his arm. ‟I‛m sorry to hear that, Tobias. Maybe some fresh air would help?‟

Toby had to grit his teeth. His mother was starting to scrape the bottom of the barrel. Samantha‛s family was in hock up to their eyeballs, and if he knew it, everyone did. Her mother was practically salivating at the prospect of marriage.

‟Yes, yes, yes,‟ Samantha‛s mother chirped. ‟Why don‛t you take a lovely walk through the garden?‟

Toby had to now, but he tried to control a sigh of disgust. He helped her with her chair, gave her his arm, and they went out the French doors. She exclaimed over the flowers, the fountain, and life in general. Toby wanted to drown himself. He found a bench to sit on and waited for her to stop gushing. It was time to talk seriously. 

‟Sam, why are you letting your mother push you around?‟

She narrowed her eyes and sat down next to him. ‟I could ask the same.‟

‟My mother is grasping at straws, and she knows it. Yours?‟

‟The same.‟ Samantha gave him a sly look. ‟Everyone at the club says you‛re gay and not to bother. Well, some of the guys are interested, mostly waiters.‟

Toby rubbed his face. He hated this life. He hated the money, the gossip, the constant jockeying for position. ‟I swing both ways.‟ He almost groaned. Okay, so he was bisexual - like Chris. Chris was just more honest about it.

‟Got a boyfriend?‟ Her eyes glinted.

‟Yes. You?‟ Toby saw her malice and anger, and while he didn‛t blame her, he wasn‛t going to lie down for it.

She got to her feet. ‟Your poor mother.‟

‟Yes. And yours is also.‟ Toby didn‛t get up. He was fine here. She sniffed, and he could see that she‛d curse at him soon.

‟Did prison make you a faggot?‟ She had the balls to ask the rude question that everyone at the club was thinking.

Toby tilted his head to the side and considered it. He didn‛t remember liking men before Oz, but he‛d been busy doing everything his parents told him to and drinking like a fish. Always the alcohol to blur whatever he was thinking or feeling. ‟And you‛d marry me anyway?‟

She left him then, and he knew his mother was going to be angry in her own passive aggressive way. He didn‛t much care. It was time to do what he wanted with his life, or crawl back in the bottle. Every day in this house it was harder to resist. His mother had casually filled his wine glass at dinner. She was still in denial, but he wasn‛t. He got to his feet, rubbed his mouth, and went to the garage.

*********

Chris stretched out on the sofa and flipped through the channels. Johnny was half-asleep in the big chair that they‛d bought today. It tilted up so he could get in and out of it easily, but he liked the sofa. Still, it had been nice of Johnny.

Toby hadn‛t called or come by. Chris had hoped all day, and then cursed himself for caring so much. He shouldn‛t. It had been dinner and a movie. Nothing else. Nothing special. The door buzzed, and Chris threw a pillow at Johnny. Johnny grumbled but got it.

‟Yeah. What?‟

‟Is Chris there?‟

It was Toby, and Chris did his best to jump off the couch. All he managed to do was hit the floor. Johnny laughed and said, ‟Fuck off.‟ But he hit the buzzer. Chris growled and searched for something to throw at him. It was Toby! Johnny opened the door and came over to him. ‟This‛ll cost you five bucks.‟

Chris reached, grabbed Johnny by the leg, and pulled. Johnny fell, but he managed to land mostly on him.

‟Chris, you need some help?‟ Toby asked.

Chris managed a roll and put Johnny down hard. Johnny grunted and slapped the floor. ‟I give!‟

Toby was staring, and Chris smiled up at him while shoving Johnny‛s face into the carpet. Johnny yelled, ‟Damn it!‟

Chris turned him loose and said hello. Toby sank down on the floor next to him. ‟I didn‛t realize it was wrestling night.‟

Johnny got up and brushed off his jeans. ‟You suck, Chris.‟

Chris put his chin on his hand and looked up at Toby. Toby was so handsome, sitting there in his suit. He had his glasses on, but he‛d taken off his tie, and he was frowning. Again. Chris sighed. Toby thought too much. That was the trouble.

‟It‛s damn late for a visit!‟

Chris couldn‛t take his eyes off him. Toby was staring down at him also. Toby shrugged. ‟My mother invited this woman over for dinner. She called me a faggot and left. I got in the car and it brought me here.‟

Chris couldn‛t help it. He laughed. Johnny did too. Toby shook his head. ‟I‛m not gay!‟

Johnny rubbed his face where there was a red mark. ‟Uh, Toby. You like guys. I don‛t care how many girls you fuck, you‛re still gay.‟

Toby sighed again. ‟Maybe I‛m not gay or straight, I‛m just hung up on Chris, and everyone pales in comparison.‟

Chris didn‛t know some of those words, but he liked the hung up part. He moved his dick to a better place in his jeans and put his cheek on Toby‛s knee.

‟Oh, I‛m gonna barf. Tell you what - give me a yell when you‛re ready to get off the floor.‟ Johnny made a rude noise and left the room. Chris didn‛t watch him go. Toby stretched out on the floor next to him, and they kissed. Chris found places on Toby‛s body to hang onto and rolled to his back. Toby lay half on him. It felt so good to have him here. Chris slipped his hand through Toby‛s hair and pulled gently.

‟Since my day sucked from start to finish, was yours good?‟ Toby captured Chris‛s other hand and kissed him on the knuckles.

Chris shrugged and pointed at the new chair. Toby gave it a look. ‟Nice. Did you work out?‟

Chris flexed his arms. He had, but it had been damn dull. Toby was here now, and Chris wanted to fuck. They hadn‛t, but he was ready. How many times did they have to see each other before it happened? Johnny might know.

‟I‛ve been thinking. Would you like to spend some time out at my lake house? There‛s a jacuzzi, weights, and a deserted road that you can go down for as many miles as you like.‟ Toby didn‛t smile. He slid his tongue between Chris‛s fingers, and Chris forgot what they were talking about as his dick thickened.

‟Your jeans too tight?‟ Toby looked there.

Chris found Toby‛s bulge and rubbed it. Toby groaned softly. ‟Lake house?‟

Chris thought it sounded okay, but Johnny was the one to talk to because he handled the money. Toby rubbed against him. They kissed, and Chris made it last until Toby was moaning.

‟All right!‟ Johnny was back. ‟This is just wrong. You barely know him!‟

Toby smiled and kiss him again. "We know so much. Chris is going to have to throw me out to get rid of me.‟

‟Either of us could manage it,‟ Johnny grumbled. ‟Okay, Chris. Up, before you get a bruise.‟

Chris told him to shut up and leave, but Johnny signed back, which he almost never did. Johnny said that Marsha was on the way, and she‛d kill him if he was making out with Toby on the floor. Chris nudged Toby out of the way and sat up, grateful that Johnny had spared him the embarrassment of Marsha yelling at him. He pulled back almost to the couch. Johnny squatted, wrapped him close, and lifted as he pushed. Chris watched Toby‛s face for even a trace of pity, but there was none. Toby brushed off his pants. He looked tired - that was all.

Chris signed his thanks and smoothed his hair down. If Johnny would leave, they could kiss on the sofa now. Toby sat down next to him.

‟Chris, do you want me to talk to Johnny about the lake house?‟

Chris was amazed that Toby would ask. Toby didn‛t treat him like a baby. Chris grabbed him and kissed him hard.

‟Is that a yes?‟ Toby laughed.

Chris nodded. He was willing to think about it.

**********

‟Mother, I‛m moving out to the lake house for the summer.‟ Toby didn‛t ask permission. He was going. ‟I‛d appreciate your help in organizing the children.‟

She put her coffee down. ‟Certainly. There are a number of families that I‛d like to re-establish ties with this summer.‟

‟I‛ve invited Chris to live there also,‟ Toby said firmly. There would be no negotiating. ‟He‛s training for his next race. I intend to give him the master suite.‟

Victoria‛s spine stiffened. ‟A killer?‟

‟Like your son. Yes.‟ Toby sat down across from her. ‟If you say no, I‛ll find another way, but I‛m going to help him get ready for his race.‟

She picked up her coffee. ‟I‛m going to add brandy to this. The summer house is yours.‟

Toby stood and watched her march out of the room. That had gone pretty well, considering.

*********

Chris looked out at the road that stretched in front of him. He had no idea where he was, and he didn‛t care. There were trees, and sunshine, and it was time to go. They‛d talked about it forever, and he was finally here, and he was going.

‟Not too fast, Chris.‟

Chris flipped Johnny off and headed down the road. He felt alive when he was moving. The asphalt was smooth, and there were hills. He powered into them and flew down the other side. Free. He was free, and he didn‛t want to ever go back.

*********

‟This was a dumb idea,‟ Johnny said and punched Toby in the arm. ‟He‛ll never come back!‟

‟Of course not. We‛ll have to stay behind him.‟ Toby laughed and rubbed his arm. The simple joy on Chris‛s face had made all the problems worth it. ‟Our summer house is five miles from here. If he makes it, he can rest there.‟

‟If?‟ Johnny looked disgusted. ‟We‛ll drive back there when he collapses from exhaustion!‟

Toby thought that might be true, but he wasn‛t worried. ‟My kids want to meet him. He‛s a hero to them.‟

‟He‛s a hero to anyone that has a heart.‟ Johnny gave him a look that said he knew all about Toby‛s heart. Toby couldn‛t deny it. He knew all of Chris - the before and the after - the good and the bad. Johnny sighed. ‟You sure about him training up here?‟

‟It‛s his decision. If he likes the house, he‛s welcome to stay. He isn‛t going to have a chance at that race in Philadelphia if he doesn‛t train seriously.‟

Johnny looked down the road again. ‟If he agrees, I‛ll make him a training schedule, but you‛ll have to keep him on it, and I‛m not sure I trust you with him.‟

‟Then trust him with me.‟ Toby headed back to the van. ‟Come on. He‛s going to lose us.‟

Johnny got moving. ‟Is your sign language any better?‟

‟I understood what he said to you a minute ago.‟ Toby laughed and buckled up. ‟Chris and I get by.‟

‟It‛s damn weird,‟ Johnny muttered. ‟Half the time, I think you know what he‛s thinking.‟

Toby didn‛t have an answer for that. The fact that they still shared some weird connection had given him pause also, but it made him happy. Somewhere deep inside Chris‛s brain, he knew Toby.

‟You two fucked yet?‟

Toby flipped him off. ‟Did you get that?‟

Johnny laughed.

*********

When his arms burned, he slowed down, but not too much, finding his rhythm. He still had plenty of energy, and this was much better than going in circles in the park. Glancing over his shoulder, he hoped they didn‛t argue so much that they ran over him. They fought a lot, and Chris thought it was funny more than anything. Toby didn‛t take crap off anyone, and Johnny threatened to beat him up almost daily. It was much later when Chris smiled and slowed down enough to drink some water. He‛d probably gone far enough for one day. And fast. It had been fast. He came to a stop and waited for Toby and Johnny.

They piled out and ran to him. ‟You okay?‟ Toby asked quickly.

Chris smiled. He liked that Toby cared enough to ask.

‟Six miles.‟ Johnny grinned. ‟A long damn way!‟

Toby kissed him. ‟You want a ride to the house?‟

Chris asked which way with his hands. He wasn‛t ready to quit. Toby pointed back the way they‛d come. ‟Look for the van in the driveway. Okay?‟

Chris smiled. Toby treated him like a man.

Johnny handed him a fresh bottle of water and said, ‟Don‛t take too long, or I‛ll hunt you down.‟

Chris used his middle finger again, went around the van, and headed back. He did take the time to wave. After he saw the house, he had to decide if he was willing to stay there with Toby and train for the race. He wasn‛t sure. He‛d always been with Johnny. Sure, he loved Toby, but it wasn‛t the same. It could be good though. Some alone time on a bed would be . . . he told his dick to go down. His dick didn‛t care. It wanted some action, more than a few kisses and a grope.

Chris let some water splash down and shivered as he laughed. The van roared past him, and he decided to push hard. He made the wheels turn.

*********

Toby nudged Johnny aside and helped Chris out of the racing chair.

‟Asshole,‟ Johnny grumbled.

Chris wrapped Toby tight, and Toby laughed. ‟Shower?‟

Chris sat down in his wheelchair. He stole a kiss on the way down.

‟I guess I should leave you two alone.‟

Toby rolled his eyes. ‟Get over yourself.‟

Chris tugged at Johnny and tried to kiss him. Johnny fought him off, laughing. ‟All right, let‛s check this place out. If it sucks, you‛re leaving, and we‛ll find another way.‟

‟Johnny, it‛s Chris‛s choice. He knows what he can handle.‟ Toby thought Johnny was far too controlling. Chris was a grown man, who had been killing people when Johnny was in diapers.

Chris made some rapid signs. Johnny started pushing him up the sidewalk. ‟He said to quit bitching and start pushing.‟

Toby followed, laughing softly. For a guy that couldn‛t talk, he managed to get the last word more often than not. The house was set up so there was a master bedroom and bath on the first floor. Chris should be fine with just a few adjustments, but Toby was not going to push. This was temporary - summer only. Chris would go back to live with Johnny. The kids would be in and out this summer, and Toby expected his mother to show up at some point. She wasn‛t very happy about all this - to say the least.

There were two races on Chris‛s schedule this summer - Philadelphia and then Boston. Johnny and Marsha had chosen the races for proximity. Toby thought he understood. They weren‛t ready to let Chris go - not too far. And Chris? He might not be ready either.

The thought of Chris staying made Toby want to grin. The thought of him leaving in two months already made Toby want to protest. He hung back and let Chris look around. Chris raided the fridge for a soda first before going anywhere else. He did frown at the set of stairs, but he seemed to like the big deck.

Toby sat out there and waited for the verdict. Johnny had plenty of say before Chris could raise his hands.

‟The shower will need a special chair. The closet will need to be restructured, and where will you be sleeping?‟ Johnny leaned against the rail. He didn‛t look happy, but he rarely did.

‟Upstairs. The sofa. Out here. Does it matter?‟ Toby saw Chris‛s sly smile. Chris already had ideas about that big bed, and Toby had a few himself. Chris made some signs, and Toby thought he got it.  
‟No, I don‛t go to work. I help Angus occasionally, but I do that from home.‟

Johnny frowned. ‟You don‛t work?‟

Toby hadn‛t said much about that, so he kept it short. ‟I was a lawyer. I‛m disbarred. I do some consulting, nothing else.‟

Chris shrugged. He rolled off the deck and back around to the garage. Toby and Johnny trailed after him.

‟I thought you said you had weights,‟ Johnny said.

‟Here.‟ Toby opened the third garage door. He smiled when Chris‛s mouth dropped open.

Johnny gave a grunt. ‟Okay, but a jacuzzi?‟

‟On the deck. You didn‛t see it?‟ Toby watched Chris try them out. ‟I‛m more worried about helping him with his leg exercises.‟

‟You should be. Mess up and I‛ll fucking hurt you.‟ Johnny walked around the weights. ‟You‛ll have to spread everything out a little better.‟

‟I‛m sure Chris will tell me where he wants things.‟ Toby sat down on the weight bench. He hadn‛t lifted since he‛d left Em City, but he was willing to start again if Chris would wear those little shorts that hiked up his-

‟Toby, are you listening?‟

Toby blinked. ‟What?‟

Johnny pointed at Chris. Toby transferred his gaze. Chris had rolled out of the small garage into the larger. He made several rapid signs, and Toby was clueless. Toby looked at Johnny.

‟He wants to know whose motorcycle that is and if he can have it.‟

Toby didn‛t see it immediately, but he moved some bikes and saw it under a cover. He took it off and still had no idea. ‟Must be my brother‛s. Chris, you can have it, but I don‛t know where the key is.‟

Chris groaned, but Johnny looked relieved. ‟Chris, you don‛t have the strength yet.‟

Toby didn‛t know how to ride one. Chris used his middle finger again. He obviously thought he could do it. Toby had no idea one way or the other. ‟Chris, there are usually solutions to problems like these.‟

Johnny groaned now. ‟You get him killed and I‛ll kill you!‟

‟Hey, you‛re the one who lets him strap into a tiny three-wheeled chair and race around like a maniac!‟ Toby winked at Chris. ‟This is nothing.‟

‟Chris, he‛s making me fucking nuts.‟ Johnny threw up his hands. ‟Are you staying or not?‟

Chris bit his lower lip and looked at Toby. Toby ducked his head and found something interesting to look at on the concrete.

‟You‛ll be back by Fall. No way you‛re living out here in the boonies during winter.‟ Johnny suddenly laughed. ‟No, he‛s not cute, and yes, I‛ll come out every weekend.‟

Toby hoped not, but he was keeping his mouth shut. Some time to get to know each other again wasn‛t asking all that much. He glanced at Chris and smiled. Chris smiled back, and that was the end of it. He was staying. Toby stowed the racing chair in the garage while Johnny got out the duffle bag that they‛d brought - just in case.

‟I‛ll come back tomorrow with everything that Chris will need,‟ Johnny said. ‟He can shower in his wheelchair tonight.‟

‟I‛ll just stick the weight bench in there.‟ Toby picked it up. ‟I wouldn‛t want Chris‛s wheels to rust.‟

Chris caught up with him and pointed towards the deck. Johnny smiled. ‟Shower, jacuzzi, and then a massage. Toby can cook dinner.‟

‟Cook?‟ Toby knew he‛d miss some small detail. He was in trouble. ‟I‛ll go see what‛s in the fridge.‟ There had to be something. He dropped off the weight bench and stayed close to see exactly how much help Chris would need getting in the shower. It turned out to be none.

‟This shower is perfect. Big and flat to the floor.‟ Johnny went over to the closet. ‟All of this has to come down about a foot.‟

‟Okay,‟ Toby agreed, but he‛d ask Chris. ‟Is the kitchen okay?‟

‟Not really, but Chris will tell you where to put things. Your fridge has water on the door. That‛s important. He can‛t reach the faucet. Well, he can, but he can‛t stand very long.‟

Toby glanced over at the steam coming out of the shower. ‟Do I need to worry about medications or anything for his head?‟

‟Not really. He takes a multivitamin, and Tylenol for headaches, which he has often. Marsha will be out to check on him every two weeks. If he falls, call her immediately. He can‛t land softly.‟

Guilt shoved its way through Toby. ‟I hurt him that day in front of the building.‟

‟You did. His back was fucking awful.‟ Johnny glared. ‟If anything happens while training, call us. Don‛t hesitate.‟

‟I won‛t. You have my word. I think we can do this.‟ Toby hoped so. He wanted it. ‟You can stay as often as you want. There are four bedrooms upstairs and a guest cottage out back.‟

‟I‛ll probably stay on weekends to make sure his regimen is working and that he‛s not overstressing his muscles. Six steps. He has six small steps. Don‛t let him fool you.‟

Toby wasn‛t going to argue. Johnny was the expert. Chris shut off the water, and Johnny went to help. Toby slid out the door and went to check the fridge for food. He was going to have to hire a housekeeper. That was obvious. He couldn‛t chase Chris all day and cook meals. There wasn‛t a restaurant for fifty miles. This was the boonies, and they liked it that way.

There was nothing to eat, and Toby went back to the bedroom. ‟Oh, one more thing - Chris, can you swim? This house is on a lake. There‛s a dock close.‟

Chris grinned. That was a yes. Johnny was rubbing Chris‛s shoulders. ‟Chris is a great swimmer. I‛ll work it into the schedule.‟

‟Okay. Good. I‛m going to the grocery store.‟ Toby found his keys and got moving. He told himself twice not to be too happy, but he was grinning. Sister Pete would be frowning. She‛d been right. He was falling all over again, and he liked it.

********* 

Chris didn‛t want Johnny to leave, but Johnny had a funny look on his face. Chris asked him why when Toby went to piss.

‟I‛ll be back tomorrow, and we‛ll design your workout.‟ Johnny smiled. He stepped close, leaned over, and whispered, ‟I know you want to get laid.‟

Chris felt that heaviness in his groin. He sure as hell did. Johnny patted him on the shoulder. ‟Don‛t worry. You‛re not getting rid of me, but you can really train here, and that‛s what you want, right?‟

Chris did want it. He wanted to win a big race and pay Johnny back. ‟Es.‟

‟A word. I‛ll be damned.‟ Johnny laughed. ‟Don‛t worry about money. I‛ll make sure that Toby has plenty.‟

Chris hadn‛t even thought of that. He told the truth about Toby, so Johnny would know.

‟Yeah, he‛s rich, but you ain‛t no charity case.‟ Johnny leaned up. ‟Have fun. I‛ll see you tomorrow.‟

Chris put out his hand, and Johnny gave him some skin. He could do this. He wasn‛t scared. Fuck no. Toby was more than a friend. Chris wasn‛t sure how he knew that, but he did. It echoed in his gut.

‟Leaving?‟ Toby asked as he came in the room. ‟It‛s about two hours back to the city.‟

‟Yep.‟ Johnny dug out his keys. ‟Chris, don‛t take any shit off him.‟

Toby put his hands on his hips. ‟When tomorrow?‟

‟When I‛m here, I‛ll be here.‟ Johnny put out his hand, and Chris slapped it again. Chris watched him leave before turning his chair to face Toby.

‟I know you love him,‟ Toby said.

Chris shrugged. He did, but it was different from Toby. He didn‛t get it. His brain couldn‛t make sense of it, but it was true. He rolled around the house again to get the feel of it. This place was nice - no carpet - and he would get along fine.

‟Want to go down to the dock?‟ Toby shut off the TV. ‟The path is wide.‟

Chris was curious to see it. He headed out the doors that led to the deck. There was a ramp, and it didn‛t look new. Toby caught up fast and walked behind him. The moon was up, and Chris could see easily. He went faster and pulled to a quick stop when he had to cross a small bridge that led to the dock.

‟Is your chair too big?‟ Toby asked, looking down at the water.

Chris looked twice and then eased across. The water was beautiful. Quiet. He locked his wheels, and Toby put a deck chair down next to him.

‟Nice, huh?‟

Chris reached and took Toby by the hand. Toby sighed softly. ‟I sure as fuck never thought we‛d get here.‟

Chris could see that. He‛d never thought that he‛d get out of prison.

‟Is it okay if I love you?‟ Toby sounded strange. ‟We don‛t really know each other yet.‟

Chris made the signs that told how he felt.

‟You do? Why?‟ Toby moved close and kissed him.

Chris pointed to his heart. He just knew it was right. He did want to get fucked, but it had nothing to do with how he felt. Being with Toby was right. It was good. It was love.

‟I feel the same. I thought I hated you, but I didn‛t. And now, you‛re different, but the same, and I still love you.‟ Toby sighed. ‟Some times I wish that I didn‛t remember prison.‟

Chris was sure it had sucked, and he was sure he‛d done terrible things. Maybe Toby had too. Off in the distance, a fish jumped, and they both looked. Chris was glad he was here. He‛d get ready for the race and maybe, if he were lucky, he could learn a few things. They‛d have time.

********

Toby didn‛t need to help Chris to bed, and it felt awkward, but he went with him anyway. Chris pushed himself until he was standing, grabbed Toby, and fell on the bed. Toby laughed and didn‛t fight when Chris tugged at Toby‛s clothes.

‟In a hurry, huh?‟ Toby pulled his shirt off. He‛d been ready for this for days. ‟More?‟

Chris put his fingers in his mouth and whistled.

Toby nearly jumped in astonishment. That was loud - very loud. ‟Hey, do that if you ever need me, okay? I‛ll come running.‟

Chris smiled. Toby shoved off his shoes. ‟How much help do you want getting out of those clothes?‟ He knew it was time to stop talking when Chris took him by the face and kissed him until there wasn‛t enough air in the room to fill his lungs. Clothes were discarded, and Toby thought he might pass out from lust when he lay his bare body on top of Chris‛s. They‛d always fit together, and they still did, and he couldn‛t stop staring at him.

Chris kissed him and then made a twisting motion with his hands. Toby scrambled to turn around. Catching Chris‛s cock with his mouth, Toby nearly came when his own cock was sucked deep. Toby tried to do something, but he came so hard that he nearly fell on Chris‛s head. It blew out of him and he shook from it. Toby slowly eased up, turned again, and slid down to suck Chris the right way. Chris slid a hand through Toby‛s hair and Toby flashed back and then forward with a jolt. He used his hands and mouth to make it feel very good, and he smiled with satisfaction when Chris let out a terrible noise and came. Chris trembled and pulled him up by the hair for a long kiss. Toby fit them together and kissed him until he had to turn his face to gasp for air.

‟Damn,‟ Toby whispered. ‟Some shit doesn‛t change.‟

Chris pushed his hips up into him. ‟Obe.‟

Toby kissed Chris‛s throat. ‟Should I call Marsha?‟

Chris growled and gripped Toby‛s ass hard.

‟Later, then.‟ Toby loved him so much right now. ‟That was the best word yet. More?‟

Chris ground them together. Toby took that for a yes.

********

‟There?‟ Toby asked before moving everything.

Chris wanted to help, and he held out his hand. Toby gave the dishes to him one or two at a time, and it went quickly. Chris didn‛t need much. He was an expert at raiding the dishwasher, and he‛d surprised Toby by loading it.

"Enough?"

Chris signed yes. He reached and pinched Toby on the ass, smiling when he protested and slapped. They hadn‛t made it out of the house yet today, but Chris didn‛t care. He wanted to pull Toby back to the bed and start the night over.

‟Horny again?‟ Toby rolled his eyes. ‟How much you got in those big nuts of yours?‟

Rubbing himself, Chris grinned. His shorts were tight. Toby groaned. ‟Well, you are the guest.‟ He pointed at the big, open living room. ‟Get your ass on the sofa, and I‛ll see what I can do about those shorts.‟

Not long after, he was sitting on the sofa with his shorts down and Toby‛s head in his lap. Toby had a great tongue, and he used his hands, not just his mouth, but his mouth - wow - it was so good. Chris touched all the parts of Toby that were within reach, loving the feel of skin. Toby was so special. Chris gasped when Toby went deeper, harder. That was it. Shit. Chris came again, and he leaned his head back to groan.

Toby kissed up him, and Chris caught him in a hard hug. ‟You‛re welcome,‟ Toby said and laughed softly. "All this before lunch."

Chris kissed him. Toby touched Chris‛s face gently. ‟Can I touch?‟

He hated his head - hated to be reminded that it was on his shoulders. He almost shoved Toby on the floor, but he couldn‛t. Biting his lip, he told him the truth.

‟Chris, you‛re not stupid, and you always thought you were shit. All you ever wanted was for someone to tell you that you were good enough and believe it.‟ Toby caught him by the chin. ‟You‛re worth everything. Anything I can do, I will. You‛re worth it.‟

Chris swallowed the knot in his throat. His eyes felt thick with tears that he wouldn‛t cry. He couldn‛t seem to nod. Toby reached, and Chris didn‛t block it. Toby‛s hand was gentle and he let out a soft sound. ‟I‛m sorry.‟

He clutched him tighter. ‟S‛oay.‟ Tears hit Chris‛s shoulder and he blinked his eyes to get rid of his own. He found Toby‛s lips and kissed him again, hoping they never talked about this again. It was over.

The doorbell rang.

‟Busted.‟ Toby crawled off him, and he scrambled to get his shorts on. He fumbled back to his chair, pulling his legs up one at a time. Toby waited at the door. ‟Ready?‟

Chris turned his wheelchair and went to the kitchen to find something to drink. His throat hurt and he had to think. Toby believed in him. Wasn‛t that worth something? He wasn‛t sure. He was stupid. No matter what Toby said.

‟Okay, Chris. Let‛s get started.‟ Johnny smiled. ‟Toby, if you can‛t shut up, leave the room.‟

‟Do you want to use the computer?‟

Johnny hefted the bag he was carrying. ‟Brought my laptop, but, yes. We need to look over the race on the internet. I‛ll also need a printer.‟

Chris drank his water. He needed one more second. Toby smiled at him. Chris told Johnny some things to tell Toby.

‟Chris says that he forgives you, and he‛ll do his best.‟ Johnny frowned. ‟Did you hurt him? Again?‟

Toby swiped his hair back. ‟Thanks, Chris. Johnny, I guess it‛s time to tell you: I‛m the reason Chris is in that wheelchair.‟

There was a blur of movement, but Chris caught Johnny‛s arm. Johnny was strong. Chris was stronger. Chris yanked him down and glared at him. They were not going to fight.

‟He did it? I am gonna kill him!‟

Toby left the room. Chris didn‛t turn Johnny loose. They had to talk now, and he had to make it clear that he wasn‛t leaving, and he loved Toby. That was all that mattered.

**********

Toby went out on the deck and clasped his shaking hands together. Chris had forgiven him. It meant so much. He sat down on a deck chair and wiped his eyes again. He‛d forgiven Chris for the parole screw up a long time ago. And Chris had suffered. God, he‛d suffered, and he would always hurt. Toby caught a sob before it fought its way out. His year and a half at Rikers was nothing in comparison. Hell, there was no comparison.

‟Okay, well, this is all a bunch of bullshit,‟ Johnny snapped. Chris was right behind him.

Toby could only nod. ‟It was a fucked up deal.‟ He looked at Chris, not Johnny. ‟You had me arrested, and I was sent back to Oz. I was very angry. We argued. You went over the rail. I spent the next year and a half at Rikers.‟

‟Well, good!‟ Johnny glared. ‟You said that you were friends!‟

‟We were, sometimes, and I hope we are now.‟ Toby didn‛t want to explain further. ‟You don‛t know the man that Chris was.‟

Chris looked at Johnny and said a few things. Toby thought he got it. Chris was backing him up. Johnny finally said, ‟I sure as hell better not find out that you were the one who shot him!‟

‟Uh, no.‟ Toby flushed. He considered it for a long moment, but Chris deserved to know the truth. ‟I shanked him in the back - twice.‟

Chris rolled over to him. The question was obvious, and Toby reluctantly told the rest of it. ‟You broke my arms - both of them. I was ... a little upset with you.‟

Chris rubbed his forehead.

‟Obviously, this relationship is fucked beyond the understanding of mortal man.‟ Johnny‛s eyes were huge. ‟I‛m going to start on this. Chris, go do some roadwork. Take him. Run him down. That‛s my advice.‟

Toby went to his knees and thumped his head in to Chris‛s lap. Chris put his hands on him and rubbed. It was a comfort to know that Chris wasn‛t angry, or at least he didn‛t seem angry. They sat that way until Toby lost feeling in his legs. He looked up. ‟Do you think he‛s right?‟

Chris shrugged and pointed at the road. Toby took that answer at face value. Johnny was right about one thing - they were fucked up, but they were in a better place now. It was time to look forward. Toby got to his feet.

‟Let‛s hit the road.‟

**********

‟I‛ll be in the computer room, if you need anything,‟ Toby said and kissed him. Chris was good with that. He rolled out onto the deck and then down towards the lake. It was a little cool, but he was fine, and he went across the bridge carefully. Locking his wheels, he stared out at the water and tried to remember. Toby had shanked him. He should remember that! But there was nothing, and he was glad he couldn‛t remember breaking Toby‛s arms - both of them.

Chris swallowed hard. He‛d been a bad man. The marks of it were all over his body. He‛d forgiven Toby. It was easy as breathing, but had Toby forgiven him? They‛d spent the day together, and it had been a good day. The sun was down, and Johnny had left about an hour ago. Tomorrow, Chris had to start working out hard. Johnny had said so. Toby promised to help. He‛d promised. Chris took a deep breath. It was hard to trust anyone but Johnny or Marsha.

‟Chris!‟

Chris couldn‛t yell out. He tried to think, and it came to him. He whistled as loud as he could. Toby came down the trail and out onto the dock. ‟It is a nice night.‟

It was easy to expect Toby to fuss at him for coming down here. Johnny would have, but Toby just stuck his hands in his pockets and looked at the water. Chris wanted to ask him, but didn‛t know how.

‟I think my ass is sore from bike riding.‟ Toby stretched. ‟Legs too.‟

Chris smiled. It had been fun, even if they had nearly crashed once when Toby hadn‛t paid attention. Toby glanced at him. ‟You look worried. What‛s wrong?‟

Chris told him why and hoped for the best. He had to know. He had to feel it. Toby made a funny face and asked him to do them slower. Chris did them slowly. He needed fucking words, but this would have to be enough.

‟I forgive you. I forgave you for the arm thing years ago. You didn‛t have much of a choice. Schillinger would have killed you.‟ Toby smiled and kissed him. ‟Of course I forgive you.‟

Toby held him close when he stood, and the world seemed like a better place to live. Chris didn‛t know what a Sch-something was, and he didn‛t care. He stayed on his feet as long as he could before sinking back down.

‟I bet this is hard for you, being away from Johnny.‟ Toby pulled a chair close and sat down. ‟I want you to know that I like him, even if we do argue all the time. He‛s a good man, and I‛m very glad that he‛s your friend.‟

Chris slid his hand over Toby‛s and held on tight. Those were good words, and it was a relief.

‟Tomorrow, there‛s a woman named Janet coming to cook and clean for us. We can follow Johnny‛s plan to get you in shape and not worry about food.‟

Chris hoped she was nice-looking. Not that he‛d touch. He didn‛t think Toby would like it. Toby had also said that his kids were coming to live with them. Chris made the sign for children.

‟I asked them to give us another day. They want to meet you.‟ Toby kissed him gently. ‟I have to tell you - my mother is angry with me.‟

She was angry because of Chris. Chris knew it. Toby said slowly, ‟She knew we were lovers in prison, and it never set well. She‛s been pushing for me to remarry since I got out.‟ He groaned and kissed Chris‛s hand. ‟What can I say to her?‟

Chris didn‛t know. He wasn‛t sure about being thrown into Toby‛s family. They would hate him, and they would know he was stupid. Toby was clueless when it came to that. Chris rubbed his hand back to feel his head. He could leave. Johnny had said so.

‟Could you try to stick with me?‟ Toby sounded scared too, and that made Chris feel better. Maybe they could do it together.

*********

‟How‛s Chris doing?‟

Toby looked over at him, sprawled, asleep on the bed. ‟He‛s fine. We did your workout today, and he‛s tired.‟

‟Good.‟ Johnny paused. ‟You gave him a massage?‟

‟Like you showed me.‟ Toby smiled. It had led to other things. ‟You‛re sure it‛s not too much?‟

‟Follow it exactly. He‛ll be in top shape by Philadelphia, and he‛ll need every muscle he can get.‟

‟Will do. I hired a housekeeper to cook for us. Are there special foods you want him to eat?‟ Toby had meant to ask that the other day, but he‛d been distracted by too much talk about shanks.

Johnny‛s voice was dim. ‟Marsha! Should we put Chris on a food regimen also?‟

Marsha took the phone. ‟Hey, Toby. Yes. I‛ve wanted to do that for ages, but Johnny refused. I‛ll email it to you. He‛s not too tired?‟

‟He was tired, but not overly.‟

‟Did he demand a blowjob?‟ Marsha giggled.

Toby rubbed his face. ‟I‛m not answering that. Are you two coming this weekend?‟

‟Yep,‟ Marsha said quickly. ‟My homeboy better be fine, or you‛re getting an ass whupping.‟

‟I‛ll remember that. Bye. Thanks for calling.‟ Toby hung up the phone and put it on the side table. He still didn‛t know what to think about Marsha. Johnny was easier to understand, but she was serious doctor mixed with a wicked sense of humor and a tongue that liked to slice him to pieces. Toby set the alarm and crawled under the covers next to Chris. Tomorrow was going to be another busy day.

*********

Chris felt the weight when Harry jumped on the back, and they sped down the driveway and out into the road. Toby was yelling something, but Chris didn‛t listen. He was careful, and Harry was trying to fly off the back. Chris hadn‛t expected to like Toby‛s kids, but they were nice, and they didn‛t make fun of him.

‟Faster!‟

Chris made them go that much faster, but when they started up the first hill, he let it slow them down. By the top, they were mostly stopped. He looked for cars, crossed, and made sure Harry was hanging on. They raced down the hill and back into the driveway. Harry was laughing when he jumped off.

Chris held out his hand, and Harry slapped it. Toby rolled his eyes. ‟You two scared the shit out of me!‟

‟Dad!‟ Harry laughed. ‟Grandma says no cursing.‟

Chris was glad that the old bitch couldn‛t hear what he was thinking when she was around. She never spent the night - that was a good thing. He swatted Toby‛s ass and went to get something to drink. The housekeeper, Janet, wasn‛t pretty, but she could cook, and that counted for a lot.

‟Hey, Chris!‟

Chris signed Holly‛s name to say hello. She was picking it up fast. They‛d be talking soon. She‛d demanded lessons, and he didn‛t mind. Once or twice, he hadn‛t known the sign for something, and she‛d looked it up on the computer. They‛d both learned something then.

‟Chris, Dad said last night that you can‛t read or write, is that true?‟ Holly followed after him to the kitchen.

Chris found some water in the fridge before signing to her that it was true. He prepared himself for her telling him how stupid he was.

‟Do my name again,‟ she demanded. Chris spelled it out. She tilted her head. ‟Chris, you spelled it. H-o-l-l-y. You still know your letters. Do the alphabet.‟

Chris opened his water, locked his wheels, and took a long drink. He put it in his drink holder and then did them. They were easy. By now, Toby was fumbling around in the fridge.

‟What are you pestering Chris about, Holly?‟

‟Dad, Chris knows his letters in sign language. Don‛t you see?‟ Holly ran out of the room.

Toby looked over at him. ‟What the hell is that all about?‟

Chris shrugged. He was the stupid one. She came back with a magic marker and a piece of paper. Quickly, she drew on it and held it up. ‟Chris, this is an A.‟ She made the sign.

Chris stared and then made the sign for it. It didn‛t look familiar, but he believed her. She was smart, like her dad.

‟Dad, he can learn them in reverse, sorta.‟ Holly furrowed her brow, and it was cute on her. ‟He didn‛t lose the letters, just what they look like when they‛re written. He knows them by their sign now.‟

‟I‛ll be damned!‟ Toby laughed. ‟She‛s right. I should have seen it. Teach him his name, Holly, so he can sign that big check he‛s going to win in Philadelphia.‟

Chris smiled. He hoped so. She grinned. ‟We can use the computer. The only question is whether you can remember them.‟

Toby spoke up. ‟He did fine with sign language. Chris, you want to try?‟

Chris was glad they‛d finally gotten around to asking him. It might be hard. His head might be too fucked up. Holly smiled at him. Damn. He slowly made the sign for yes. He‛d try, if they could find time between all the other shit they had to do.

Toby grinned. ‟I‛m staying out of it. Chris, are you ready for your roadwork?‟

Chris stretched and faked a yawn. He was ready. They lifted weights in the morning and worked the road after lunch. In the evening, he took a long swim. His sore muscles were gone. Now, he was tearing it up, and it felt good.

Holly smiled. ‟I‛ll tell Harry!‟ She left quickly, and Chris smiled after her.

Toby stole a kiss. ‟Love you.‟

Chris pulled him down into his lap. ‟Ov u.‟ He kissed him hard. Toby seemed stunned at the new words. Chris pushed him on the floor, just for fun. Toby got up with a laugh. ‟I‛m calling Marsha!‟ Chris unlocked his wheels and chased him to the garage.

*********

Toby strained to see. The crowd was screaming, drowning out the announcer. It was going to be close. Chris was up near the front, but that was all they knew. Johnny yelled, ‟Here they come!‟

Marsha grabbed Toby and squeezed. ‟If he wrecks, I‛ll kill him!‟

Toby saw them now. Chris had his head down, fighting for every inch. It had rained, making the road slick, and there had been more than one wipeout. Toby had thought he might throw up once or twice. The racers flashed in front of them, and Toby turned to look at the portable numbers board. There was a pause, and everyone started yelling.

‟That son-of-a-bitch,‟ Toby said and found something to lean against. He rubbed his face and hoped he was smiling. Johnny and Marsha were still hopping up and down. The announcer blabbed about times, and Johnny took off to be with Chris. Toby rubbed his chest, glad it was over.

Marsha smiled. ‟He did it. He did it!‟

‟That last wreck was close.‟ Toby had nearly passed out. He loved Chris. Watching him do this stupid sport was hard.

‟Tell us, Chris, when did you become interesting in racing?‟ the announcer asked in a big voice.

Toby waited for it. Johnny‛s voice came over the mike. ‟The day he ran over his physical therapist - me - in the hallway of the hospital.‟

Everyone laughed, even Toby. Marsha grinned. ‟That‛s true. Chris was a speed demon at the hospital. We all watched out for him after that!‟

‟Congratulations!‟ The crowd cheered, and Toby knew he was breathing again. When Chris rolled up, Toby made sure there was water for him. Chris flashed him that beautiful smile.

Johnny hugged Marsha again. ‟He showed those New Englanders!‟

‟Damn right. New York is the place!‟ Marsha nudged Toby back. ‟Let me check him.‟

Toby knew Chris was exhausted, and it was a good thing they‛d put in a place to lie down in the back of the van. Chris would need to stretch out his legs. Toby kept his hand on Chris‛s shoulder. ‟Good job. I nearly vomited.‟

Chris spread his hands and signed fast. He‛d won by a tire‛s length. Toby blew out all the air he‛d held during the race. He did his best to help, and for once, Johnny let him. When Chris was resting in the van, Johnny patted Toby on the shoulder.

‟Chris did great. You looked like you might puke!‟

Toby rubbed his forehead. ‟It‛s a dangerous sport.‟

‟No one was hurt today.‟

‟Not everyone has a head injury like Chris.‟ Toby worried about it. He couldn‛t lose Chris again.

Johnny frowned. ‟He has a special helmet. Didn‛t Marsha tell you?‟

‟No!‟ Toby wanted to punch him for leaving out pertinent information.

‟It was designed for him. I spent the big bucks on it. Head injuries aren‛t something you can‛t fool around with,‟ Johnny said patiently. ‟We also taught Chris the proper way to fall so he doesn‛t hit his head.‟

Toby hugged him. ‟Damn. It‛s hard to dislike you right now.‟

‟Well, okay, but let go of me.‟ Johnny brushed him off. ‟Save it for Chris. Let‛s head for the hotel. He‛ll need to rest before we go home.‟

Toby got in the back and sat near him. ‟Chris, how do you feel?‟

Chris signed that he was fine but tired. Toby had never heard him admit that, so it must have been a hard race. Johnny got the van moving, and Marsha spoke up. ‟Toby, start rubbing his legs.‟

Toby knew how to do it right. He watched Chris breathe and drink. ‟I‛m proud of you, Chris,‟ Toby said softly. 

Chris raised his eyebrows and asked him a question. Toby laughed. ‟Yeah. We‛ll have sex at the hotel.‟

********

Chris pulled Toby tight against him and thrust and thrust again. Toby groaned and slid down to suck him. Chris leaned up enough to watch. Toby knew his way around a dick. His tongue made Chris want to shout.

"Can you spread your legs a little more?" Toby asked softly.

Chris tried and hoped it was enough. Toby sucked him again, and Chris hissed with surprise when he felt a finger on his asshole. It felt pretty good. He trusted Toby not to hurt him.

"Have you forgotten this?" Toby sounded pleased, not angry. Chris tugged Toby‛s hair to get on with it. Toby smiled and slid his tongue down Chris‛s cock. "Relax. It feels great."

Chris pushed his hips up, and Toby licked him on the balls and lower. Toby moved Chris‛s legs that much more, and Chris couldn‛t seem to take a deep breath. He clutched the bedsheets and felt his pulse pound in his head. Toby began to suck Chris‛s cock again, but he left his finger where it had been. Chris grunted and cursed, not caring if the sounds make no sense. He couldn‛t be quiet.

"Yeah, tell me that you love it."

Chris arched his back and came. Toby laughed and began to lick it off. Chris trembled. He couldn‛t believe he‛d forgotten that. His head stopped spinning, and he was kissing Toby.

"I love it when you scream." Toby gently pulled his finger out. Chris grabbed him to hold him close and shut his eyes. Here, in bed, there was no room for shame. He could be exactly who he was, and Toby loved him.

Chris felt Toby squirm but didn‛t turn him loose. Toby finally relaxed down on to him. "Fine. We‛ll lie in our come. We‛ve done it before."

"Es," Chris croaked. He laughed and let the sleepiness win.

*********

"Dad!"

Toby held Holly close and kissed her. "Not too loud. Chris is still asleep."

Harry hugged him from the other side. "He sleeps a lot."

"Marsha says it‛s because of the workouts. Chris is building muscle while he sleeps." Toby had worried that it was Chris‛s head, but she had assured him otherwise. It had been a relief. "Holly, are you well?"

She wiggled to get away. "We missed the race!"

"I got a tape of it for you." Toby smiled. They‛d been angry, but she‛d been sick, and it wouldn‛t have been fair to take only Harry. "I missed you guys."

"Tobias, when does your housekeeper arrive for the day?"

Toby ruffled Harry‛s dark hair. "Hello, Mother. It‛s good to see you." He pecked her on the cheek. "Janet is here. She‛s in the kitchen making breakfast. Holly, make sure she knows how many."

Holly and Harry dashed off. Victoria was scanning the room. "I‛ll be staying in the guest cottage. Be a dear and get my things."

"Of course." Toby was relieved that it was the guest cottage. She‛d been bound to sleep over sooner or later. He did wish she‛d have told him. "And Angus?"

"He and Angie will be here directly." She walked with him to the Benz as he retrieved her luggage. "He is here, I assume."

"Chris is still in bed." Toby started for the cottage. It was down a short path, and she was right with him. He didn‛t like her tone, but starting a fight wasn‛t the way to handle her."Mother, how many people are coming to stay?"

"The house will be full, and Angie will be staying here with me." Victoria had a key and opened the cottage. "I‛ll speak to Janet over breakfast. Tobias, you will not shame me by sleeping in the master suite."

Toby noticed that it wasn‛t a question. He put the luggage on her bed. "I have always been discreet." It was Chris that was bold, and Toby loved that about him. "Glad you‛re here."

She smiled, and Toby could only wonder what she had in store for him this weekend. Wait. "How long will you be staying?"

"Long enough." She breezed out of the room, and Toby trailed her back to the house. He felt almost helpless, and he didn‛t like it. She was going to try to force him to face her truth - that it was time for him to find a wife. He kicked a rock off the path and slid his hand through his hair.

Chris still wasn‛t up when Toby got back in the house, and he went to check on him. Toby heard the shower and headed to the bathroom. "Chris, my mother is here, so don‛t come out naked."

Chris groaned. Toby was sure of it, and he couldn‛t help but agree. He went back to the kitchen and sat with his kids at the table. "Chris is in the shower. He‛ll be out soon."

Harry and Holly exchanged a fast smile. "We like him. A lot. We wanted you to know."

Toby nodded slowly, unsure if there was a deeper meaning here. "I‛m glad. Chris is a good guy."

"He is." Holly nodded. "We can work on letters again." She seemed pleased at the idea.

"And I want to go biking." Harry grinned. "And swimming and play video games."

"What about me?" He purposely tinged his voice with outrage. "Am I just your old dad?"

They looked slightly guilty, so he laughed to let them know he was teasing. They joined him after a moment. Victoria sat down across from him, and they all sat up a little straighter. Toby was glad when Chris came to join them. Chris looked half the way to surly, but Toby saw Chris‛s eyes light up when Holly and Harry gave him a hug.

Janet began serving the food, and Toby was relieved to see her still smiling. If his mother made Janet mad, they were all in trouble.

"Tell us about the race, Chris," Holly said.

There was the flicker of a frown that passed over his mother‛s face. She wanted to ignore Chris and hope that he would go away. Toby saw the genuine regard that his children had for Chris. It made him proud of them, and he wasn‛t quite so afraid. He picked up his coffee and tried to get the lump out of his throat. She couldn‛t stay forever.

*********

Chris and Holly went out on the deck for their lesson. The living room was full of assholes, and he‛d had enough.

"You okay, Chris?"

He told her yes. It was a lie. He was angry and ready to throw something. He‛d known this wasn‛t his place, but he‛d thought it was Toby‛s. Who the hell were all these people, and why were they staring at him like he was a freak? Sure, he was a freak, but it was damn rude.

"Grandma is putting on one of her famous parties." Holly sighed. "There are never any kids."

Chris was glad they weren‛t making them - bunch of pricks. He asked where Toby was. Toby had disappeared, and it made Chris want to hide also. The only reason he hadn‛t was Holly.

"Grandma sent him to pick up some friends in the SUV." She opened the big picture book that she had and crossed her legs. "Are Johnny or Marsha coming over this weekend?"

Chris hoped not. He‛d like to see them, but there were enough people here already. He told her that he didn‛t know. Holly frowned. "You want to call him?" He explained that he didn‛t know the number. Holly answered by going to get the phone. She pushed a few buttons and said, "See that word?"

He wasn‛t sure, but he thought he recognized the first letter. He made the name sign for Johnny. She smiled. "Good job. That‛s a J. Dad put Johnny‛s number in the memory. Push that and you‛ll get him."

Chris pushed it. He was slightly amazed that it made him feel good - almost smart.

"Toby, I ain‛t in the mood," Johnny said. Chris whistled into the phone. Holly giggled. Johnny cursed at him, "Chris, you fucker!"

Holly covered her mouth. Chris had no idea what to do now. He had so few words. Johnny asked, "You okay?"

"Es," Chris said with a hard swallow. He almost handed Holly the phone but Johnny‛s next words stopped him.

"Is it okay if Marsha and I come out for dinner but not stay over?" Johnny groaned. "We both have to work tomorrow."

Chris nearly said no, but he quickly asked Holly if it were okay. She smiled. "Sure. It‛s going to be a buffet - there will be tons of food."

"Es," Chris managed one more time.

"Cool. We‛ll be out after six." Johnny paused. "Thanks for calling."

He whistled one more time, and Johnny hung up fast. Holly gently took the phone. "Want to call my dad?"

Chris did. He carefully watched which buttons she pushed. Toby picked up immediately, "Hello?"

Chris whistled softly. He didn‛t want to hurt Toby‛s ears.

"I‛m about ten minutes away, and then I‛m kissing you."

Chris smiled. That‛s what he wanted to hear. "Ov u." His best words, and he saw Holly‛s eyes widen. Hadn‛t she known? Toby said bye and hung up. Chris gave her the phone and asked her if she was okay.

"You love him? Really?" Holly didn‛t look mad.

Chris shrugged. He did but bragging about it made him nervous. Tapping the book, he rolled a tiny bit closer. She smiled. "Yeah. We don‛t have much time today."

They worked at it until Toby came out on the deck. Holly got up to hug her dad, and Toby said, "Holly, your grandmother wants to talk to you."

Holly laughed and dashed off. Chris shut the book and demanded his kiss. Toby gave it to him, and he didn‛t hold back.

"Love you, Chris." Toby sat down next to him. "Sorry about all this." Chris told him about Johnny and Marsha. Toby shrugged as if to say what the hell. "I don‛t know half the people here."

The party suddenly pushed its way onto the deck, and Angus pointed at the grill. "Toby, you have to help me with all this!"

Chris had met Angus earlier. Angus was tall and blond and totally boring. He was like white bread with nothing on it. Toby was sexy as hell. Angus was ... not, but Chris liked him okay. Toby got to his feet.

"Chris, would you like a beer or something?"

Chris told him no, but a coke was fine. Toby smiled. "You‛re so on your own, brother."

Angus looked at Chris. "I don‛t suppose, uh, you?"

Johnny and Chris grilled out once a week, but this grill was huge. Chris hated to burn his dick off. He did roll over and turn on the propane. Angus handed him a spatula. "You‛re officially in charge."

Toby came back out. "Doesn‛t Mother usually hire a chef?"

"She thought this would be more casual." Angus didn‛t sound convinced. "You two tell me when to bring out the food."

Chris locked his wheels and stood long enough to memorize the buttons.

"I thought-" Angus stopped talking, staring.

Ignoring it, Chris sat down hard and reached to turn it all on hot. After it warmed up, he‛d turn it down.

"Chris can stand and walk a few steps," Toby said. "He doesn‛t like to brag."

Chris smacked him with the spatula. Toby laughed and tried to grab it, but Chris spun his wheels right over Toby‛s foot. "You asshole!"

"I think I‛ll sit and watch him beat you up." Angus laughed. Chris tossed Toby the spatula and smiled.

Toby grinned. "You-"

"Tobias!"

"Oops," Toby muttered. Chris didn‛t look her right in the eye. He never did. They pretended the other wasn‛t alive. It worked. Toby gave Chris a soda. "Should I get the fire extinguisher?"

Chris didn‛t know what that was, but he wasn‛t worried. He took the spatula back and flipped it. 

"I‛ll get the food," Angus said.

Toby limped over to a chair. Chris rolled after him and signed that he was sorry, but the quick grin let him know that Toby was faking it for kisses.

"Tobias, there‛s someone I want you to meet," Victoria said, practically pushing Chris backwards.

Chris went to the grill to get out of her way. Avoiding her wasn‛t easy, even in a house this big. He lowered the heat and waited for Angus to bring the food. Victoria was making sure that Toby got an eyeful of the brunette in red heels. Chris wanted to run her over, but this was a party, and Johnny had said to be polite at parties. The bitch was practically purring and rubbing up against Toby.

"Ready?" Angus asked.

Chris made him put the meat on - there was a lot it - but he stood long enough to make sure everything was where he wanted it. Toby was there when Chris shut the lid and sat down .

"Please don‛t burn your face off," Toby said softly. Chris wanted to pull him into his lap and force Victoria to see the truth. Toby‛s eyes twinkled. "It‛s okay."

Holly came up fast. "Johnny and Marsha are here!"

Toby went with her back inside the house. Chris stayed with the food, but he handed Johnny the spatula as soon as he got there.

"I have to work?" Johnny groaned.

Chris told him to shut up, and Toby laughed.

"There are small humans here," Marsha said. "Johnny, you didn‛t say anything about that."

Toby put his hands on his hips. "They‛re good kids. Leave them alone, and they won‛t bite you."

"This is why she‛s not a pediatrician." Johnny opened the grill, and Chris made sure everything was okay. He was starting to get hungry. Toby got drinks for another bunch of people, and Chris saw him hesitate and lick his lips when he handed the brunette bitch a glass of wine.

"Join me," she said, raising her glass.

Chris rolled to him, caught him by the hand and squeezed. Toby couldn‛t drink, and it didn‛t hurt to remind him. He glanced at Chris and said, "I don‛t drink, but thanks."

"Who‛s your handsome friend?" she asked, raising her glass to him.

"Chris Keller, meet Ashley Cabiati." Toby was smiling, but it didn‛t look real. Chris signed hello, but he didn‛t turn loose of Toby‛s hand. Toby belonged to him, and Victoria could get over it.

"Are you dating anyone, Tobias?"

Chris couldn‛t wait to hear this. Toby seemed to shrink a little, but he finally answered. "Yes, and I don‛t think he wants me to date girls."

Ashley smirked. "The handsome ones are always gay." She sipped her wine. Chris got this strange feeling in the pit of his guts, and it made him want to hit her. He turned Toby‛s hand loose and went back to the grill before he did something stupid.

"You look royally pissed," Johnny said quietly.

Chris wasn‛t even sure why. Maybe it was the sound of Toby‛s voice or her smirk, but he felt dirty, and he didn‛t like it one damn bit. Gay had never been a bad word until today. He didn‛t understand it, but she‛d been making fun of them by saying it, and he wanted to hurt her for the look on Toby‛s face.

"It was worth the drive for the appetizers." Marsha popped one in Chris‛s mouth. "If that doesn‛t cheer you up, nothing will."

Chris chewed. It was good. He flinched when Toby touched him on the shoulder. "I‛m sorry," Toby said softly.

"What‛d you do now, asshole?" Johnny asked.

Marsha laughed softly. "This is Toby‛s coming out party. It was bound to get ugly." She rolled her eyes. "Chris, he has a family. You have to consider how they feel about all of this. Getting angry doesn‛t solve anything."

Chris slapped Johnny‛s ass and pointed at the grill. Toby said, "My mother isn‛t ready to give up on me dating a girl." He didn‛t sound happy about it.

Chris took a deep breath and tried to push the anger away. He hated feeling like this. Marsha was right. Toby had a family. They were important also, and Chris was going to have to be nice or quit seeing Toby, and that wasn‛t happening. Chris told Toby that it was okay and to go away.

"Ouch," Toby muttered, but he went inside.

"Now, I don‛t like him much, but even if you two break up, I‛m not leaving until I have some of that steak." Marsha sipped her wine. "Chris, Toby had a wife, and his mom expects him to get another one. You should cut him some slack."

Chris wondered if he‛d had a wife, so he asked. Johnny laughed. "Just three, but one you married twice. We called them all. They‛re re-married and happy."

He quickly asked why they‛d been called, and it was Marsha who answered. "We were looking for someone to help you when you were released. They said no, but they were nice about it." Chris felt that all the way down to his balls. He had no family. Nothing. His wives hadn‛t given a damn, and he couldn‛t blame them.

"Chris, who‛re your friends?" Angus asked with a fake smile on his face. Chris awkwardly got through the introductions. He stared up at Toby‛s brother. Angus waved his hand. "Toby never introduces me to his friends."

"Not sure he has any." Johnny smirked.

Chris saw the love for Toby on Angus‛s face. Victoria loved him too, and his kids. Toby had people, and they might be angry that he loved a freak.

"Rikers was very hard on him. He was in lockdown for almost a year, they broke his arm, and we began to think he‛d never get out. And you? Chris Keller? We all thought you were dead." Angus‛s eyes were sharp now. "He defended you for putting him there even then, and I didn‛t understand it. Still not sure I do."

"Chris doesn‛t remember from before the accident." Marsha hit Johnny on the arm. "Check the food."

Chris suddenly understood. Toby‛s family had hated him for what he‛d done, and now he was living in their house. Toby had asked, and they‛d agreed. Chris signed that he was sorry and went to find Toby.

********

Toby‛s hand hovered over the whiskey bottle. He needed a drink. The world was too sharp today. Chris had known it and taken him by the hand. Chris expected him to stay sober and out of prison. Toby took a very deep breath. He could do it. He would do it. Thank God for Chris. Chris understood what his own family didn‛t, couldn‛t, wouldn‛t.

"Are you sure he‛s safe around the children?" His mother frowned in concern.

Toby nodded curtly. He didn‛t know whether Chris had been angry about being called gay or angry that Toby had hesitated so long before finding words. Chris expected Toby‛s love all the time. Toby didn‛t know how to tell him that it was hard to balance him and family.

"Obe?"

Toby wiped his hand on his jeans. He turned, expecting violence because that‛s what Chris did when he was angry. "Gonna hit me now?"

Chris came close. He swallowed like he did before he talked. "S‛aree."

Shame blew everything else away that Toby was feeling. He felt it creep up his neck and leave goose pimples on his arms. "Thank you," he whispered. He took Chris by the hand, and they went to the living room. Toby sat down in a chair and said, "It‛s hard, and I love you, and it‛s just, well, they don‛t. They don‛t trust you. My mother is certain that you‛re going to try to kill me. I don‛t know what to do or say to make it all easier." He put his head down and rubbed Chris‛s hand against his forehead. "I‛m sorry."

No answer. Not a croaked word or a touch, and Toby looked up. Chris talked with his hands, and Toby listened.

"Chris, I‛m not ashamed of you. You‛re a better man than I am." He felt the air shudder out of his body. "But there‛s no way to make them get it. They weren‛t there. They don‛t know how awful it was, and how much we loved each other. You‛ve forgotten it up there." He pointed at Chris‛s head. "But down here you remember."

Chris looked at his chest. He answered quickly, saying that it was true but Toby‛s family was more important than his freakish self. Toby wanted to cry at those words. Chris still didn‛t know how special he was.

"Chris! Dad! The food‛s ready!" Harry came roaring up, practically falling. Chris caught him, and he laughed. "Thank goodness for Chris. Okay, the food is ready!"

"We got it," Toby said dryly. "Go wash your hands."

Harry grinned at Chris. "I‛m glad you‛re my dad‛s friend." With that said, he raced off.

Toby leaned forward. "Chris, my kids like you, and they‛re more important than anyone else. Maybe we should take what we can get and leave the rest for another day."

Chris nodded firmly, but he had one more thing to say - stay away from the brunette bitch or I‛ll beat your ass.

"Don‛t think I didn‛t see you checking out the blonde in the green dress." Toby glared right back at him. "Behave, or I‛ll dump your ass in the driveway and back over you."

"Dad, um, that‛s not very nice," Holly said. Her cheeks were red. "You don‛t mean it, right?"

Chris laughed and told her to go wash her hands. Toby didn‛t have any solutions, but he felt better. He did make a mental note to make sure the kids weren‛t around when he was cursing.

Johnny and Angus brought in all the food, and Toby went with Chris to get some and help the kids with their plates. Toby made sure to sit by Chris, blithely ignoring his mother‛s look of death. She might not approve, but she would understand by the end of the evening. Chris never looked right at her. It was as if someone had drawn battle lines in the sand, and Toby was the prize.

"Thanks, Chris, for cooking," Toby said in a moment that was more quiet than others.

"Wait a minute!" Johnny protested, and the kids laughed. The conversation moved around and down the table. Victoria did her best to steer the talk towards marriage. Angie was the perfect accomplice, and Angus seemed more than clueless. Toby could see the writing on the wall - nothing like a late summer wedding. Chris tapped Toby on the leg and asked him to pass the chicken. Toby did so and caught a long look from Angus. What it meant was a mystery. They needed to have a talk, but he wasn‛t looking forward to it. Maybe they could skip it.

"Chris, when‛s your next race?"

Toby was very glad that Angus had asked Chris instead of someone else. Chris shrugged and told Johnny to tell him. Johnny outlined the details, but not before rolling his eyes.

"Think you can win?"

Chris smiled. That was answer enough. Toby had wondered more than once if Chris loved racing or winning.

Angus wasn‛t quite finished. "Do you have a sponsor? Is it a lucrative sport?"

Toby had never asked. He almost explained what lucrative meant, but he decided against it. Chris made one fast sign - no.

"When Chris started winning, we were approached several times by different corporations, but he refused to consider it," Johnny said.

"Why?" Angus asked. "Money can buy anything."

Chris took a big drink of soda, and Toby saw Angus give up on an answer. Holly was on Toby‛s other side, and she said very, very softly, "How can he value something he doesn‛t understand?"

Toby thought that was an astute question. Chris suddenly started talking with his hands, and he didn‛t seem to care that Angus couldn‛t get it. There was a moment of silence, Angus looked for Johnny, but he was back at the buffet. Toby wasn‛t going to do it. He hadn‛t understood the middle part anyway.

Holly‛s voice was firm. "Chris says that he doesn‛t like guys that wear suits and brag about money, and that he isn‛t going to wear some stupid shirt or paint his wheels so they can make more money." She took a breath. "It‛s about racing, feeling the wind and being free, and if he loses, he loses."

"So you donate the checks to your local charity?" Angus was being an ass now, and Toby wished Chris would punch him. Chris answered quickly and went back to eating.

"He said to ask Johnny." Holly shrugged. Toby had to get up and go to the bathroom. He needed one minute to compose himself. It was about being free. Free. There was no way that Angus could truly understand. Chris was out of prison, but he was still confined, and maybe that was God‛s way of punishing him for killing all those people.

Toby washed his face. He was truly free, but he‛d killed people also. How was God punishing him? He took a deep breath and steadied himself, but he knew his punishment. He could remember. Going back out to the table, he snagged Chris a piece of chocolate cake and kissed him on the forehead.

"Isn‛t this your favorite?" Toby wasn‛t going to dirty himself pretending that he didn‛t love Chris. He was fucking dirty enough. His mother would have to learn to live with it.

Chris winked up at him.

"Chris and I used to pray there‛d be chocolate cake in the cafeteria." Toby smiled at him. "There never was."

"I used to sneak him some when it was in the staff lounge at the hospital," Johnny said. Marsha whacked him, and Toby laughed.

"He was on a special diet!" Marsha grinned. "We did share a cookie now and again."

Chris said that he‛d be working it off tomorrow, and Toby hoped he could watch instead of pampering his mother. Everyone began to finish up, and Toby ended up back out on the deck with Chris, Johnny, Marsha, and the kids. Angus was with Angie and her friends.

"Toby, introduce me to the girl in the green dress," Johnny whispered. "She‛s hot."

"Sure." Toby had no idea who she was, but he could work around it. He was sure Johnny didn‛t have a chance. That done, he wandered back towards Chris, but he was gone. "Where‛d everyone go, Holly?"

"Down to the lake." Holly held his hand, and they went that way. Toby pulled up a chair by Chris and Marsha. Harry was playing at the water‛s edge, and Holly went to join him. Angus and Angie showed up a few minutes later.

Chris reached for Toby‛s hand, and Toby held him tight. Just because his mother and brother didn‛t like it, didn‛t make it a bad thing. Love was never the wrong choice.

"Nice night," Angus said when he joined them. "Toby, I think Mother is looking for you."

"Oh, really?" Toby didn‛t get up. He wasn‛t going to either. "Chris, you want to go skinny-dipping?"

Chris frowned.

"Naked swimming," Toby whispered and raised his eyebrows. Chris laughed and grinned.

"Mother will kill you."

"More reason to do it." Toby glanced at Marsha. "You in?"

"Hell, no." Marsha shook her head. "And the kids will want to join in and one of them might drown and I‛d have to give the little rugrat CPR, so, no. It‛s not a good idea."

"Was she always such fun sucker?" Toby asked Chris. Chris nodded glumly. Toby sighed. "Okay, we won‛t, Dr. Killjoy. Angus, you should loosen up a little."

Angus laughed. "I don‛t think so."

Chris suddenly turned and asked Angus a question. Toby translated, "He wants to know if that‛s your motorcycle in the garage."

"What motorcycle?"

"The blue one." Toby knew that Chris was still hot for a motorcycle, but Johnny was firmly against it. "The things with two wheels. If it‛s not yours, whose is it?"

Angus shrugged. "I have no idea."

"So rich you don‛t even know what‛s in your garage." Marsha stood. "I‛m going to go see if Johnny needs a shoulder to cry on." She left quickly without saying goodbye. The kids came running onto the deck, and Toby made them walk. They sat down to dangle their legs.

"Chris, some day. Not right now. Okay?" Toby saw the disappointment in Chris‛s eyes. It was all about the freedom. "Anyway, that‛s a bike for wimps. You‛ll want a big shiny Harley with black leather on the seat and an engine that shakes the house."

Chris‛s mouth dropped open slightly and he licked his lower lip. "Ez," he said so softly that Toby almost missed it. Toby‛s heart about broke in half. He wasn‛t sure what to say, and he was glad when Angie and Angus left. The kids raced after them, and he wanted Chris out of that fucking wheelchair for a moment. Toby moved around to stand in front of him.

"Hold me?"

Chris was there before the words stopping echoing off the water. Toby curled his face into Chris‛s neck and wanted to give him all the freedom in the world. Chris kissed him, and Toby felt him start to go down. He made sure that Chris landed on the chair, not the deck.

"We‛ll get there, Chris." Toby wiped his eyes. He had to kiss him again.

"Tobias!"

Toby groaned. "Chris, I wouldn‛t blame you if you left with Johnny and Marsha and refused to take my calls."

Chris glanced up at the house and shrugged. They went back to the party. Toby began to think his temper was on slow boil and before the night was over, he was going to explode. His mother kept pushing at him, and his brother was nice on the surface, but underneath lurked disdain. He‛d always thought that he was a patient man, but watching Chris be polite in the face of their rudeness made him want to shank someone.

Johnny and Marsha had gone back to the city hours ago, and it was after midnight, but no one seemed inclined to leave or go to bed. Holly and Harry were half-asleep on the sofa, and Toby herded them upstairs, all the while praying that everyone would be gone when he got back. Only Chris was missing. Toby saw the steely look on his mother‛s face.

"Chris went to bed?"

"He did," Angus said. He was sitting on the sofa with Angie. "Can you freshen my drink, Toby?"

Toby had the sudden mental image of a top blowing off a pot. "You‛re asking an alcoholic to get you more whiskey? Angus, are you an asshole or stupid?"

Angus went very pale and rushed to his feet. "Well, I,-"

Toby gave him the finger. "Never mind. I think I know after watching you bait Chris all night."

Victoria was suddenly there. "Boys, let‛s not argue in front of the guests."

"Tell me, Angus, did Chris pass your test?" Toby wasn‛t backing down now. "Or were you just trying to make him look stupid to fuel your own ego?"

"He was always white trash and a killer," Angus said softly. "Forgive me for wanting to know how much of it was knocked out of him."

"I won‛t." Toby pushed his finger against Angus‛s chest. "I could quiz Angie on her background, question her intelligence and motives, but I won‛t because you care for her. I respect you enough to respect your choice in a partner. You obviously think I‛m a fool. Oh, and I guess I should get you another scotch while I‛m up."

Angus‛s face went from mildly concerned to stony. "I‛m not your baby brother to lecture to any longer."

Toby rounded on his mother. "Ignore Chris. Ignore where I‛ve been. Hell, ignore who I am, but it‛s not going to change anything. I‛m sorry I‛ve disappointed you." He turned his back on them and went to the master suite. Chris was already stretched out, but he wasn‛t asleep. He was glancing through a magazine.

"Hey, sexy," Toby purred. He sat down next to him. Chris smiled and opened his arms. Toby sank onto him and breathed, "I love you."

Chris squeezed him. They kissed, and he whispered, "Sorry about them." He couldn‛t see Chris‛s hands, they were wrapped into him, but he did see Chris‛s exasperated face. "What?"

Chris pushed him away and told him that he was being an ass. Toby‛s jaw dropped. "What?"

They‛re your family. They love you. They see me for what I really am. Some stuff Toby didn‛t get and Go party. I gotta sleep. Chris kissed him again. I mean it.

Toby groaned and left him. Going back wasn‛t easy, but he fixed himself a club soda and tried to make nice. Chris was wrong though. They didn‛t see him for what he was - they saw what their prejudices demanded.

"Sorry about all that, Toby," Angus said.

Toby shrugged. He didn‛t want to fight any longer. "You never knew him, Angus. It‛s your loss if you don‛t get to know him now."

Angus smirked. "Will he break my arms?"

"He won‛t, but I might," Toby growled. "Chris saved my life when Schillinger shanked me. Prison was complicated, Angus. You can‛t pick out one incident and make up your mind, and anyway, Chris has been blessed by not remembering any of it."

"You‛re sure beyond a reasonable doubt?" Angus rattled his ice.

"Yes." Toby sipped his drink, pushing away the craving for whiskey. "I know it‛s hard to accept. Hell, I don‛t feel gay, but I ... love him. Fuck."

Angus blushed and looked away. Toby did the same. That was enough talk for one year. He changed the subject to safer ground. "Angie seems nice. When are you popping the question?"

"Soon." Angus bit his lower lip. He didn‛t look sure. He looked as if he wanted to run for his life. Toby decided not to mention it. Angus met Toby‛s eyes. "Mother will never accept him."

"I know." Toby finished his drink. He had to decide if he cared. "I guess I‛m on the couch tonight. Where are you sleeping?"

Angus looked around. "Good question. Chris is camped out where I usually sleep."

"You could join him. He likes blonds." Toby got up and went to put his glass in the sink. He surveyed the mess and sighed. Janet had gone home, and these people had no concept about picking up after themselves. He unloaded the dishwasher and started filling it up again. After that, he picked up the trash. When he got back from the garage, most everyone had retired upstairs or out to the guest cottage. A few had gone home. He was glad for the silence. Moving around the room, he retrieved the last of the glasses and straightened the furniture. If he had any balls, he‛d go sleep with Chris, but asking his mother to accept it was one thing and rubbing her face in it was another. He found a blanket and crashed on the sofa.

********

The house was quiet, and Chris went out the deck door so he didn‛t wake Toby up. Toby was dead asleep on the sofa. He had to be tired. His brain had about exploded from all that thinking. Chris didn‛t understand him at times like these. Toby wanted everyone happy, and he got angry when it didn‛t happen. Chris loved him, but things were more simple than that. As long as no one was fighting, it was fine. Toby needed to take what he could get. His mother was nice enough, just stubborn. She wanted her way. Chris wasn‛t going to give it to her by disappearing from Toby‛s life, but if Toby quit on this, that was something else.

Chris tightened his gloves, put on his helmet, and headed out to the road. Getting around all the cars was a pain in the ass, but he was careful not to scratch one of them. It was cool, but he‛d be hot soon. He‛d lifted yesterday, but he hadn‛t gotten out the racing chair, and he stretched his arms before getting serious. The road passed under his wheels, and he didn‛t rush. He wanted to go far today, not fast.

The sun came up, and he started pushing that much harder. There was nothing better than this, but he hadn‛t ridden a motorcycle yet. Angus was right. Money could buy anything - like a motorcycle. Did he want one bad enough to talk to a sponsor? No, he‛d ask Johnny to help him understand. Or Toby. He sure as fuck wouldn‛t ask Angus.

It wasn‛t that Angus was a bad man. He was just an asshole. There were lots of them in the world, and he wasn‛t going to worry about it. The only thing that mattered was that Angus was nice to Toby, and he was.

Chris‛s arms started to hurt, but he didn‛t stop. He went until he couldn‛t beat the next hill, finally turning his chair and coasting down to the bottom. Pulling out his water bottle, he took a long drink and rested. Three wives, huh? He‛d bet they were blond, and he was glad they were happy. He must have loved them once. If he could have one memory back, it would be of his family. Marsha had told him that he had no brothers or sisters. His parents were dead. Toby had said once that he missed his dad. Chris wanted to miss his mom and dad.

Chris took off his helmet, poured some water on his head, and stretched his arms. There was no rush to get back. He started that way but slowly. Getting back was always the tough part. He pushed aside all the words and thoughts and tried to work his entire body. By the time he hit the driveway, he was out of water and out of the will to go one inch farther.

"You look exhausted."

Chris took several deep breaths. He took off his helmet and rested.

"Were you free this morning?" Toby asked softly. He‛d been leaning against one of the cars. Chris had to smile because Toby understood. For a moment, yes, he‛d been free. Toby slowly smiled back. "Want some help?"

"Ez." Chris‛s arms were so tired it was almost easier to talk. He trembled as he got out and his legs refused to bear his weight for even one step.

Toby grunted, but his grip slipped, and his hands weren‛t in the right place. "Shit!"

Chris made sure to protect his head. It had happened before, and Johnny always cursed too. Toby still held him. "I am so sorry."

Chris stretched, pillowed his head on Toby, and blew out a deep breath. Here was fine. He breathed and wiped the sweat from his eyes.

"Is Chris hurt?" Harry‛s eyes were huge. "Should I call 911?"

"I think he‛s okay. He and I managed to drop him." Toby smoothed his hand over Chris‛s forehead. "Water?"

Chris would be grateful. He told him so, and Harry ran to get it. That brought Holly and other people to stare, and Chris was almost too tired to care, but this was probably embarrassing Toby, so he struggled to get up. Toby helped him sit.

"If I pull straight up, like Johnny did that one time by the sofa, will it work?"

Chris told him yes.

"Let me help," Angus said.

Chris wasn‛t sure he wanted Angus touching him, not after last night. Harry came back with water, and Chris leaned against Toby and drank it all. He might throw it up later, but Marsha said that wasn‛t a big deal.

"Make sure the wheels on his chair are locked," Toby said to Harry, "and hold it steady." Harry did, and Chris wrapped his arms around Toby. Toby lifted. Angus steadied them both, and Chris dropped into his seat.

"Okay?" Toby asked. He was breathing hard.

Chris nodded, put his head in his hands, and breathed some more. Shit, he was tired, and he shouldn‛t be. He hadn‛t gone any further than usual. Harry said, "I‛ll get more water."

"Thanks, son." Toby squatted down. "Shower, jacuzzi, massage, okay? I‛m also calling Marsha."

Chris was too tired to fight about it.

"Marsha is his doctor friend, right?" Angus asked.

"Right. Chris can‛t fall easily." Toby unlocked the wheels. "It‛s nearly lunch, Chris. When did you leave?"

Chris shrugged and told him that the sun had come up. Toby had been pushing him, but stopped, coming around the front. "That‛s six hours! Chris, you dumbshit, you‛ve never gone that far!"

"Tobias, language," Victoria snapped.

"Butt out, Mother," Toby snapped right back at her. Chris almost laughed. He had lost track of the distance or something. He wasn‛t very smart., and Victoria knew it. He asked for a shower. He took the water Harry offered and guzzled it. Toby got him moving again, and they were inside.

"Can I get you anything, Chris?" Janet asked.

Chris asked for Tylenol, and Holly told her. Janet got it fast and handed him two. He swallowed them and drank more water. They might stay down.

"Tobias, I was hoping you could chaperone a swimming party," Victoria said.

"No. Chris needs me." Toby didn‛t even look at her.

"I‛ll do it, Mother." Angus didn‛t sound angry. "Let‛s give Chris a minute. He may need a doctor."

Chris pushed his wheels toward the bedroom. Toby didn‛t seem able to move, but he caught up fast. He tugged off Chris‛s shirt, and Chris rolled right inside the shower. He didn‛t trust his legs to get out and sit in the special chair.

"Good idea." Toby started the water. "I‛m going to go call Marsha."

Chris waved him away and adjusted it until wonderful hot water poured down on him. He wasn‛t up for a jacuzzi, but he‛d take a massage, and then a nap and maybe some food. He‛d gone twice as far? No wonder he ached. Marsha was going to kick his ass. Just like Toby, he‛d gotten to thinking and nothing good came of that.

********

"Easy or hard? Well, easy, I guess. He mostly fell on me, which is good. He didn‛t hit his head, but we were on concrete."

"Okay, settle down, Toby. What else is wrong?" Marsha was not panicking.

Toby was. "He went twice as far! His arms are shaking and he‛s white as a sheet! I thought he‛d puke. He‛s in the shower in his chair. His legs completely gave out."

"Breathe, Toby." Marsha paused. "Are you breathing?"

"Yes!" Toby took a deep breath. "He took two Tylenol. What the hell was he thinking?"

Marsha didn‛t rush out her answer, and Toby wanted to yell at her. She said, "He was upset about last night and when he gets to moving, well, sometimes he forgets to stop. Remember that week that you didn‛t come by or call?"

"Yes," Toby said slowly. He didn‛t understand why this was important.

"He did it then too. Johnny kicked him right in the ass." Marsha sighed. "I‛ll be out. Make sure he drinks plenty of fluids. No jacuzzi. It might dehydrate him further. Let him rest and eat small quantities, and do a full body check for cuts and bruises. Make sure to check his head."

"I will." Toby hoped he was breathing again. "I‛m gonna kick him in the ass."

"Start a line." Marsha hung up. Toby hurried back but took a moment to kiss Holly and Harry. They looked worried.

"She said he‛ll be fine. Go swim. Don‛t drown. I‛m freaked out enough." Toby couldn‛t find a smile.

"Okay," Holly said and hugged him. Harry got the other side, and then they went upstairs to change. 

Janet gave him a banana. "This will help."

Toby thanked her and went in the bedroom. He was just in time to see Chris throw up in the shower. That wasn‛t good. Toby stripped down and got in the water with him. "When you feel better, I‛m going to smack you into tomorrow."

Chris hung his head. Toby soaped him down, washed his hair, and checked him for cuts and bruises. There was nothing, but it wasn‛t reassuring. Chris drank some more water and spat. He made the sign for sorry.

"Why did you do this to yourself? Don‛t you know how much this hurts me for you?"

Chris blinked and wiped away some droplets of water. He shrugged - what happened to your father?

Toby snapped off the water, hoping that Chris was through vomiting. "He was murdered in Oz, after he‛d visited me."

Chris rubbed his face. His hands moved slowly - did they catch the guy who did it?

Toby got a towel, put it on him to keep him from chilling, and got another one to wipe him down. "You killed him - broke his neck. Now, let‛s get you on the bed."

Chris was slowly drying himself. He was thinking, that was for sure. Toby dried him carefully and rolled him to the bed. "Fuck. How do we do this?"

Chris told him exactly how, and Toby followed the instructions to the letter. It was a matter of leverage and speed, not necessarily brute strength, but he was glad when Chris was in the bed. Toby dried him some more, checked his back - it looked fine - and got him comfortable.

"I‛ll get you some more water. Work on this." Toby popped open the banana. He smoothed Chris‛s wet hair back. "Don‛t puke until I get back."

Chris nibbled the banana. Toby slid on his jeans and went out to the kitchen. He got two more Tylenol, a bowl to catch vomit in, and parked Chris‛s wheelchair out in the sun to dry. Chris wasn‛t going to need it today.

"Is he going to be okay?" Angus frowned.

Toby wasn‛t sure enough to reassure him. "Marsha is coming out. She says to let him rest. I guess you and Mother want me to roll him to the ditch until she gets here."

"Toby, that‛s not fair." Angus sounded almost whiny. "I‛m trying to protect you."

"Well, stop it. I don‛t need it. Go be with Angie and be grateful that Mother approves of her." Toby stopped talking and went back to Chris. Chris was halfway through the banana, and his eyes were shut. Toby helped him take the Tylenol and then rubbed his arms while he fell asleep. Later, when Chris felt better, Toby was going to kick him in the ass. This was ridiculous. Nothing Toby did or said was worth this - nothing.

It was easy to forget how sensitive Chris was. He‛d always hidden it well. Killing instead of talking and then breaking down unexpectedly. He loved too fiercely and felt too much. Toby got a blanket and covered him. They‛d managed to forget underwear. He rubbed his face and cleaned up the room. From now on, he was keeping a closer eye on him.

*********

Chris woke up when a hand touched his forehead, and he wrapped his arms around Toby, pulling him close for a kiss.

"Let me go now, and I won‛t hurt you."

Chris yelped and let her go fast. Marsha laughed as Chris rubbed his eyes and cringed.

"You should be scared! Falling! Dehydrating yourself! Scaring Toby!" Marsha pointed her finger at him and poked him on the chest. "And you almost kissed me!"

"S‛aree." Chris wanted to hide under the bed.

"You have underwear on?" Marsha was staring at the blanket.

Chris looked. He had no idea.

"Never mind." She got up, found the drawer, and brought a pair back. "Can you sit up or did you work your back too hard?"

Chris pushed himself upright. It wasn‛t easy. She peeled the blanket off him and helped him with the underwear. Chris knew his face was red. She hadn‛t had to do that in a while. "I‛ve seen it before. It hasn‛t changed."

"Obe?"

"Yeah, say his name! What about mine? You loved me first!" She smiled, and he knew she was messing with him. "I made him go eat. He‛s a wreck. Chris, if you love him, you won‛t treat yourself like shit. He can‛t handle it. Johnny and I, well, we love you, but not like that!"

Chris felt like shit. He‛d try not to do it again. It was hard to care about himself. He was a stupid freak, and Victoria and Angus were smart enough to see it. Toby was blind when it came to that truth.

"Love is dumb, huh?"

Chris agreed with that. She opened her doctor bag and started doing her thing. Chris knew better than to complain. He did what she said.

"You hungry?"

Chris nodded. He was.

"Good." She didn‛t leave to get him anything. "Knee hurt?"

He shook his head, but he could see the swelling. There was no pain. His legs felt duller than usual. She shined a light in his eyes and flicked it away. "You were lucky that you fell on Toby. I might have to give him a look. I‛ll get you a pain pill and leave one for tomorrow. You‛re going to need it. Chris, do not do this again before your race, or you will miss it."

He promised her that he wouldn‛t and swallowed the pill that she gave him.

"I‛ll get an ice pack for your knee." She went out, but she left the door open, and he could hear her talking to Toby. Toby did sound upset. Chris hadn‛t thought that anyone could love him so much. Toby did. Chris shivered, and it wasn‛t from cold. That much love was scary. He‛d killed the man that had killed Toby‛s father, and he knew why. Love. This kind of love - a love that made them crazy when it came to the other.

"Are you shivering?" Toby was already getting him a sweatshirt and sweats. "Let me help."

Chris let him, and they held each other. "S‛aree." He had to use his words. This was important.

Toby kissed him gently. "I hope you didn‛t do this to see if I‛d go nuts."

Chris flinched from the words. He hadn‛t. Toby smoothed Chris‛s hair. "Sorry. I know you didn‛t, but please don‛t do this again. My heart can‛t take it."

Chris couldn‛t promise, but he‛d try not to do it again. The love was scary enough without pushing it, and he had no worries now that Toby loved him. The fear had shown him the total truth. He quivered again. He wasn‛t a freak - to Toby - and it made him feel free like nothing else ever had.

"Just like the old days - me delivering your tray." Marsha came through the door, forcing Chris to stop thinking. "Toby, move your ass."

"Yes, ma‛am." Toby got out of the way but didn‛t go far. "I didn‛t see his knee when I checked him."

Marsha put the tray down on the side table. "You‛re not a doctor. Now, either I can stick this down his pants or you can."

Toby took the ice pack and did it. Chris felt it, but as if his leg was far away. He let Marsha fuss over him, and then he ate all he could, but slowly. His stomach was pissed at him.

"While he‛s eating, I want to check you over, Toby," Marsha said. "Then you can go back to staring at him."

"I‛m fine." Toby pulled up a chair and sat down.

Marsha glared. "I‛m not asking."

Chris stopped eating and told Toby to go before she hurt him. Toby groaned. "All right, but I‛m fine!"

"Humor me, Dr. Beecher."

Chris watched them leave. He loved him. They loved each other. The rest of the world could go to hell.

*********

"He did land on you." Marsha shook her head and sighed. "Did you see stars?"

Toby winced at the touch. "For a second, yes." Her fingers continued their path across his head.

"No double-vision? No vomiting?"

"Chris did twice. I‛m fine." Toby pulled his head out of her hands. He was ready to go back to Chris, but she gave him a stony glare. He could see that she worked with men all day and got her way more often than not.

"How bad does this hurt on a scale from one to ten?" She pressed his ribs on his right side.

"Ouch!" Toby pushed her hand away.

She sighed. "So, he was mostly on your left, and you fell on your right side. Possible concussion, bruised ribs, and contusions. Are you taking any drugs?"

Toby put his hand on his side. "I guess I‛ve been going on adrenaline. None of this hurt until you started poking at me!"

Marsha narrowed her eyes. "Marijuana, coke, amphetamines?"

"No!" Toby glared right back at her. "And I don‛t drink. I‛m clean and sober. You can ask my parole officer if you want. I had a piss test last week."

"Still on parole, huh?" Marsha handed him a pill. "Take this and let‛s get some ice on your head to bring the swelling down. I could wish you‛d have done it immediately."

Toby put on his shirt fast. "I can tell you‛re a prison doctor."

"And that‛s a good thing, right?" Marsha put her stethoscope away. "Next time, well, shit. I should have Johnny show you. You‛ve been assuming that Chris can bear his weight, and you can‛t. You have to be ready each time, and then get him down fast if his legs give out. You two toppled over like trees."

"He‛s damn heavy!" Toby snapped. He saw from her face that he was pushing his luck and managed to say in an even tone, "But yeah, have Johnny show me. I guess we‛re lucky we didn‛t hit a car."

"That would‛ve hurt worse." Marsha started back for the kitchen, and Toby was right behind her. He took the pill, found another ice pack, and winced as he put it on his head. She was already back in with Chris.

"Tobias, are you all right?" his mother asked, coming in from the deck. "There are people asking about you."

"Bumped my head." Toby wasn‛t going to go into detail, and he knew no one had asked for him. "Marsha gave me a pain pill and told me to rest. You‛ll have to make my apologies."

Victoria put her hand on his arm. "Go rest then. Please."

Toby saw the concern and love and tried to relax. He was too keyed up and liable to say things that he‛d regret later. "Thank you, Mother." He gave her a quick hug and went back to Chris.

Marsha was sitting on the bed with him. The tray that Janet had made was on the side table. Toby took a second to look. Chris had eaten. That was a good sign.

"Toby, he‛s going to be fine. He didn‛t hit his head, and he‛ll bounce back quickly." Marsha smiled, and he hadn‛t noticed before how pretty she was, but he did now. It had to be the head injury. He sat down in the chair by the bed and stifled a groan. Marsha noticed. "You‛re feeling it now. Tomorrow, you‛ll be lucky if you can walk."

"S‛aree," Chris said. He reached, and Toby took him by the hand.

Marsha‛s cell phone rang, and she got it. "Yeah, he‛s fine. Yeah, he puked. Yeah, Toby‛s crying."

Toby wanted to throw things at her. Chris tugged at Toby‛s hand, and they smiled at each other.

"You have to show Toby how to deal with this sort of thing. The poor boy is clueless." Marsha didn‛t even notice the glare that Toby gave her. "Yep, there‛s still a party going on - lots of food. I‛m staying for dinner. Okay, see ya soon."

"Johnny‛s coming out?" Toby asked the dumb question.

Marsha nodded and turned her attention back to Chris. "I want you to sleep. Toby, crawl up there next to him and sleep some also. I‛ll wake you to eat again at six."

Toby pushed off his shoes. He could see the affection she had for Chris clearly. "Thanks, Marsha," he said and kissed her on the cheek.

She wiped it away and got off the bed. "Chris, explain to him that we don‛t kiss the doctor. Not ever."

Chris laughed, and Toby tried to find a comfortable spot between the ice packs. They ended up tucked together. Marsha arranged the blanket over them.

"I need a pain pill," she muttered and left with the tray. She shut the door. Toby didn‛t want to know what Marsha and his mother would talk about.

"Love you, you asshole."

"Ov u."

*********

Chris looked right at Toby and demanded his wheelchair. Toby glared back at him and didn‛t make a move.

"Here ya go, Chris." Johnny delivered it. "Let me help."

Toby turned and left the room. Chris was glad for Johnny‛s help and told him that. Johnny unlocked the wheels and started pushing. "You scared him. We have to fix it."

Chris agreed. It was his fault. They went out to the living room, and Toby was watching TV with his kids. Chris glanced up at Johnny.

"Sofa?"

"Es." Chris was still tired, and he knew he would be until tomorrow.

"Okay, class is in session." Johnny turned off the TV. "Toby, I know your head hurts, but I have to work tomorrow so we‛re doing this now."

Toby frowned, and the kids looked confused. Johnny was putting on a show, but Chris had noticed that he didn‛t curse around the kids. Johnny started talking, and Chris didn‛t really listen. He watched Toby.

"Always, always, always assume that he‛s going to fall. Got it?"

Toby nodded. He looked worried. He‛d always ignored the wheelchair, but now Johnny was forcing him to think about it. Chris hoped it didn‛t make Toby think less of him. Toby was on his feet now, pacing.

"He‛s fallen enough for one day. Let‛s get someone else."

"Okay, but first, help him to the sofa."

Toby rubbed his hands through his hair. "I wasn‛t nervous until now."

"Gotta get back on the horse." Johnny didn‛t smile, and Chris didn‛t ask why they were talking about horses. "The worst that can happen is that you drop him. Chris, how many times have you fallen?"

Chris blinked.

"Exactly. A lot. He‛s fine. He‛s tough. Marsha worries about every bruise, but Chris and I know better."

"Hey! I heard that!" Marsha came in the room and handed him something that smelled weird. He stared down at it. She growled, "Drink it. It‛s good for you."

He made a gross face, and the kids laughed. Toby finally smiled. "Okay, so teach me."

"I want to know too, so I can tell Dad if he‛s doing it wrong."

Chris grinned at Holly, and Toby rolled his eyes. "At least everyone is gone except family. I guess I don‛t mind if you guys laugh at me."

Johnny took over at that point, and Chris tried to drink the stuff while they moved him around. Being hugged by Toby was nice, but it was easy to tell that he was nervous.

"Okay, so let‛s go over what happened today." Johnny looked around. "Angus!"

Chris was on the sofa now, and he wasn‛t moving again. Johnny made Angus get in the wheelchair, and Chris turned the TV back on. No reason for him to pay attention. He knew all this stuff.

"You dropped me on purpose!"

"You‛re heavy!"

"I better move the coffee table," Marsha said with a big sigh.

Harry sat down by Chris. "They‛re nuts."

Chris grinned, ruffled the kid‛s hair, and found a show about fast cars. Harry approved of that. "I want one of those."

Toby sat down with a huff. "Chris, don‛t ever trust me again." Chris handed him the glass. Toby wrinkled his nose. "You drank that?"

Chris explained to him about pissing off doctors and how it wasn‛t healthy. Harry nodded. "That‛s true. I‛m always nice to our doctor. He‛s got these huge needles, and he‛s always looking for an excuse to stick one in your butt."

Toby grumbled something under his breath and took the glass to the kitchen. Chris laughed with Harry when Marsha glared at them.

"How many wheelchairs do you have, Chris?" Angus asked.

Chris didn‛t get why this was a big deal, but he glanced at him and pointed to his wheelchair. He could count that high. Toby came back and handed him a soda. "Drink this - I insist. I‛m a lawyer."

Marsha reached to smack him, and Toby ducked. "Trust me, Chris, you never, ever want to make your lawyer angry."

Chris laughed. He didn‛t know what a lawyer did, but it was funny that Toby was picking on Marsha and winning. 

"Toby, did you learn anything?" Johnny sat down in the wheelchair and rolled over close. Chris nudged Toby to answer.

"Yeah. Let him fall." Toby grinned at him. Chris rubbed his forehead and groaned. He hoped that was a joke, or he was going to have a lot of bruises.

"Do it again, Johnny. The lawyer ain‛t so smart." Marsha rubbed her forehead.

Everyone laughed.

Chris looked around at everyone and suddenly it hit him. He had so much. Even Angus was being kinda nice tonight, and he was Toby‛s brother. Chris was going to like him because of that even if he acted like a jerk.

"What is it, Chris?" Holly asked, touching his arm gently.

Chris wasn‛t sure he wanted to tell her, but it was hard to be grouchy with her. He was careful not to smile as he told her that he was happy.

"That is just wrong," Johnny said loudly. "I‛m getting you out of here before this gets any worse!"

Toby made a soft noise that might have been surprise, and there was laughter. Chris tried not to blush. He shouldn‛t have said it. Johnny would tease him forever about it.

"Not long until Boston," Marsha said in the sudden silence. "No more screwups."

"Ouch." Toby scooted closer. Chris was glad when Toby took him by the hand.

"I gotta go. Work tomorrow." Johnny stood and stretched. "Toby, drop him again and I‛ll kick your butt and let Marsha stick a needle in it."

The kids thought that was funny. Chris reached, and they slapped hands. Marsha went with him, after reminding Chris about his pain pill for tomorrow. She‛d probably call also. Holly walked them out, and then came back to sit by her dad. Chris took a deep breath. He wanted to put his arm around Toby, but Angus was still in the room, and he might not like it.

Toby stretched and dropped his arm around Chris. "You feel okay?"

Chris smiled. He was tired, but okay. Johnny had given him a great massage. Tomorrow, he‛d be better. He told Toby again that he hadn‛t done it on purpose.

"You just got going and forgot about coming back?" Toby didn‛t look angry.

Chris thought about it. He carefully signed, knowing that Toby would miss some of it - I was thinking about your father and my parents and my wives. They didn‛t want me.

Toby frowned and looked at Holly. She said the words for him. Chris winked at her. Toby said slowly, "What happened to my father was tragic, and you never talked about your parents. I can‛t help you there. I am a little surprised that none of your wives were willing to put you up."

Chris didn‛t know why, but he pointed to the dent in his head. That was the answer to the question. Marsha had told them that he was broken, and they hadn‛t wanted him.

"Chris, you‛re not a freak," Toby ground out each word. "It‛s hard to even see unless you‛re sweaty. You need to give yourself a break."

Angus cleared his throat. "Toby, what does Chris know about what happened to Dad?"

"Kids, go to bed. It‛s getting late." Toby clapped his hands. "You have a busy day tomorrow. I‛ll be up in a minute. Go on."

They groaned, but they went. Toby waited until they were out of sight and then he kissed him. Chris liked it. He wanted lots more, but Angus might have given a groan.

"Angus, what I‛m going to tell you is speculation on my part. There is no proof." Toby spread his hands and continued, "Winthrop killed Dad. Schillinger ordered him to do it. Chris found out about it, and well . . ."

"Killed him," Angus said softly. "Is that true, Chris?"

Chris told him that he didn‛t know. He didn‛t remember, but it sounded like him. He‛d do anything to protect Toby. Anything for Toby‛s love. Killing people sounded fine, as long as Toby wasn‛t hurt. Toby got to his feet. "Chris doesn‛t remember now. I accused him of it before he fell, and he didn‛t deny it. He did it because he loved me."

Angus rubbed his face. "And now he sits in our living room."

Chris didn‛t have an answer for that. He had learned that staying here was a bad idea over this weekend, but he loved the time he‛d spent with Toby.

Toby put his hands on his hips. "Chris did a lot of things for me, and some of them weren‛t pretty. He always, always, loved me."

"I won‛t say I understand." Angus didn‛t get up to leave. "But I‛m glad that Winthrop is dead," he said softly. "I shouldn‛t be."

Toby jogged back upstairs. Chris drank his soda and watched TV. He didn‛t know what to say, and Angus didn‛t know sign. The door opened, and the women were back. Angus seemed glad to see them, and Chris wondered when those two would get married. He didn‛t think it would last. Sooner or later, Angus would want a woman with fire in her belly. Angie did whatever she was told. Victoria should marry her.

"How is he?"

Chris ignored it. He flipped the channel until he found something interesting to watch. Angus went out with them, and Chris relaxed. He stretched and got his legs up so he could lie down. That was better. Nice couch. He tucked a pillow under his head and thought about it. Boston was coming and then he‛d go back to Johnny‛s place. He‛d miss seeing Toby every day, but his family was probably ready for Chris to leave. Victoria wanted that bedroom back. Chris scratched his belly and knew one thing for sure - Toby loved him.

*********

Toby gave himself and Chris two days to recover and then he cornered him in the garage. After kissing him, he asked, "Want to go for a ride?"

Chris rubbed his dick and flicked his eyebrows. Toby laughed. That was his Chris.

"In the car."

Chris sighed. If I have to - he said. Toby made sure Angus knew he was in charge of the kids and got his car keys. He still wasn‛t sure about this, but Chris had said please. Please. That little word had torn at Toby‛s heart. If Chris wanted something that bad, it was time to go see about it.

It was a nice, sunny day, and Toby didn‛t rush. Chris looked at him funny once or twice, but his mouth fell right open when they arrived at the store. Toby got Chris‛s wheelchair out fast, before he tried to crawl. Chris signed thanks twice and they weren‛t even inside yet. The place smelled like oil and chrome gleamed alongside shiny leather. Chris zoomed off without waiting for Toby.

"Can I help you?"

Toby took a good look before answering, returning the steady gaze. The guy was big, tats, moustache, and he looked as if he‛d smelled a yuppie. Well, there were ways. Toby didn‛t smile. He crossed his arms and nodded.

"My friend and I just got out of Oz. He wants a bike. I ain‛t so sure."

"Oz?" The guy stared at him. "How long?"

"I did six there and another year at Rikers. That lucky fucker was pardoned. I‛m still on parole." Toby hooked his thumb in Chris‛s direction. "He fell off the top of the cell block. He had a bike before he went in, but things are different now."

"Rick Campbell." He stuck out his hand, and the attitude was much more respectful.

"He‛s Chris, and I‛m Toby." Toby shook the huge hand, not too worried about getting it back in one piece.

Rick nodded. "Let me talk to him."

Toby went with him. Chris was practically drooling, and he was stroking a Harley like a long-lost lover. Toby was seriously considering being damn jealous.

Rick smiled. "Got good taste. How much can you use your legs?"

Chris looked at Toby and told him to talk. Toby didn‛t mind doing it. "He can stand and take a few steps. Getting on might be a real problem."

Toby prayed he didn‛t have to catch Chris today. They both still had bruises. Rick stroked his moustache. "Might have to get something custom. The gears are foot operated on these, unless you get an automatic. I‛d have to order you one."

"I‛m more worried that he‛ll fall on his ass when he stops and burn his leg off." Toby didn‛t even try to get on one. They were big, and he knew he‛d dump it.

Rick led the way down to what he said were ‛trikes,‛ and Toby could see possibilities there. Nothing to balance. Getting on and off might require help, but once Chris was on, he could go as far as the gas tank would take him.

"You like these, Chris?"

Chris bit his lower lip and looked back at the motorcycles. Rick nodded. "Yeah. Nothing like a Hog, but if we try one of these Hondas, it‛ll give us an idea of how strong you are."

Chris nodded, but he didn‛t look enthusiastic. Toby had a ton of misgivings, and this was completely his fault for bringing him here.

Rick smiled now. He smelled a sale. "We have a small track out back. Follow me." He pushed the trike out two big doors, and Chris was right behind him. Toby was already worrying about licenses. Chris couldn‛t read, but he was smiling, and Toby groaned at what he‛d done in a weak moment.

Rick stopped the trike. "Toby, you get on that side. I‛ll help him over here."

Chris lifted his foot flaps, and Toby moved faster. Rick showed Chris how to get on, and then asked, "Can you lift one leg far enough to get it over?"

Toby felt as if he should stay out of it. Chris shrugged and stood. Rick was right there, and Chris leaned completely forward and struggled to get his leg over. Toby steadied him on the other side, and suddenly he was on. Chris put his hands on the front, sat up, and took a deep breath. He looked so damn happy, and Toby would do anything to keep that smile in place.

"We can modify the seat to make that easier." Rick started teaching Chris how to drive it, and Toby moved the wheelchair out of the way, and then he just sat down in it. Rubbing his face, he prayed that he‛d done the right thing. Johnny had a cousin that apparently killed people, and he kept threatening to call him.

"Hey, you want to ride behind him?" Rick yelled over the engine noise.

Toby was there fast, crawling up behind, and holding him tightly. "Chris, yer a fucking nut."

Chris grinned, and they were moving. It wasn‛t fast, and Chris was careful, but Toby‛s heart was pounding. With a jolt, they stopped, and then Chris gave it some gas. Toby shut his eyes and then they were back at Rick.

"Good job!" Rick shut off the engine. "Does your back hurt? Your legs?"

Chris shook his head. His smile was a mile wide, and Toby turned him loose but slowly. Getting off would be hard. Toby moved the chair closer, and he helped Chris do a controlled fall into it. Thank God that Johnny had taught him the right way to do it.

"You were in Oz?" Rick looked skeptical.

"I was his bitch." Toby smiled, completely enjoying the look of shock on Rick‛s face. "Still am."

Chris‛s hands moved fast. How much? We have to ask Johnny. Can I do this?

Toby hoped he got it all. "How much? And what modifications can you make to help him out?"

Rick narrowed his eyes. "Let‛s go back to the office. We‛ll talk specifics. We make several products for disabled riders, including heated seats."

"Good." Toby was more than willing to pay for it, but he wouldn‛t insult Chris‛s pride. Chris also might have the money. Toby didn‛t know. They left the motorcycle shop an hour later with a price. Rick had wanted more than a maybe, but Chris had insisted they talk to Johnny, and Toby had agreed.

Back at the lake house, Chris spun his wheelchair in circles, and Toby laughed. "I like that smile."

Chris told him that he loved him, and Toby caught him long enough to kiss him.

********

"Insurance can come out of your disability check, but the driver‛s license test will be the hard part, not to mention the purchase price." Johnny looked at Chris and then glanced at Toby. "You have about half that in savings."

Chris slowly nodded. He wasn‛t sure what some of that meant, but he didn‛t have enough. Toby sat down next to him on the sofa. "I‛ll pay the other half."

Chris told him no instantly. Toby didn‛t quit. "Listen to me. Half of it will be mine. We‛ll ride together or not at all."

Johnny tilted his head to the side. "Well, that does sound fair. He can pay half the insurance too."

Chris wasn‛t sure. He wanted it to be his - all his - and he wanted to drive off on it and ... he stopped. That wasn‛t going to happen. He‛d never leave Toby.

Toby pushed his hair back. "I know I‛m a big chicken, but we might have fun. I guess if you don‛t want me to ride with you, I‛ll butt out."

"Es." Chris made up his mind fast. Toby wasn‛t sorry for him. Toby wanted to have fun. That made it all different.

Johnny nodded. "I get final approval of the design. We may have to spend a little extra. Toby, put it on your insurance. It‛ll be cheaper that way."

"I‛ll buy it. You can give me half." Toby wiped his forehead. "Thing was huge. I may piss myself. Chris, you can‛t drive until you get your license. Holly and I will help, but if you fail, it‛s staying in the garage. Get it?"

Chris kissed Toby and then agreed. He tried to kiss Johnny, but he ran. Chris hadn‛t been sure at first - it wasn‛t a motorcyle, but it was fast, and he wanted it. Wanted it bad.

Toby flipped open his phone. "I‛ll get it ordered. Black, right?"

Chris nodded. He didn‛t like red. Johnny pulled him aside while Toby was on the phone. "You sure? He, uh, isn‛t exactly a biker."

Chris was sure. He told Johnny all about Rick and what had been said. Johnny smiled a little. "Toby said that? He said he was your bitch?" His eyes were big. Chris nodded and laughed. It was still funny.

"More and more, I kinda like him, but don‛t tell him I said that."

"Okay. He‛s taking care of it. I put it on my credit card." Toby sat down with a thump. "I‛m nuts, and I think I‛m going to puke."

Chris rolled to him and kissed him good. That should help. Toby put his head on Chris‛s shoulder. "You realize that we might die."

Johnny snorted. "Only if you‛re driving. Did you work out at all today, Chris?"

Chris ran his hand through Toby‛s hair before telling Johnny to go to hell. He was ready for the race. He‛d never been stronger or faster. Johnny shrugged. "It‛s your race. Hey, you guys staying? I was going to order Chinese."

Toby leaned up slow and checked his watch. "I should get back to the kids. Chris, you want to stay?"

Chris was glad to be away from all the people, but he also knew he had little time left with Toby. After the race, he was back here, maybe for good. Victoria would see to that. Chris suggested they all go out for burgers and then they could go home.

"Good idea. Rich guy buys." Johnny grabbed his keys.

Something had been bugging Chris for a few days. He caught Johnny by the hand and asked him how many wheelchairs he was supposed to have.

Johnny furrowed his brow. "How am I supposed to know? You like that one okay?"

Chris shrugged. He hated it, but it wasn‛t as bad as some he‛d had.

"Well, all your money is gone until your disability check gets here. Wheelchairs ain‛t free!"

"Actually, I think there are several organizations that-"

Johnny made a rude noise. "Pieces of absolute shit. Chris ain‛t exactly a small man, and he has a tendency to crash it into things." He glared at him.

Chris flipped him off, but it was true, even though that one time had been an accident. Toby opened the door, and they took the van. Johnny was still bitching. "That wheelchair was custom made, hand-crafted, and fits his back perfectly. Two races paid for it!"

Chris began to think that he should try to learn money. He rubbed his forehead and begged Johnny to shut up.

"Needs a cupholder," Toby said. Chris laughed and reached forward to squeeze Johnny‛s shoulder. Johnny was the best. Chris told Toby to shut up before Johnny dumped them out on the side of the road.

Johnny laughed. "It hasn‛t ever been fucking dull having you around, Chris."

Chris had never understood why Johnny had taken him in, but he was damn grateful. Johnny knew it too. He‛d said never to talk about it again. They went inside, and Toby bought a pile of burgers, fries, and shakes.

"Your mom isn‛t so hip with the gay shit, huh?"

Toby threw a fry at Johnny. "Not gay, but yeah. She‛s freaking out. She wants me to get married."

"To a woman?"

Chris choked on his shake, and Johnny patted him on the back. Toby put his head in his hands and whispered, "Maybe I should have you talk to her."

"No way in hell." Johnny pointed at Chris. "You do it, bro."

Chris shot that down fast and went back to eating. He couldn‛t believe they‛d bought that trike. It was going to be great. He asked Toby when it would be ready.

"He said he‛d call. It‛ll give me time to look into insurance, and you can start working on the test." Toby smiled. "Had your eyes checked lately?"

Johnny glanced at him. "Did Marsha do that at the hospital?"

Chris nodded and kept eating. He might not be able hear or talk, but he could see. Toby had more to say, "Mother will come around. I haven‛t been out that long."

"I‛m not gonna fucking hold my breath on that one."

"Johnny, you never curse around the kids," Toby said. "I kept waiting to smack you."

"They‛re kids! You‛re not supposed to curse around them." Johnny pointed at him. "But you do."

"Well, yeah, but still, thanks."

Chris pushed the tray away. He was full.

"Chris, you feeling okay? You only ate three." Johnny smirked. Toby laughed. Chris smiled at his best friend and his lover. Today was a good day.

*********

Toby wanted to scream with frustration. His mother was driving him insane in the nicest possible way. She found one thing after another for him to do the moment he put his ass down near Chris‛s. Chris had said nothing about it, but Toby knew his lover was insulted. Anyone with a brain would be, and Chris was far from stupid.

Angie and Angus had gone back to work, but his mother was sticking it out. She lived in the house now, and she wasn‛t budging. Toby rubbed his face and tried to find his patience, but it was gone, gone, so gone. Holly had shot him a grin about an hour ago that said even she knew the score.

"Tobias, will you be taking me shopping this afternoon?" His mother smiled so sweetly, but there was a tone in her voice that wasn‛t taking no as an answer.

Janet made a soft sound that Toby interpreted as laughter. He latched onto that. "Janet wants to go so she said she‛d drive. I‛m going to take a nap. I‛m worn out from cleaning the gutters."

Victoria frowned slightly. "And Christopher?"

She always called him that. Chris wasn‛t fond of it. Neither was Toby. "I think Johnny is swinging by. They‛re going to go look at the trike." He felt not the tiniest bit of guilt at the lie. That was scheduled for tomorrow, but she couldn‛t know that.

"I‛m still not sure why you‛re involved in that."

"It‛ll be fun. The kids will like it. I‛ll get them helmets." Toby smiled at Janet. "Janet, can you get some of that gourmet coffee I like?"

"Will do, and I‛ll make a chocolate cake for Chris. He‛s been sticking with the diet. It‛s time for a treat." Janet smiled.

Toby like her more because she liked Chris. Everyone did, even Angus was coming around, and that had been a hard sell, but not his mother. His mother was bound and determined to see Toby shackled to some sorority girl with half a brain and a working uterus. As if any child could replace Gary. Toby struggled to keep the fake smile on his face through a small spurt of anger and grief for his child.

Victoria stood. "We‛ll leave in thirty minutes." She retreated upstairs.

"I heard you laughing," Toby whispered.

Janet grinned. "Me? No, sir. I‛d never laugh at your, um, frustration with your mother."

"Right." Toby groaned as he stood. He was sore from something his mother had made him do. "I‛m going to go lie down. You get the kids ready."

"Easy enough." Janet came over with some Tylenol.

Toby took the pills. "Hey, what will you do when summer‛s over?"

"Rest." Janet went back to the dishes. "Call me if you come out for Christmas."

"Will do." Toby went back to the master bedroom and crashed on the bed. He was tired and sore, and he was finished playing the prag for his mother. The thought made him laugh. He drifted to sleep but woke instantly when a hand slid under his shirt. "That better be you, Chris."

The hand slipped lower, and Toby decided to keep his eyes shut. Keeping his mouth shut wasn‛t possible. Chris had a certain rhythm, and fucking must be one of those things a man can‛t forget because it hadn‛t changed. His lack of mobility didn‛t slow him down, and he stripped Toby naked. Toby stretched and wasn‛t surprised when Chris wanted him to keep his arms up.

Chris teased at him, and Toby tried to keep from begging for it. That lasted about two seconds, and Toby blurted, "Chris, please, just do something!"

A raw chuckle was his answer, and Toby tried to get greedy. Chris pushed Toby‛s arms back and held them there. He was strong as an ox. Toby opened his eyes and Chris‛s blue ones were right there, daring him to struggle.

"You‛re the boss," Toby said breathlessly. He saw the gleam of pleasure that sparked in blue. He‛d told Rick that he was Chris‛s bitch, and it wasn‛t true, except that it was. Chris had the power to make him do anything, and that truth had never set well. Did Chris know it? The old Chris had, and he‛d exploited it, but this Chris seemed uncertain, reluctant to ask or demand anything. Toby didn‛t know why it had changed, but this natural humility that Chris wore so well now was sexy as hell.

Chris slid his hand over Toby‛s eyes and Toby shut them. Almost nervous, he licked his lower lip and Chris‛s tongue chased it back into his mouth. Chris‛s hand teased Toby‛s balls and he lifted his leg slightly to give Chris better access. Chris stopped kissing him, stopped touching him. Toby bit off a whimper of need. He put his leg back where it had been.

"Toby, you ever let anyone tie you up?"

"Fuck, no." Toby didn‛t laugh. That wasn‛t happening - not again. One brand on his ass was enough. "Stupid as hell."

Chris had pursed his lips and shrugged. "You‛d be giving yourself. Have to love someone a lot to do it."

"You ever?"

"Fuck, no."

Toby dropped back into real time. Chris‛s warm hand caressed up from Toby‛s belly. Toby gasped and faced the truth. He loved Chris enough to not be in control. Insane love. That‛s what it was, and he was never going to let it slip away again. Toby sucked Chris‛s finger and then two of them. His cock couldn‛t get any harder. He groaned loudly when Chris lifted him and pressed with his fingers.

Chris growled something, and Toby only managed to keep his arms up. "Oh, fuck!" Those were the only clear words, the rest was a babble, and Toby gave it all to Chris. Letting him love hard, fast, and then slow and easy. Chris kept him right on the edge for what seemed like days and then nothing, he was gone. Toby refused to open his eyes and look. "Chris, please. Touch me."

Nothing, and waiting was the hardest thing he‛d ever done. His cock leaked on his stomach and he stilled himself. Chris was there. Watching. Toby could smell him. "Please?"

Chris‛s hot breath curled into Toby‛s ear. Toby quivered. He needed so much more. Chris‛s hand wrapped into Toby‛s hair and they both cried out as their bodies joined. Chris ground his hips down hard, and Toby shoved up into it.

Toby ached for Chris‛s dick inside him, but there wasn‛t time. Toby felt come hit him, and Chris grew even heavier, pushing down on him. He didn‛t care. He was about ready to come when Chris rolled off, but he came right back. His fingers dipped into Toby‛s ass and his mouth sucked hard.

"Oh, fuck me." Toby screwed his eyes shut and came buckets. It hurt, it felt good, it made his teeth ache, and it forced him to the edge of grogginess. He made a soft sound when Chris eased away. The bed felt like it was spinning, and he curled into him, seeking shelter from the worry that he was alone. Chris tucked him tight, and he was glad for the heaviness, the strength around him. Chris‛s hand touched him gently on the face and Toby found a few kisses before falling asleep.

"Dinner!"

Toby flailed awake, realized he was naked, and prayed the door was shut. It was, and he bolted for the shower. Half-convinced it had been a dream, he found evidence otherwise. He was sticky, and he washed it away. Quickly, he dried off, dressed, and tried to casually walk out to dinner. He felt as if he were stumbling, and he avoided looking at Chris.

"Janet made a cake!" Harry was excited.

Toby rubbed his face. "Did you have fun shopping?"

His kids nodded and smiled. Victoria was at the head of the table, and she seemed happy about something. "Did you have a good nap?"

"It was perfect," Toby managed after swallowing nothing but spit. He hoped his face wasn‛t red. Chris didn‛t even crack a smile, and that helped. His kids were laughing about something, and he smoothed his wet hair back and tried to get it under control.

"I saw Diane Bork‛s mother in town. You remember her from club, I‛m sure." His mother was gloating. "They‛re coming out for dinner on Friday."

Toby frowned and made up his mind fast. He was going to lie his ass off and get them out of here on Friday. "Chris and I had promised to take the kids to the movie."

Holly nodded. "We haven‛t been all summer."

Toby smiled at his little liar. "What was it you wanted to see?"

"Well," she said slowly, "there are actually three to pick from. The first one-"

Toby stopped listening and she talked and talked and talked. Harry nodded several times. His mother finally interrupted, "I‛m sure you can reschedule for Saturday."

"Rats," Harry said. "Dad is taking us to summer camp that day."

Toby raised his eyebrows and waited for his mother to say something. Her eyes flicked at Chris, and then she said, "I should have consulted with you first."

"It would have been polite," Toby said gently. "Some other time. Next summer perhaps."

Chris signed something to Holly, and she answered him the same way. Toby didn‛t even try to follow along. He ate his dinner. Later, he was going to have words with his ex-cellmate.

*********

"What‛re ya dreaming about?"

Chris smiled as Toby flopped down in the deck chair next to him. "U."

"Really? The part where I screamed for it, or the part where I passed out from how good it was?"

"Es." Chris rubbed his throat. That was enough words for tonight. His throat felt scratchy. He reached and gently touched Toby‛s lips.

Toby groaned. "You about killed me!"

Chris grinned. It had been better than good. He‛d felt strong and almost like he was giving Toby something special. He asked him if he liked it.

"Well, yeah! But not more than once a year." Toby laughed softly. "Next time, I‛ll hold you down."

That might be fun. He looked out at the lake and sighed.

"What‛s wrong? Worried about something?" Toby took him by the hand. Chris said no, but he was going to miss all this. Toby gave a grunt. "Even my mother?"

Chris hated to lie. He shrugged.

"I know you miss Johnny. He took off work tomorrow so you two can go inspect the trike." Toby smiled. "No reason for me to go along."

Chris rolled his eyes and thumped Toby on the forehead. Toby glared. "That wasn‛t nice." Chris told him to stop being a fucking fool.

"Have you taught Holly the curse words?" Toby was still glaring. "You better not have!"

Chris denied it quickly. He hadn‛t. They were working on the driver‛s license test together, and he was careful not to curse. Not much.

"Man, put away the big, blue eyes." Toby laughed. "I still love you. So, trike tomorrow, movies the next day, and then I‛m taking the kids to camp. After that, we can pray that Mother leaves."

Putting his hands together, Chris looked upwards. He wanted to sleep with Toby again before this was over. Toby pulled him close and kissed him. "You made me scream!"

He had like it too, and he wanted more. He was not sorry. Toby looked out at the lake. "Kids are in bed. How about that skinny-dipping now?"

It was easy enough for Chris to push off his shoes. Toby did the same. He hit the water first, but Chris was right behind him. They raced to a small island where Chris could sit in the rocky shallows, and Toby lost again. Chris shivered a little, it was chilly, and laughed when Toby crawled right up on top of him.

"You always win."

Chris nodded. He leaned back on his arms and licked some water off Toby‛s neck. Toby stared down at his dick. "I‛m still tired from earlier." Chris was too, but Toby didn‛t get off. They kissed, and the stars shone down. Toby slid his hands through the water and over him. "I wish we could stay out here forever."

Chris pulled him closer. There wasn‛t a word bigger than love.

"Toby! What the hell are you doing?"

Toby groaned. "Angus is back."

Chris made the sign for towels and watched Toby swim away to the dock. He laced his hands behind his head and lay flat in the rocks. Their words didn‛t float his direction and he didn‛t care. They couldn‛t keep Toby from him. Nothing could.

********

Toby stayed out of the way as Johnny, Chris, and Rick went over the trike again and again. Johnny crossed his arms. "I think a windshield is a good idea."

Chris made a rude noise. He didn‛t like the look of it. They argued until Rick solved the problem by telling Chris that it was the only way to keep bugs out of his teeth. Chris reluctantly agreed at that point.

Rick made a note on a clipboard. "So, if he‛s your bitch, who‛s this guy?" He pointed at Johnny.

"I‛m his physical therapist." Johnny glared with his hands on his hips. "If this trike isn‛t right, he can‛t have it."

"Johnny, stop being an asshole." Toby saw by Chris‛s eyes that Johnny was pushing too hard. "What else besides a windshield? We got foot rests with the velcro straps for his legs. The seat is perfect, and the handlebars were custom placed so he won‛t overstress his back."

Johnny circled it again. "A cupholder?"

Toby and Chris laughed. Rick didn‛t. "I‛ll deliver it next week."

"Good enough." Johnny suddenly smiled. "I should get a helmet too."

Chris suggested that Johnny could stuff it up his ass, and Toby tried not to laugh. Rick had them push the trike back into the workshop. It was a handsome piece of machinery, and they swore it was stable, but Toby wanted Chris to take lessons. He‛d refused, of course. He had taken it around the track without any trouble. Toby could only wonder if Chris‛s body remembered how to ride.

"Don‛t worry, Toby. Chris is a natural rider. You just hang on tight." Rick grinned.

"Thanks," Toby snarled. He caught Chris‛s smirk. Finally finished, they took the van back to the house. Chris talked non-stop about the trike, and Toby had to interrupt him, "Johnny, I think he‛s happy."

"Yeah. It‛s kinda freaky." Johnny parked outside the house. "I‛m outta here. I got a date. Call me."

Chris and Toby waved goodbye. Toby hopped on the back of the wheelchair and let Chris struggle to get them up the driveway. "How‛s the test going, Chris?"

Chris grunted and gave a last shove to put them on the sidewalk that led to the deck. Toby got off and sat down to relax a minute. He‛d ask Holly how it was going. Chris wasn‛t talking about it, which could mean anything.

"Some tea?" Janet opened the door and looked out at them. They both thanked her, and she delivered two glasses. "How‛s the trike?"

Chris smiled and told her how cool it was. Toby didn‛t interrupt this time.

"I should get the first ride. I made cake." She smiled. "Oh, Toby, your mom is looking for you, and Chris, Holly said to meet her in the computer room."

"Shit," Toby whispered. "Want to trade?"

Chris told him no and rolled away. Toby groaned and got up. Since Angus had come back, his mother had picked up a fresh head of steam. Toby began to think it was time for this summer vacation to end. Chris could go home to Johnny and forget about Toby‛s mother. Maybe that way Chris wouldn‛t leave him. The thought made his throat clog. He was not losing Chris again. They‛d fallen too far together.

*********

Chris smelled coffee, and he wanted it, that‛s why he got up. He didn‛t bother with a shirt, but he found his shorts at the end of the bed and put them on. His chair was right where he‛d left it, and he glared at it briefly before scooting over to it. The bed wasn‛t high enough for an easy slide, but he wasn‛t going to bitch. His back seemed stronger, but his legs were still mush, and he thought it might be easier to bear if he could scream curses at God. Toby was the only one that understood that, and Chris made a noise because he could.

‟You up?‟

Chris placed his hands on the handles and got ready to push himself up so he could twist and fall into the seat. His legs weren‛t strong enough to be much help. He made sure the foot flaps were up and grunted as he moved into it. When he could, he winked at Toby.

‟You never told me how hard that is.‟ Toby hadn‛t tried to help, and Chris didn‛t want it unless it was needed. Chris was grateful that Toby knew that without yapping about it.

‟Chris, isn‛t there an easier way?‟

Chris almost didn‛t answer. He hated talking about his legs. Toby took him by the chin and kissed him. Chris tugged Toby‛s hair and explained about the bed.

‟Well, shit! You should have said something. I‛m such a moron.‟ Toby kissed him again. ‟You have to boss me around. Tell me what to do!‟

Chris laughed. He shook his head and headed for the coffee. It wasn‛t until he got out to the kitchen that he remembered the house was full of people. He turned on his wheels and went back for real clothes. There was no way he was facing Toby‛s mother in nothing but shorts.

Toby raised his eyebrows. ‟I‛ll get you some coffee and come help you get dressed. Okay?‟

Chris didn‛t need help, but since he‛d spent the night alone, again, he was willing to accept it. He opened a drawer in the dresser and found a blue T-shirt. By the time his head popped out, Toby was standing there with coffee. Chris took it and sipped. He needed it. He felt tired, and he didn‛t like it.

‟You can keep the shorts. I like them.‟ Toby leaned, knelt, and licked Chris‛s thighs. ‟Yeah. I do.‟

Chris smiled and touched him. Toby‛s skin felt so good, so right. Toby crawled right in Chris‛s lap and hugged him around the waist. ‟Missed you last night.‟

Chris hadn‛t like it, but he wasn‛t going to say so, but only because he thought Toby felt the same. Yesterday had mostly sucked, except for when they‛d gone to the movies with the kids. Chris asked about them.

‟They‛re still asleep. Hungry? Janet made breakfast.‟ Toby tugged him down and kissed him again. Chris made sure not to spill the coffee on him. He liked Janet. She was nice and a good cook, and she never looked at him with sad eyes that were an insult. He wiggled his toes and decided against socks and shoes. It was the summer. Making the sign for breakfast, he groaned softly when Toby got to his feet. Some fucking around would be good. They hadn‛t had a chance since Angus had shown up again.

‟Tonight, I‛m sneaking in here.‟ Toby licked his lower lip. ‟I‛ll take your shorts off with my teeth.‟

Chris gave him a thumbs up and started for the kitchen again. Toby went with him. They sat together at the table, and Chris found himself staring at Toby more than eating. They‛d been out here a while, and every moment with Toby was better than nice. Chris didn‛t want to leave, and it scared him.

‟Weights this morning?‟

Chris said yes. He had to get back at it.

‟Boston is creeping up on us.‟ Toby caught Chris‛s hand and squeezed it. ‟You‛ll be ready.‟

Chris hoped so. He didn‛t feel like doing much of anything today. From the sink, Janet said, ‟Eat up. You two will need your energy.‟

Toby smiled, and Chris sipped his coffee. He‛d need it to get moving.

*********

Toby waited until Chris was busy with the weights before making the call. ‟Johnny, how high is the top of Chris‛s mattress from the floor?‟

‟Who the fuck is this?‟ Johnny paused. ‟Oh, it‛s you. Uh, I don‛t know.‟

‟Could you measure?‟ Toby tried to sound patient. He listened to Johnny grumble and open drawers and finally got an answer. ‟Measure again to be sure.‟

‟I‛m sure! What the hell is the problem?‟

‟There isn‛t one. Thanks, and have some coffee.‟ Toby hung up. He went in Chris‛s bedroom and measured the difference. ‟I‛m going to need help.‟ He didn‛t let that stop him. Angus was here, and he was willing to go with Toby in the SUV. ‟Hey, Chris, I‛m going out. Call me if you want to murder my mother.‟

Chris gave a thumbs up. Toby let Angus drive. ‟Seriously, let‛s hurry.‟

‟Good idea.‟ Angus laughed though, and Toby smiled. They got what they needed and headed back, fully loaded. Chris was having lunch with the kids, and his eyebrows went up when they traipsed through with a mattress, and then another. Toby nearly laughed at the expression on Chris‛s face.

Holly laughed. ‟Like the Princess and the Pea!‟

Toby wrestled everything into place and then made the bed again. When he finished, Chris was watching from the doorway. ‟Better?‟

Chris said yes and thank you, and Toby shut the door before kissing him. ‟You seem warm. Are you feeling okay?‟

Chris didn‛t answer. He stole another kiss and then went back to his lunch. Toby was hungry from hauling so he joined them. It was long after lunch, when he took the kids to camp, and they made a production out of leaving. Holly actually crawled in Chris‛s lap and they signed for a good five minutes. Toby‛s eyes had crossed trying to translate as their hands flew fast. Some of those signs had to be made up. Chris hugged her goodbye, and Toby quizzed her about it once they were in the car.

"What were you and Chris talking about?"

Holly bit her lip. She was stalling. "Stuff."

"Stuff I should know about?" Toby pushed a little harder.

"Not really. Because of Chris‛s reading disability, he can take the test orally, and there are a lot of big words. He‛s worried that he‛s too stupid, and you‛ll never let it out of the garage if he fails."

Toby had said that. He glanced over his shoulder at her. "You told him that he can do it, right?"

"Yes. He can. I have to go with him to translate. That‛s allowed." Holly sighed. "Grandma told him that it was a fool‛s idea and he should stick with his wheelchair."

Harry spoke up. "It wasn‛t very nice. Grandma doesn‛t like Chris. We can‛t figure it out."

Toby forced his hands to relax against the steering wheel. He was not going to hurt anyone or yell and curse. "Neither can I. She‛ll come around. She loves us."

The kids said nothing, and Toby was glad. He kissed them about a thousand times before letting them go with a camp counselor. They went to this camp every summer, and they liked it, but he hadn‛t arranged for it, and he wasn‛t sure he wanted to turn them loose.

"Mr. Beecher?"

Toby nodded. "It‛s safe here, right?"

"Perfectly. They‛ll have a great time. Come pick them up next Saturday, same time." The camp coordinator moved on to the next parent that seemed to have trouble leaving. Toby got back in his car and drove to the lake house. He wanted to ball his mother out, but instead he went to find Chris. Chris was down at the dock. He didn‛t even smile when Toby sat down next to him.

"Chris, you can do it. I know you can." Toby didn‛t touch him, not yet. Chris shrugged and said that he wasn‛t worried, but they both knew that was a lie. Toby got to his feet. "I‛m going to go throw my mother out. Ignore the yelling, okay?"

Chris grabbed him by the wrist. It wasn‛t gentle. Toby dropped to one knee. "Tell me what you want."

Chris told him not to do it. They didn‛t have much time left, and Chris didn‛t want to spend it with him upset about his mother. Chris thought Toby should be damn grateful that he had a mother and shut up about the rest of it. Toby didn‛t like hearing it. He was supposed to let his mother treat Chris like shit, and why? Because she was his mother.

"Fuck that. You hear me? Fuck that!"

Chris narrowed his eyes and shook his head. He signed that he‛d rather go live with Johnny if Toby was going to act like an ass. Toby stood up fast. He was furious, and he didn‛t like it. "You think she‛s right, and I‛m supposed to go along with it. Well, she‛s damn wrong, and so are you!"

Chris told him to shut up. Toby nearly hit him, but Chris didn‛t look angry. He looked tired and disgusted. Toby throttled down his temper. "You‛re everything to me, and if you want me to let it slide, I will, but she‛s wrong!"

You love me too much. My guess is you always have.

Toby stared down at him. That might be true. "And you? What about you?"

Chris put his head in his hands. That was enough of an answer. Toby sat down again with a groan. "Chris, I hate fighting with you. You‛re not stupid, and you‛ll prove it to yourself at some point. I‛ll just hang out until it happens."

"Tobias, I need you for a moment!" It was his mother. Chris told him to leave. Toby kissed those stubborn lips before going up to his mother. She smiled. "Company has dropped by. We need you up at the house."

Toby bit his lip hard and measured his words carefully. "Mother, I‛m not playing that game tonight."

"It‛s only polite." She started walking for the house, and he went with her.

"I love you so much, but when you hurt Chris, you hurt me." Toby stopped and rubbed his face. He felt as if he‛d been kicked in the balls. "Don‛t. Not him. He‛s too fragile."

"He‛s a killer."

Toby nodded. "And he‛s my lover. Please. Just. Don‛t."

She left him then, and he wanted to crawl in a hole.

"Are you coming inside?" Angus asked.

"No." Toby went back down to the dock. Chris hadn‛t moved. Toby stood next to him. "Dinner?"

Chris shook his head and said he wasn‛t hungry. Toby was familiar with guilt. He searched for something to say, but gave up and kissed him.

I need a shower, and then I‛m going to bed - Chris signed. He didn‛t really look at him. Toby wasn‛t going to stand there and argue like a damn fool. He nodded and walked with him back to the house. They went inside by way of the deck door. Chris went straight for his room.

"He okay?" Angus asked softly.

"I don‛t know." Toby wasn‛t going to glare at his mother. "Mother spoke to him."

"Oh." Angus shuffled his feet. "Gotta give that time, Toby."

Toby nodded, but they were about out of time. Chris was going to go home, and Toby was afraid that would be the end of it. He distinctly heard the rattle of ice and the sound of whiskey being poured over it, and he rubbed his mouth.

"Come eat, son," Victoria said.

Toby sat down and forced his hands into his lap. He would not drink, and he would not make snap decisions that always led to bad places. Slowly, he took a breath. The sound of Chris falling, hitting the floor echoed back into his ears, and he blinked in shock.

"Toby, what‛s wrong?" Angus patted Toby‛s face. Toby got up fast, ran to the closest bathroom, and threw up. He sagged back, leaning against Chris‛s empty wheelchair. It took a moment before he realized that Chris was staring at him.

"Sorry. I had to puke." Toby got up shakily and rinsed out his mouth. He spat and leaned against the sink. Chris had fallen so hard. Toby saw it all again in the mirror, and he breathed through his mouth, trying to catch his breath.

"Obe?"

Toby wiped his face with a wet hand towel. "I‛m okay. I ... can‛t argue with you. I see you falling again, and it nearly kills me. Whatever you want, we‛ll do. You want me to call Johnny to come get you, I will. I will." He knew he was close to sobbing.

Chris got out of the shower and into his chair. He pulled Toby down onto him. It was wet. Toby grabbed a towel and put it around him. Chris held him for one second and then told him to relax. Everything was fine. Toby didn‛t believe it.

"Sorry. I don‛t mean to scare you." Toby did love him too much, but it was a good thing, not a bad thing, damn it.

Chris wiped Toby‛s face again. They held each other until Toby felt him shiver. Toby dried him and helped him to bed. Chris thanked him and told him not to worry. Toby nearly laughed. He could see that Chris was tired.

"Can I sneak in later?" Toby asked and kissed him.

Chris tugged his shorts and grinned. Toby sighed with relief. He did sometimes blow things out of proportion. Maybe it wasn‛t as bad as he thought. Maybe. He shut off the light and went to the kitchen. Janet gave him a smile. She was cleaning, and he helped because it was something to do, and there was nothing he could do about his mother.

"He looks tired."

"I know." Toby was more worried now that she‛d noticed it. "I‛ll watch him."

"No doubt about that." Janet raised her eyebrows. "You should eat."

Toby shrugged. He didn‛t want food. He wanted scotch, so he was better off with nothing. "Tomorrow is a new day."

"Nice how that always happens."

When the house was quiet, the lights off, and everyone in bed, Toby went to Chris‛s room to see about those shorts. Chris was asleep, and Toby crawled up next to him. Toby waited for him to wake up, but he didn‛t.

‟Damn,‟ Toby whispered. He smoothed his hand over Chris‛s forehead and frowned. Chris did feel hot, and Toby settled in next to him. They‛d sleep together tonight, in case Chris needed something. His mother could deal with it.

*********

Chris was glad that Toby was close. Toby felt good. Chris touched him. He‛d been so upset and all because his mother had bad-mouthed him. Chris was stupid. She was right to want him gone. Toby was too much in love to see it. He‛d puked from it.

"You okay?"

Chris nodded and tried to go back to sleep. He would worry about this crap later. Right now, he wanted to hold him.

*********

Toby felt Chris‛s forehead and heard him sniff. Chris was sick. It was obvious now. Holly had had this cold, and she‛d shaken it off in a couple of days. Chris would too. Toby made him stay in bed and took him some breakfast.

"Eat. Rest. I‛ll be close." Toby watched him take the Tylenol. Chris looked mad, so Toby went out to the kitchen. His mother and Angus were having breakfast also. Toby got some coffee and joined them. "Chris is sick."

"Will he miss the race?" Angus looked concerned.

"I don‛t think so. Holly beat this fast. Chris will too." Toby got out his cell phone. "But I have to call Marsha, and if you tell her we were swimming, she‛ll kill me."

"I was thinking about heading back to the city." Angus pushed his eggs around. "Work tomorrow."

Toby thought that was a good idea. His mother sighed. "I don‛t want to be sick. I‛ll go as well. The summer is mostly over."

Toby thanked God for answering that prayer. "Good idea. One sick person in the family is enough."

Victoria raised her eyebrows. "Christopher isn‛t family."

Angus wiped his mouth. "I‛m going to go pack." He practically ran upstairs - the coward. Toby shrugged and drank his coffee. He had toyed with telling her some of the truth for days now, and it was time.

"Mother, the only reason that I‛m not in prison, or dead, is sick right now." Toby spoke quietly.

His mother frowned. "He‛s the reason you spent time at Rikers!"

Toby caught her eyes. "I did that. It was my mistake, but I‛m talking about the young man who killed Gary. Remember him?"

"Of course, but you had nothing ..." Her voice trailed off and her eyes widened.

"Chris took the rap for me. He confessed to killing him so the Aryans wouldn‛t kill me." Toby kept his hands around his coffee cup. "Chris and I, well, we made mistakes, but when push came to shove-" He swallowed hard. "Chris was always there for me. I know you don‛t approve, and I respect that, but I want you to respect my wishes also."

Victoria sighed. "Angus told me about Winthrop." She hesitated. "I‛m going to go pack. I‛ll see you in the city. Soon, I hope."

Toby was tired of beating his head against a wall. He shrugged and tried to eat a little. Maybe she was getting the idea that Chris was here to stay. He hoped so.

"Chris‛s temperature is a hundred and one." Janet refilled Toby‛s coffee. "Marsha will ask."

"Shit." Toby went to get the phone.

*********

Chris yanked his wheelchair closer. He had to get out of this damn bedroom.

"What the hell are you doing?"

Chris made it into his wheelchair, but it was close. His legs were so much worse than usual. He rolled to the door, threw it open, and went to the kitchen to stare out at the deck, putting his hand against the glass.

"Don‛t even think you‛re going outside. Marsha will kill me!" Toby was close, and Chris could see their reflections in the glass. They both looked tired. He wasn‛t going out, but he wanted to, being inside all day sucked. There was a word for this at prison, but he couldn‛t remember it. Rubbing his face, he asked where Janet was.

"I sent her home with her last paycheck and a big bonus. She filled the fridge before she left. It‛s just you and me." Toby put his hand on Chris‛s shoulder. "It‛s okay. You‛re not in a cell."

Chris snorted. Yes, yes he was. He felt as if his skin were too tight.

"The trike is coming in two days. Get well, and we‛ll go for a long ride."

Chris snapped out his answer. Toby laughed softly. "I‛m always amazed that you manage to sound irritated in sign language. No, you don‛t have your license, but I don‛t think anyone will notice out here - as long as we don‛t crash."

Chris tried to take a deep breath, coughed, and then pulled Toby close and apologized.

Toby held him. "It‛s okay. I know you hate being sick. Come on. Let‛s watch TV. You want something to drink?"

Chris told him no, but was willing to go watch TV on the sofa. Toby helped him get comfortable and then got him a blanket. Chris pulled him close and said - I wasn‛t very nice to you about your mother. You can kick me out if you want.

"My mother wasn‛t nice to you. As far as I‛m concerned, she started it." Toby found a spot close to him and put his hand on Chris‛s arm. "Let‛s work our way through it. I‛m not quitting. Are you?"

Chris inched closer. He needed more touch.

*********

Toby scooted so they could cuddle. Chris needed it. He was strong, stubborn, and a smartass, but he was also needy, insecure, and full of doubt. They were a match forged in hell and unlikely to get in heaven. God had more than enough balls to keep them out, but Toby didn‛t care if they went to hell, as long as they were together. He found some sports for them to watch, and Chris fell asleep.

"Get well, Chris."

********

‟I‛m sorry, Chris, but you‛re too sick.‟ Marsha pulled that thing off her ears. ‟Your lungs are clogged as bad as my toilet. We‛re taking you to the hospital for x-rays and an IV, for starters.‟

Chris tried to protest, but nothing came out but a terrible cough. He was sick. It was stupid, but true. There would be no race for him in Boston. Fuck. It was what he did well, and he couldn‛t do it. He wanted to hit something, but he was too tired.

‟What‛s the diagnosis, Doc?‟ Toby asked from the doorway.

‟Get him packed. He‛s headed to the hospital and then Johnny‛s.‟ Marsha glared at them both. ‟No arguments. I gave you a break a couple of days ago, but you‛re worse.‟

Toby started grabbing bags out of the closet. ‟Shit. I should‛ve just brought him.‟

‟Yeah. Probably. Asshole.‟ Marsha went to the bathroom. ‟Chris, did you take your meds?‟

Chris coughed. He didn‛t think he had, but he might‛ve.

‟Never mind. I can count. Did you think you were getting better? God save me from idiots who think they can stop their meds before I say so!‟

Chris shut his eyes. She‛d yell the rest of the day, but he was too tired to care and his lungs hurt when he tried to breathe deep.

‟No race for him,‟ Toby said softly.

‟Toby, don‛t forget this. Chris doesn‛t like to take his meds. You have to make him, and his immune system isn‛t quite what it should be. We‛ve gone from a cold to a bad case of pneumonia in no time flat!‟ Marsha was loud. ‟You should‛ve seen how long it took me to get rid of his bedsores!‟

Chris winced. She was going at it now. Toby said, ‟Yes, ma‛am. Your car or mine?‟

‟Mine for him. You drive your own.‟ She put her hand on Chris‛s forehead. ‟Come on, Chris. You‛ll feel better in the hospital.‟

Chris let her drag him up and put him in the wheelchair. She took him out to the car, under a blanket. Toby gave a huge grunt and got him in the back seat. Chris held him an extra second, not wanting to let go. 

‟Obe.‟

‟I‛ll be right behind you. I promise.‟ Toby buckled him, tucked the blanket tight, and shut the door. The lucky bastard got to ride in a car without an angry doctor in it. Chris sighed and leaned against the door. He‛d try to sleep. Maybe she‛d yell less.

**********

Toby fumbled his key into the front door. He shut it quietly and headed upstairs. It was very early in the morning, and he didn‛t want to wake whoever was home.

‟Tobias?‟

Toby groaned softly and detoured into the living room. ‟Good morning, Mother. You‛re up early.‟

‟You are too. What‛s going on?‟

‟Chris is in the hospital.‟ Toby sat down with a thump, leaning back. He was more than tired. Chris and Marsha had worn him out between the arguing and the medical procedures. Marsha had insisted on a catheter, and Chris had been angry - to say the least. Toby had spent the night refereeing and trying to help him get more comfortable. ‟I spent the night there.‟

‟Your cell phone didn‛t answer. I was worried.‟ She frowned.

Toby had no idea where he‛d left it, but probably at the lake house. He didn‛t feel guilty. Chris had needed him. ‟He has pneumonia. Marsha yelled until my ears ached.‟

His mother looked sympathetic. ‟I‛m sure he‛ll be fine. She seems like a good doctor.‟

‟She‛s excellent. I never doubted that.‟ Toby rubbed his thighs. He wondered where this conversation was going. ‟I‛m going to sleep a few and then head back.‟

‟Tobias,‟ his mother said softly, ‟when are you coming home?‟

Toby tried to make his brain work. ‟I was at the lake house. I spent most of the summer with my kids. I am home.‟

‟Yes, but you‛re finished playing, right?‟ She leaned forward and took him by the hand. ‟Don‛t you think it‛s time you find a wife and settle down?‟

Toby clicked his jaw shut. He should‛ve guessed, but now that they were here, it was time to make sure she understood how things were going to be in the future. He‛d had plenty of time to think in the hospital after Chris had fallen asleep, and it was time to take a firmer stand with his mother. He was going to have to be blunt about it.

‟Mother, I‛m gay. I guess. I thought you understood that I love Chris. Even the kids know it. From now on, I want to be with Chris and my children.‟

She sighed heavily. ‟Please, Tobias. Think this through and make the best decision for your entire family. The children need a mother, not another father, especially one like him.‟

‟An ex-con? A disabled man? What is he that upsets you?‟ Toby asked softly. He loved his mother, but he wasn‛t going to live his life for her.

‟He can‛t help you raise your children, and I refuse to believe you‛re gay. You‛re confused. You have been since prison.‟ She raised her chin now, insisting in her quiet way. ‟I have several lovely ladies picked out that you can chose from. Angus will be married soon. We can have a big family again.‟

Toby took a harsh breath and felt squeezed between two people that he loved. ‟Mother, I love Chris. I have for years. I‛m going to spend my life with him. I threw him away once, and I‛ll be damned if I‛ll do it again. I went to all your dinner parties, but that‛s over. I‛m not going to pretend any longer.‟

His mother stood. ‟And do you think I‛ll let you put your children in that environment?‟

‟I don‛t know. I‛d like to think that after all the years I lost, that you‛d let me have what‛s left.‟ Toby got to his feet, his shoulders slumped. He was too tired, and he didn‛t know what his mother would do. ‟I love you, Mother.‟

She turned and left him. He trudged up the stairs, took a fast shower, and set his alarm for noon. He‛d deal with it again when he got up.

*********

Chris stared down at his lunch tray before pushing it away. He wasn‛t hungry. Being in the hospital sucked, and he wanted to hurt people, but he wouldn‛t. He‛d lie here and cough his brains out.

‟Chris?‟ There was a knock on the door.

Chris tried for a soft whistle, and Toby came inside, smiling. He looked so good, and Chris reached for him. Toby hugged him, and Chris shut his eyes to feel it all the way to his bones.

‟You have to eat, Chris.‟ Toby adjusted the bed so Chris was more upright. ‟Not hungry?‟

Signing no, Chris kept hold of Toby‛s hand. Toby pulled the tray back close. ‟What the hell is that stuff?‟

Chris shrugged. He had no idea, and he wasn‛t eating it. Toby sighed. ‟Drink the tea, okay?‟ He put some sugar in it. ‟Did you sleep?‟

He had slept some last night. He hated the IV in his arm, and there wasn‛t a bad enough word for what was going on with his dick. Quickly, he made the sign for race. Toby took Chris‛s hand and squeezed.

‟I know it sucks, but by the time you get well, it‛ll be over, and that‛s the last race of the season on the East Coast. We could try California, but we‛d have to fly.‟

Chris didn‛t think that was a good idea. He groaned, took a sip, and settled back, but he didn‛t turn loose of him. It did suck, and he was pissed, and there was nothing he could do about it. He told Toby that Johnny had been here earlier.

‟I bet he‛s gonna beat the shit out of me.‟ Toby helped Chris drink some more tea. ‟I‛m not a doctor is my only defense.‟

‟No, you‛re a moron,‟ Marsha said as she came into the room fast. ‟That‛s why he‛s going to hit you. I gave him permission.‟

‟How nice.‟ Toby groaned. ‟My mother and now you two.‟ He stepped out of Marsha‛s way. ‟I don‛t care what you do to me! I love him, and I‛m not walking away!‟

Chris blinked up at him in surprise. Toby was angry. His mother had done it again. Chris gave Toby‛s hand a squeeze. Toby loved him and was willing to yell about it.

‟Settle down. No one‛s asking you to leave. Well, we‛re not. Chris is very ill, and you should have brought him to the city sooner,‟ Marsha said.

‟I thought he was taking his medications,‟ Toby grumbled.

‟And that‛s my fault. I forgot what a terrible patient he is.‟ Marsha glared at Chris, and he wanted to hit someone too. Everyone was mad at Toby, and he didn‛t deserve it. Chris told Marsha to be nicer to Toby. She raised her eyebrows. ‟Get out, Toby. I have to examine him.‟

‟Okay. I‛ll be right outside.‟

Chris watched him go. Marsha pulled the covers down and started doing her doctor stuff. Chris signed at her until his hands were tired, but she ignored him until she was done.

‟You‛re not any worse. That‛s something. I told the nurses not to leave the room until you swallow the meds.‟ She frowned. ‟I like Toby. He can be an asswipe, but so can you. Johnny likes him too, but I ain‛t touching the mother thing. Now. You rest. I‛ll be back early in the morning.‟

Chris sighed. ‟S‛aree.‟

‟A lovely word for me.‟ She grinned and sat down on the edge of the bed. ‟Anything else?‟

‟Ov u.‟ Chris smiled at her shock. She laughed, and Chris touched her gently on the hand. He might throw things later, but he did love her. She made a few more notes in his chart and then stared at his lunch.

‟Yuck.‟

Chris agreed with that.

‟I‛ll ask them to bring you something good. Wait, are you even hungry?‟

Chris shook his head. He wasn‛t. He was too tired from coughing. She checked his IV. ‟Figures. The IV is feeding you. Well, drink lots of fluids.‟

He pointed at the door, and she went out with a wave. Toby came back in the door and hugged him again. ‟Sorry. You‛re so sick, you‛re scaring me.‟

Chris scooted over as much as he could, and pulled Toby closer. Toby protested one second, and then gave up to curl next to and on him. Chris wanted to pull him inside his skin, but this would have to be enough. Toby groaned softly, and Chris brushed his hand over Toby‛s eyes. They slept together.

*********

‟Ah, shit.‟

Toby felt Chris‛s slight jerk. They were both awake now. Chris ran his hand across Toby‛s face and kissed him on the forehead. Toby gave him one last hug and sat up. He nearly fell on his ass, but Johnny steadied him.

‟Thanks.‟ Toby went to wash his face. He was still tired, but it was better. Glancing at his watch, he cringed. If he drove fast, he‛d pick up his kids on time. He could dimly hear Johnny talking softly. Toby leaned against the sink and stared at his face. He did have obligations to his family, but he wasn‛t going to walk away from Chris.

‟You feeling okay?‟ Johnny had a small frown on his face.

Toby was surprised to hear honest concern, and then he felt slightly ashamed. Johnny was a good man, and he didn‛t hold grudges. Toby straightened his back. ‟Just a little tired.‟

‟If you even think you‛re getting sick, tell Marsha.‟ Johnny wasn‛t joking. Toby hadn‛t thought of that, but he would now. He nodded and went back to Chris. Chris had the bed more upright, and the TV was on. He had black circles under his eyes, and he looked sick and tired. Toby took him by the hand.

‟I have to go. I‛ll be back,‟ Toby promised. He hated to leave, but he had to get his kids, and they would want an update. ‟Thanks for the shoulder to sleep on.‟

Chris winked at him. He told him that it was fine and to leave. Toby kissed him.

‟Sheesh,‟ Johnny muttered.

Toby had heard enough. ‟You got something against it? I‛ve been listening to your shit since day one, and I‛m sick of it!‟

Chris squeezed Toby‛s hand, but Toby didn‛t back down.

Johnny flushed red. ‟I ain‛t got nothing against being gay or whatever the fuck you two are. It‛s all the damn smooching!‟

Chris began to cough. Toby turned and held him through it, getting him a drink of water when it was over. Chris signed that he loved him. Toby made sure that Chris was comfortable before moving away.

‟I‛ll shut up about it,‟ Johnny muttered. ‟Chris and I just aren‛t naturally happy guys.‟

Toby thought he got it now. It wasn‛t the fact they were men, it was the happiness. Too much could be cloying. ‟Well, I‛ll try to tone it down. We were apart a long time, and I hate it that he‛s sick.‟

‟Me too.‟ Johnny flushed. ‟The last part. Not the first.‟

Chris made a sound like his laugh but raspier. Toby kissed him again. ‟I‛ll be back.‟ Chris smiled, and Toby managed to walk out the door. Leaving sucked, but he had to go get his kids from camp, and he knew that he was forgetting something important - something big. He hugged them close, 

Driving five over the speed limit, he managed to get there on time. He didn‛t stick around for small talk with the counselors, stuffing them in the car and heading for home.

"How‛s Chris?" Holly frowned. "You look tired."

Toby sighed. "Chris is in the hospital with pneumonia. I‛m a little tired, and do either of you know what I‛m forgetting?"

They exchanged confused looks. Harry suddenly spoke up. "Angus‛s engagement party is tonight."

Toby drove faster. "Shit."

Holly giggled.

‟All of you need to get upstairs and get changed.‟ Angus smiled in clear relief as soon as they made it in the door. ‟I told Mother that you‛d be on time.‟

Toby controlled his groan and started up the stairs. ‟I wouldn‛t be late.‟

Harry went dashing passed him. ‟Dad! We better get moving!‟

********

Chris woke up with a start when someone came in his room. He rubbed his eyes and then blinked when the light near the door was flicked on.

‟How are you this morning, Chris?‟ Marsha asked and slumped down into the chair next to him. She shut her eyes and leaned her head back. ‟I‛m damn tired. Remember Karl? The big guy with the wild hair? Well, he‛s dead. Very dead.‟ She sighed softly.

Chris wasn‛t surprised. Karl was a bully, and his favorite thing had been tormenting the guys in wheelchairs. Someone had probably shanked him. Marsha seemed to fall asleep, but Chris knew she wasn‛t. She was a good doctor and a good person, and he really did love her. He reached as far as he could, managing to get her hand and hold it gently. She smiled and rested her eyes.

Some time later, the door opened again. ‟Breakfast!‟

Marsha got up instantly. She unwrapped her doctor thing that she always wore and said, ‟Lean up and let me listen.‟

Chris did that. He didn‛t complain about the cold. She had him breathe deep, but he couldn‛t. It hurt, and he coughed. The nurse arranged his breakfast but didn‛t interrupt. Marsha pulled so it was out of her ears. ‟Better, I think. Not much, but some. Take your meds.‟

Chris had a feeling that she meant right now, so he swallowed them. They tasted bad, but he was sick. He hated being sick. It was almost worse than being crippled, and both together sucked big time. He signed that he was better, but she didn‛t look as if she believed him.

‟Eat for me today, Chris.‟ Marsha continued her examination, and he did whatever she said. She finally stepped back with a small grunt. ‟Could be worse.‟

He thought that was good news. Quickly, he asked if he could get up.

She stared in a way that told him what she was going to say. ‟You‛re nuts. The IV stays in, the catheter stays in, and if I see you so much as leaning up too far, I‛ll set the prison dogs on you.‟

Chris winced. He didn‛t think she meant it, since they weren‛t at the prison hospital, but she‛d dated the dog handler so he‛d be good another day or two. He smiled and forced out a word that Toby had helped him practice, ‟A‛sha.‟

She grinned and kissed him on the forehead. ‟Wow, you‛re a charmer. I‛d marry you if you were uglier. Okay, eat, rest, and then rest some more, and Chris, if I catch Toby in this bed with you, I‛ll have security keep him out of the hospital.‟

Chris‛s eyes widened. He could tell she meant that, and Johnny had a big mouth. Chris would talk to him about it later.

‟You don‛t want Toby to get sick, do you?‟ Marsha tucked the blankets around him. ‟Just not in the bed, please.‟

Chris agreed to be a good boy. He didn‛t want Toby sick. That would be awful. It was probably those damn germs that Marsha talked about all the time. Whatever the hell they were, they were bad.

‟Nurse, get him cleaned up after he eats.‟ Marsha winked at him. ‟I‛m going home to sleep three hours before I go back to work.‟

Chris patted the bed. She glared and then laughed and was gone out the door in her usual rush. He smiled after her, and the phone rang. The nurse answered it and handed it to him.

‟Chris, how are you?‟

Chris coughed in the phone. Toby was being stupid today.

‟Yeah. You‛re sick. Listen, I completely forgot about my brother‛s wedding. Why they‛re rushing is a mystery, but I‛m going to be doing wedding crap.‟ Toby sounded upset. ‟I‛ll be in when I can.‟

Chris wished that now was good. He whistled softly into the phone. Toby laughed. ‟Thanks for that. I love you. Don‛t forget, okay?‟

‟S‛oay,‟ Chris croaked - his voice much worse than usual. He wished he could tell Toby not to worry.

Toby groaned loudly. ‟I gotta run. Bye.‟

Chris handed her the phone back and signed his thanks. She didn‛t get it, but that wasn‛t his fault. He had to face his breakfast now. Marsha had told him to eat. He wanted to groan. The nurse smiled at him.

‟Try the pancakes.‟

He nodded for her. Toby would get here when he could. Chris had to get well and go home.

********

Toby straightened his tie and gave his brother a glare that would go unnoticed. A wedding was one thing, but this seemed more like a grand conspiracy to keep him away from Chris and throw him at any number of bridesmaids - none of them looked good in puce.

‟How‛s my best man?‟

Toby shrugged and went to sit down. The rehearsal wasn‛t for another hour. He picked a piece of lint off his trousers and settled in to wait. It was what he‛d been doing lately.

"Why the rush?" he asked casually.

Angus bit his lower lip and looked away. "Mother insisted. It‛s costing a small fortune, but she‛s footing the bill."

Toby knew there was more to it than that. "And?"

"She‛s pregnant. Two weeks along." Angus rubbed his face.

"I hate to sound cynical, but isn‛t it early to know? Genevieve never knew until it was two months along." Toby thought Angus was being manipulated, but it really wasn‛t any of his business. They were both adults.

Angus frowned. "She‛s regular, so she checked." He sighed heavily. "We weren‛t waiting much longer anyhow."

Toby smiled. He had to, but he wasn‛t feeling it. "Congratulations. You‛ll enjoy being a father."

"I know I will. I love your kids." Angus adjusted his tie, shrugging his shoulders. "I know Mother‛s been pushing you hard."

"No shit," Toby said dryly. "She‛ll come around, eventually." He wasn‛t going to hold his breath for it, but it‛d happen. She didn‛t have a choice.

‟You really love him, don‛t you?‟ Angus sounded perplexed.

‟Well, yeah!‟ Toby thought he‛d never heard a dumber question. ‟He finally gets to leave the hospital, and I can‛t even see him.‟ He knew he was precariously close to pouting. He‛d spent the last week running back and forth, but now he locked down tight. It‛d be several days before he was able to see him, and it sucked.

Angus sat down next to him. ‟So, bring him to the wedding.‟

‟He‛s been too ill. Marsha would kill me, and I don‛t even want to think about Mother,‟ Toby said with a groan. It was impossible. ‟He‛d hate it anyway.‟

Angus smiled. ‟Do you like Angie?‟

Toby had avoided talking about her, but this might be the time to offer some advice to his younger brother. ‟Angus, I hope that you find someone that makes your heart ache when you‛re not with them.‟

Angus‛s eyes grew larger. ‟Angie and I are comfortable together. We fit.‟

‟I‛m happy for you.‟ Toby had said the same thing about Genevieve, and they had never satisfied each other. ‟Are you planning on living here?‟

‟We‛d like to.‟ Angus seemed uncomfortable. ‟Mother wants it.‟

Toby made up his mind. He‛d known that he was leaving, but this was the push that would get him out the door. ‟You can have my suite of rooms. I‛ll be out by the time you get back from Paris.‟

Angus frowned. ‟I don‛t want you to move out because of us. Not a little guilt, Toby.‟

‟I‛m moving out for me.‟ Toby patted him on the knee. ‟It‛s time. I may relocate to the lake house or find a place of my own, but I‛m ready.‟

‟Mother is going to have kittens.‟ Angus smiled. ‟And the kids?‟

‟They‛re old enough to choose.‟ Toby took a deep breath. He was going to do this - fall right into Chris‛s lap and life - and he would bear the consequences. ‟Angus, I wish you happiness.‟

********

‟You miss him that much?‟

Chris looked up from the book of letters that he was studying. He made a rude sign or two.

‟One more long, lonely sigh and I‛m rolling your ass out into the hallway!‟ Johnny threw the newspaper at him. Chris went back to his book. He thought he had them, but making his hand do it was hard. Slowly, he followed the lines of a letter with his finger. Signing was much easier. He leaned over and scooped up the newspaper. Impossible. He couldn‛t make heads or tails of it.

‟Upside down.‟ Johnny turned it around for him. ‟How about I‛ll say them, and you write them?‟

Chris wasn‛t sure. He hated to show off how dumb he was, but Johnny was getting paper and pencil. Johnny shut the book, put the paper on top, and handed him the pencil. ‟It‛ll take your brain off banging your boyfriend.‟

Chris punched him in the arm. Johnny rubbed it and glared. ‟I like him, okay? He‛s just rich and I can‛t help but think he‛s going to get bored and walk away.‟

Chris carefully made the letter A. He wasn‛t listening to that shit. Toby loved him. Chris didn‛t know exactly why, but it didn‛t matter. He put the pencil down, covered his mouth like Marsha insisted, and coughed.

‟You better stop that shit, or Marsha will send you back to the hospital.‟

Chris heard that. He sighed again.

‟Remind me never to fall in love.‟

**********

Toby had plenty of time to think it all through, and he made numerous phone calls while he was waiting around for his brother to wise up and run out of the church screaming. It never happened. Angus got married. Toby rubbed his face. He knew a mistake when he saw one.

‟Dad, how‛s Chris doing?‟ Holly asked.

‟He‛s better.‟ Toby pulled her down next to him. ‟He‛s working on his letters, but I think he misses you.‟

Holly smiled. ‟Harry and I think we should all live in the lake house again. It was fun.‟

‟School starts in two weeks.‟ Toby hated to burst her bubble, but it wasn‛t going to happen. He spotted Harry and waved him over to the church pew where they were waiting. It was time to have a family conference. They had hours before the reception. Taking pictures was very dull. ‟Okay, I‛m going to be honest with you. I‛m seriously considering moving out.‟

They exchanged a long look. Harry smirked. ‟Told ya so.‟

‟Shut up, Harry,‟ Holly snapped. ‟You want to live with Chris, don‛t you?‟

Toby rubbed his face again and had no idea what to say. He had to come up with something. Kids these days knew it all, but in some ways, that made it harder. ‟I miss him, but that‛s not possible. However, Angus and Angie are moving in the house, and I‛m giving them the suite.‟

Holly took him by the hand. ‟Where are we moving?‟

Toby kissed her on the forehead for the leap of faith that she‛d just taken without hesitating. ‟There‛s an apartment open in Chris‛s building, but it‛s not very big.‟

Harry snorted. ‟So buy the building.‟

‟I‛m not made of money, son.‟ Toby had thought of that, but Johnny might move out if he caught wind of it. ‟I‛m having a hard time finding a good solution.‟

Holly and Harry smiled. ‟You‛ll get there, Dad. Don‛t worry about us. We‛re with you.‟

Toby hugged them. He was so blessed in his children. ‟Thank you. I love you both.‟

‟Okay! A picture of the entire family!‟

Toby groaned. His kids did too.

********

Chris put on a light jacket and made sure he had his key. He was going to the park. He was well enough to go out, and Marsha hadn‛t said not to, not exactly, and he was going crazy here alone. So alone. Fuck. It hadn‛t felt this awful before he‛d met Toby. Throwing open the door, he pushed hard to get out before it hit him.

‟Whoa. Wait a damn minute!‟ Toby stopped him by grabbing the handles.

Chris let the door hit his wheelchair. He got to his feet as fast as he was able and prayed that Toby would hold him. Toby grabbed him and held on. Chris breathed into Toby‛s neck, ‟Obe.‟

‟Yeah, it‛s me.‟ Toby nuzzled and kissed him. ‟Don‛t fall.‟

Chris made sure where his chair was and sat down heavily. His heart was racing, and he wanted to kiss him forever. Toby grinned, leaned over, and kissed him hard. That was a good start. Toby smiled, pushed the door away, and Chris backed up.

‟No park. It‛s raining, which you know. Marsha would kill you!‟

Chris hadn‛t planned on telling her. He was well. He‛d been working on a new word, and he tried it out. ‟Uck.‟

Toby laughed. ‟Good word. She‛ll be thrilled. How many words is that now?‟

Chris didn‛t know - more than one but not nearly enough. He adjusted his hard dick in his jeans and saw Toby look there. Toby raised his eyebrows. ‟Is Johnny at work?‟

Chris smiled. He was about to get lucky, and man, he needed it - needed Toby.

Toby kissed him again and again. ‟I wish we could live at the lake house, but it‛s not an option. It‛s too far from the city.‟

Chris wished it too, but he knew Marsha would scream her head off. He signed a few things and waited to see what Toby understood.

‟Next summer, yes, and Holly and Harry miss you too.‟ Toby took two steps toward the bedroom. ‟We can talk naked, right?‟

Chris nearly ran him down. They laughed together and worked on clothes and Toby shut the door at some point. Chris tried to touch all of him at once. He was really here.

‟Stupid brother had to get married when you were sick!‟ Toby sounded mad, but Chris knew some of it was a show. Toby loved his brother. Chris had seen it out at the lake house. He kissed, licked, and sucked at all the skin he could get his mouth on, wanting to make Toby gasp and cry out. Toby groaned. ‟Oh, shit. Your mouth!‟

Chris sucked Toby‛s cock deep while smoothing his hands over Toby‛s ass. Toby shoved his hips at him, and Chris wiggled a finger deep.

‟Oh, fuck!‟ Toby dug his hands into Chris‛s shoulders. Chris swallowed and licked until Toby whimpered. That was a beautiful sound. Chris grinned, and Toby rolled them over so he was on top. ‟What should I do for you?‟

Chris thrust his hips up. He didn‛t care, but it needed to be quick. Toby wiggled his ass on Chris‛s dick and kissed him. Chris used his ass muscles to rock up into it. He might be sore tomorrow, but it would be worth it. Toby slid down and sucked him. It felt so good, and Chris shut his eyes, playing with Toby‛s curls.

‟Uck!‟ The word was forced from Chris‛s lips as Toby scooted up and thrust down. Toby made a low growly noise and pushed until they were locked together.

‟Feel good?‟

Chris came from the good. Toby hadn‛t moved, and it didn‛t matter. Chris grabbed Toby‛s chest and came some more. Toby smiled. He inched up and pushed down. And again. Chris bit into his lower lip. His dick was so sensitive, and Toby was killing him with the goodness.

‟Wrap your hands in my ass,‟ Toby whispered. His eyes were half-shut.

Chris did that. Toby‛s ass felt great and he groaned. Chris skidded one hand up Toby‛s body to his face and brushed it across his lips. Toby‛s mouth dropped open and Chris nudged a finger inside. Toby sucked and fucked himself on Chris‛s dick. Chris had never seen anything so sexy in his life. He was sure of it.

‟Oh, damn,‟ Toby mumbled.

Chris slid his wet finger down to Toby‛s nipple and caressed as he did his best to push up harder. Toby gasped and tensed. Chris felt the squeeze around his dick, and they shot come together. Chris pulled him down and kissed him until their lips ached and their tongues were tired.

Toby finally slid off to the side with a long groan. ‟Oh, fuck, I love you.‟

‟Ov u, Obe.‟ Chris hugged him so tight. Toby kissed him and shut his eyes. Chris did the same. They could rest a minute.

*********

‟Chris!‟

Toby jerked awake and got moving, but it was too late. He was standing there naked, searching for his boxers, and Chris was lying on his stomach, half-asleep, when Johnny came through the door.

‟Oh, fuck.‟ Johnny stared for one second and then covered his eyes. ‟I‛m blind! Damn it! I‛m blind!‟

Chris threw a pillow at him. Toby took the opportunity to scoop up his pants and hold them in front of his crotch. ‟Johnny, get the hell out!‟

‟I can‛t. I‛m blind.‟ Johnny laughed. ‟Okay. I‛m gone, but tell me you used a damn condom!‟

Toby opened his mouth to lie, but Chris made several signs that made it a stupid idea. Johnny pointed at him, angry now. ‟Get dressed. I‛ll beat the crap out of you in the living room.‟

Chris groaned at the same time Toby did. Johnny slammed the door. Toby used the connecting door to go to the bathroom. He had to clean up. ‟You could have lied!‟

Chris said nothing. Toby wet a washcloth and went to throw it on him. Chris caught it easily and shrugged. He signed that he didn‛t care. Well, that was easy for him. He wasn‛t the one that Johnny was going to beat up. Toby only got dressed after he was clean enough to not feel like a slut when he left the room.

Chris was struggling into his clothes when Toby came out, and he helped. It was as natural as breathing, and they stole kisses throughout the process. Toby nibbled Chris‛s muscular neck and considered undressing again.

‟All right already!‟ Johnny was back, and Marsha lurked behind him. Toby got Chris‛s chair and watched him get in it. Chris made several rapid signs.

‟I know you missed him, but you should‛ve insisted on a condom!‟ Johnny threw up his hands, and Marsha pushed past him. Toby cringed and waited for it. He hadn‛t thought, and he should have.

‟You are one dumb, dumb, dumbass!‟ Marsha pointed at Toby, not Chris. ‟You infect Chris here, and I will kill you.‟

Toby swallowed hard. He had the feeling that Chris didn‛t understand why they were angry. ‟Marsha, I‛m sorry. Can you settle down a little? Chris doesn‛t get it.‟

Chris frowned and looked from one to the other. Marsha glared. ‟Chris, Toby could have germs or diseases. You and he have to use a condom. I thought you were!‟

Toby watched Chris‛s face and came to a quick conclusion. ‟He doesn‛t know what they are. It‛s my fault. I was ... crazy for him.‟

‟You sure as hell were.‟ Marsha shook her head in disgust. ‟I should‛ve talked to Chris when you two started fooling around, but I thought you were smart! Now, here we are. Toby, I expect test results in my hand at the earliest possible moment. Chris is clean. I tested him twice at the hospital.‟

‟I‛ll do it.‟ Toby felt like an idiot. He had to kiss him. ‟Sorry. I lost my mind.‟

Chris took him by the hand. ‟S‛oay.‟

‟No. It‛s not.‟ Marsha rolled her eyes. ‟Chris, he put your life in danger. Toby, get the hell out. I have to explain some things to my homeboy.‟

Toby made sure he had everything and slunk out the door. He knew Johnny was going to punch him in the face, and he deserved it. They hadn‛t had anal sex until today, and he hadn‛t come prepared, and he was a damn fool.

Johnny pushed his finger at Toby‛s chest. ‟You fucker, how could you risk him like that?‟

‟The risk was minimal.‟ Toby would only say that. He‛d thought that Chris was clean, but he hadn‛t asked Marsha, and he should have, and he also had been a fool not to get tested himself. Johnny‛s fist came flying through the air. Toby didn‛t bother to get out of the way. The wood flooring hurt when he landed, and he lay there an extra second before getting up. His mouth bled and he wiped it off with his shirt.

‟Don‛t you lie to me. You fucked him!‟ Johnny wasn‛t finished, and Toby took this one also, but he was done. He would duck and run next time. His eye started swelling. He held his face and groaned.

‟Shit,‟ Marsha said. ‟I don‛t need another patient. Stop, Johnny. That‛s more than enough.‟

Toby fumbled up to his knees, and Chris was there to steady him. Chris‛s eyes were big and he held onto him. Toby didn‛t know what to say. His brains felt scrambled. Chris skimmed his hand down Toby‛s face.

‟Toby, you need to leave,‟ Johnny said. ‟Don‛t come back until you have a clean HIV test and a pack of condoms.‟

Chris shook his head. He was staring down at the blood on his hand from Toby‛s mouth. Toby had to say something. ‟Sorry, Chris. Marsha, if I am, it‛s a million to one shot that he‛s infected.‟

Marsha crossed her arms. ‟You‛re saying you didn‛t fuck?‟

‟I‛m saying that I didn‛t. He did.‟ Toby managed to stand. His eyes weren‛t twirling any longer. Chris made a sharp sound, and they all looked at him. He rolled to his coat and headed for the door. Toby didn‛t understand, but he went with him.

‟Wait, Chris. What the hell are you doing?‟ Johnny asked.

Chris narrowed his eyes. It was only then that Toby saw the anger. He knew the anger. He dreamed about the anger and the people it had killed. Chris talked with his hands before swallowing hard and croaking, ‟Uck u.‟

Toby blinked. That was clear enough. Chris had just told them to butt out in no uncertain terms. He wouldn‛t be treated like a child. Toby almost held his breath. Chris rolled back to Johnny, stood, and busted him across the mouth, nearly falling down, but managing to get back in his chair. Toby didn‛t even take a step. He was staying out of that.

‟What a bunch of damn idiots,‟ Marsha said.

‟Uh, yeah.‟ Toby needed an ice pack, and it was getting late. He had to get home to his kids. ‟I‛ll get tested.‟

Chris put on his jacket and went to the door. It was clear that he was leaving also. Johnny groaned, shook his head, and got to his feet. ‟Damn. Now that‛s a punch.‟

‟Be glad he didn‛t twist your head around backwards,‟ Toby couldn‛t resist saying. ‟Chris is right. You guys are his friends, not his keepers. I knew Chris was clean because he has a personal physician, and there was very little risk from the type of sex we had, not that it‛s any of your business.‟

Chris opened the door and headed towards the sidewalk. Johnny started cursing, Marsha looked disgusted, and Toby went after him. Chris still looked mad as hell, and Toby wasn‛t sure what to say to him. That anger was dangerous.

Johnny came tearing out the door. He stopped right in front of Chris. ‟Look man, I‛m sorry. It ain‛t none of my business. I just worry. You‛re like a brother to me.‟

Toby leaned against the building, put his hands in his pockets, stared at his feet, and pretended that he wasn‛t listening. His face pounded in time to his heartbeat, but it could wait a minute. He‛d had worse.

‟I know you‛re not some damn baby. I should‛ve knocked, but I‛m only saying sorry one more fucking time!‟

Toby nearly laughed. Chris was tearing Johnny a new one. Toby did feel guilty. He‛d never even thought to get a test, and he was smarter than that.

‟I‛ll butt out. I will. Just be careful.‟

Toby gently touched his face. He got the message that Johnny had delivered with his fist. Because of Chris‛s memory, Toby had to be smarter for the both of them. No more screw-ups. He had to stop being a selfish asshole. It was going to be tough.

‟You stay out in this rain, and Marsha will kill you, and I won‛t be able to save you.‟

Chris gave a grunt, and Toby figured they were finished. Johnny went back inside, without looking at Toby, and Chris rolled to him.

‟Want to go out to dinner?‟

Chris told him what he wanted, and Toby thought he got it all.

‟Good idea. They‛ve missed you.‟ Toby wasn‛t sure about taking Chris home, but Mother could deal with it. Chris managed to get himself in Toby‛s car, and Toby put the wheelchair in the trunk. They didn‛t talk during the drive, and Toby didn‛t push it.

Chris finally touched him on the knee.

‟I‛m sorry too.‟ Toby parked the car in the driveway and leaned over to kiss him. ‟We okay?‟

Chris kissed him hard. That was a yes. Toby brought him the wheelchair but didn‛t dare help him. Toby‛s face hurt bad enough and he knew how hard Chris could hit. They went in the front door together, and Chris put his fingers in his mouth. His piercing whistle produced the sound of running feet upstairs. Toby smiled and went to find an ice pack, trusting that his children would look after Chris.

*********

Chris was glad that his hands weren‛t shaking any longer. He‛d never been so angry, and he knew deep in his gut that this anger had killed people. Hell, he‛d wanted to kill Johnny for daring to hurt Toby. Toby hadn‛t deserved that! Chris nearly growled. He hadn‛t understood everything that Marsha had said, but Chris knew that Toby wouldn‛t make him sick. That was stupid. They were good together.

‟Chris!‟ Harry about rolled down the stairs. He laughed, and Chris nearly fell out of his chair from shock when Harry hugged him. ‟I missed you!‟

Holly giggled and thrust herself into the pile. Chris held them both and tried to understand how he could be so lucky.

‟Angus got married! And it was the most boring thing of my life!‟ Harry grinned. ‟Where‛s Dad?‟

Chris pointed off the way Toby had gone. Holly kissed Chris on the cheek. ‟It was so dull that I nearly passed out. We wanted you to come, but Dad said you were too sick. Are you better?‟

Chris told her that he was, and she smiled. He spotted Victoria out of the corner of his eye but didn‛t look at her. She didn‛t like him, and he thought he knew why. It was bad enough that he was stupid, but she wanted Toby to marry a woman, and Chris stood in the way of that. He wasn‛t rolling away either. She could forget it. Toby would make up his own mind.

‟Dad! What happened to your face?‟ Harry‛s eyes were wide.

Chris waited to hear what Toby would come up with - the truth wasn‛t nice.

‟Had some trouble with a guy, but Chris took care of him.‟

The kids gasped and wowed, and now Victoria hurried over. ‟Tobias, let me look. Do you think you need a doctor?‟

Chris nearly laughed at Toby‛s smile. Marsha had said nothing, so Toby was fine, and he knew it. Toby shrugged. ‟I‛ll be okay in a week or two.‟

Chris rolled slightly back so they could make a fuss over him. Toby picked at his bloody shirt. ‟I‛m going to go take a quick shower. Kids, can you entertain Chris while I‛m gone?‟

‟Video games!‟ Harry shouted. Holly gave her dad a hug, and Chris let Harry give him a tour of the bottom floor of the house. Toby had gone upstairs to shower. He must live up there. Chris tried not to think about it. He had been lonely, and now that Toby was back, Chris didn‛t want to let him go. Not even for a night and Chris wondered if that made him a pussy. Guys on TV always acted as if they didn‛t need anyone else, and Chris needed Toby. Needed him bad.

‟You look sad, Chris,‟ Holly said as they settled into the den. Chris didn‛t know how old Holly was, but he thought that telling her the truth wouldn‛t hurt. He explained that he‛d missed Toby.

‟And being sick is hard.‟ She frowned. ‟You look skinnier. Sorry you missed your last race.‟

Chris agreed with that. He was sorry too. Harry gave him a controller, and they started a game. Holly didn‛t let that stop her. She talked to him anyway, and he paused the game once or twice to answer her. He relaxed slightly. This was like being at the lake house. He could do this. When he felt a prickle on his neck, he knew that Victoria was staring at him. He didn‛t turn to look at her. The anger was gone, and he didn‛t want it back.

‟Grandma, can Chris stay for dinner?‟ Holly asked.

Victoria hesitated a long moment. ‟He‛s your father‛s guest.‟

Chris didn‛t have any trouble understanding that. She wanted him gone. Well, tonight, that was too damn bad. He was going to be with Toby and his kids. Tomorrow, he‛d go back to being alone.

*********

Toby put the kids to bed before going down to meet Chris on the sofa in the den. Hopefully, Chris had had a good time tonight. Chris instantly looked when Toby walked through the door. Toby smiled and sat down next to him. ‟Just us now.‟

Chris licked his lips and grinned. His hands moved and Toby kissed him instead of listening. Toby laughed softly right on Chris‛s lips. ‟Chris, the kids and I are moving out. We want to be close to you. Is that okay?‟

Chris blinked. He seemed to take a deep breath, and he pulled Toby tight against him. ‟Es.‟

‟Glad to hear it. Otherwise, I was going to kidnap you.‟ Toby ran his hands up, wrapped them around Chris‛s neck, and simply held him. ‟You‛re not getting away from me again.‟

Chris sighed softly. Toby thought that was a pretty good answer. They‛d both fallen a long way since that balcony in Oz, but he was ready to keep his feet on the ground and Chris right beside him.   
Chris asked him the question again, and Toby stopped hugging him long enough to answer.

‟My face hurts like hell. Thanks for asking.

‟Yes, I know you were pissed off. You get that way. Good news - you didn‛t kill anyone.‟ Toby relaxed back, but kept his arm around him. ‟Do you know why they were so angry?‟

Chris grunted and admitted that he didn‛t.

‟They thought I‛d fucked you up the ass.‟ Toby had to wink. He wanted to and he thought they would at some point, but there was no rush. ‟If I was sick, I could give it to you that way.‟

Chris frowned. His next sign made Toby laugh. ‟Yes, really. Marsha makes things complicated. Spit has germs that can make a person sick, so does come. The sickness in come can kill.‟

Chris looked at his dick and then Toby‛s. Toby rushed to reassure him. ‟You‛re fine. I‛ll get tested, and then we‛ll know for sure. Until then, we have to keep our hands to ourselves. Okay? Let‛s do it for Marsha.‟

Chris kissed him. Toby was relieved. He felt guilty enough without making it worse. His lip ached and he settled back to watch TV. ‟You going home or staying over?‟

Chris kissed him on the side of the head. ‟Obe.‟

‟Got it.‟ They laughed together.

Toby relaxed. Now that the important stuff was out of the way, he had a surprise for Chris. Between the wedding and pneumonia, something had gotten lost in the shuffle, and it was time to find out if Chris still wanted it. Toby kissed him again and whispered, "The trike came."

Chris‛s eyes popped. His hands tightened on Toby‛s shoulders and Toby nodded. "It‛s here. Wanta see?"

Chris got in his chair faster than Toby had ever seen. Toby took him to the garage, but because of the stairs, they went out and around. Chris‛s face was intent, and when Toby raised the garage door, Chris actually ducked to go in faster.

"She‛s a beauty, huh?"

Chris rolled close, and Toby knew the plan. He went to the other side, but Chris didn‛t need help getting on. He sat up and that smile was so nice to see. Toby laughed and got on back. He wrapped his arms around tight, enjoying the feel of him, no chair in their way. "Let‛s go."

Chris laughed, and it was good to hear. Toby gave him another squeeze before going to sit in the wheelchair. "So, are you ready to get serious about your license?"

Hell yes - Chris said with his hands. Can we fuck on this?

Toby burst out laughing. "Not when it‛s parked in my mother‛s garage!" He rubbed his crotch. "I gotta get a test."

Chris turned a little and told him that Marsha should do it. She‛d want to know. Toby shrugged. He could track her down at work. It was a good idea, and might keep her from kicking him in the nuts.

"She‛ll believe the results that way. Okay, so you have to get a driver‛s license and a motorcycle license. There are two written exams and the driving test. Now, if you take a class from Rick, you don‛t have to take a driving test on the trike."

Chris frowned, and Toby wasn‛t going to push it. Chris could make up his own mind. Did you plan that?

"The powers that be do not listen to me, ever. The good news is that your picture is going to be great. I always look like a geek."

Chris groaned and agreed to take the course. Toby was relieved but he was careful not to show it. Chris was a natural, but it didn‛t hurt to remind him about blinkers. Toby helped him back into his chair, and Chris dragged him down for a long kiss.

"Rick has a class starting in two weeks."

Why the fuck is the trike here then? Chris gave him a look as if he were an idiot.

Toby rubbed his forehead. "I didn‛t know what you‛d say! I‛ll have him come get it. Sheesh!"

Chris grinned that shitty one. Toby flipped him off. "And I‛m going to need your first month‛s insurance."

Suck my dick.

Toby looked at the dirty floor and seriously considered it, but his mother was liable to check up on them. "I wish. Stop teasing me."

Chris smiled, and they went back in the house. Toby offered him a guest bedroom, but they ended up wrapped together on the couch. It was Chris‛s fault. He wouldn‛t let Toby go. Toby smiled and turned off the TV. 

Toby took Chris home after breakfast and then made his way out to the prison hospital. The ride was about thirty minutes, and it gave him time to call Rick. Toby signed in, got a visitor‛s badge, and started for Marsha‛s office. She wasn‛t there, or in the lounge, or in the cafeteria. He was always half-a-step behind her. She moved through the hospital like a whirlwind. He finally spotted her in a long hallway.

‟Marsha! Stop! For the love of God, please.‟

She turned and frowned. ‟What the hell are you doing here?‟

‟I thought, maybe, that you‛d want to do my test. So you‛d know.‟ Toby tried to look confident. ‟I can leave.‟

‟No!‟ Marsha took him by the arm in a tight grip. ‟I‛ll do it. Did Chris send you?‟

‟Yes.‟ Toby told the truth. He stared down the hallway. It had to be a half a mile long. ‟Is this the hallway that Chris caused trouble up and down?‟

Marsha smiled. ‟Yes, and I‛m glad he‛s gone. I thought ...‟

‟That he‛d die here,‟ Toby finished for her. ‟He‛s a very lucky man to have you and Johnny. No one appreciates that more than I do.‟

Marsha started pulling. ‟Come on. That‛s sweet and all, but I have patients to see.‟

Toby followed her to a lab, took a seat in the chair that she pointed out, and watched her get ready. ‟I was very stupid not to get a test earlier.‟

‟Damn straight.‟ Marsha came over with a handful of tubes. ‟Since you‛re here, I‛m going to test for everything.‟

Toby thought she was getting her revenge by draining him dry, but he wisely said nothing about it. He smiled and put out his arm. ‟I didn‛t think doctors did this sort of thing.‟

‟We don‛t, but I‛m making a special case for you.‟ Marsha lifted the needle. ‟Now, I wonder how hard I should push. It‛s been years since I did this.‟

Toby swallowed hard. He hoped she was joking. Searching for another subject to take his mind off the needle, he asked, ‟Have you noticed that Chris is talking more?‟

‟I have. His brain is re-routing the damaged pathways. I wish he‛d say more than your name and fuck off however.‟ Marsha tied his arm and stuck the needle.

‟But you‛re not angry about it.‟ Toby controlled a wince. ‟What about his legs? Any improvement there?‟

‟Not really. Johnny thinks Chris has hit his limit, but he may surprise us. He has before.‟ Marsha filled the first tube. ‟We didn‛t even know he could stand on his own until he did it.‟

‟That sounds like him.‟ Toby hesitated, but he felt as if he needed to explain a few things. ‟They told us he was dead.‟

‟And you cried for days.‟ Marsha rolled her eyes and started on number two.

‟No. I didn‛t cry at all.‟ Toby saw her glare at him, but he hadn‛t, and he wouldn‛t lie about it. ‟Chris fell. I was brought up on charges of manslaughter, but before they could try me, Em City became a biohazard wasteland. I ended up at Rikers in twenty-four hour lockdown.‟

Marsha filled the last one. ‟They found you innocent?‟

‟No. They dropped the charges, and I was so fucked up that I didn‛t even ask why.‟

‟Because he wasn‛t dead.‟ Marsha flipped the tie off. ‟Did he really break your arms?‟

Toby rubbed where the worst break had been. ‟And he held me down while another man broke my legs. I went kinda crazy and shanked him.‟

Marsha wrote on the tubes and filled out paperwork. She looked up and the pen flicked in his direction. ‟Now listen to me. This is Chris‛s doctor talking. Chris should continue to live with Johnny. They have a good relationship, and Johnny is able to work Chris‛s legs and back properly. I‛m asking you to leave that situation alone.‟

‟I haven‛t asked Chris to move out, and I don‛t think he wants that.‟ Toby had thought about it until his head ached. ‟But I want to live close by so we can see each other daily.‟

‟If your momma lets you off the chain, I‛m good with that.‟ She put everything away. ‟Allen! Rush on this!‟

‟You bet!‟

Toby watched his blood go to get tested. He was sure he was clean, but this would make them all feel better. ‟When can Chris and I make out again?‟

Marsha crossed her arms. ‟Johnny didn‛t hit you near hard enough.‟ She brushed by him on her way to the door. ‟I have patients.‟

Toby didn‛t try to keep up with her. He made his way back out to the front desk and went through the process of getting out of here. It might be a hospital, but it was still a prison.

*********

Chris rolled to the window and stared out. It was turning colder, and he hated that. Snow and ice made getting to the gym or the park hard. Hopefully, he could still take the trike class. He stared down at the book that Holly had given him. She was a great kid. Harry was too. The phone rang, and he went to get it. He picked it up and waited, hoping it was Toby.

‟Hi, Chris. It‛s Toby. Having a good day?‟

Chris didn‛t even try to say anything. He wasn‛t happy with being alone all day.

‟Yeah. It sucks here too. Marsha took nearly every drop of blood in my body!‟ Toby laughed, and it made Chris smile. ‟Want to get lunch?‟

Chris whistled loudly into the phone.

‟I fucking hate it when you do that. Give me fifteen.‟ Toby hung up. Chris grinned and put it down. He went to put his book away in his room. Glancing up at the new poster on his wall, he smiled. Someone had taken a picture of him winning in Philadelphia, and Toby had found a way to get it made big. They‛d hung it above the trophies.

Toby was good to him. Chris never wanted to remember the terrible things that he‛d done to him in prison. Hearing about it and knowing that it was true was bad enough. He stroked his fingers along the bottom of the frame. That was where he wanted to be - out racing, not in here rotting like old fruit.

‟Hey! You home?‟

Chris pulled his head out of his ass and went to Toby. Toby smiled and kissed him. Chris loved every touch he was able to get. He tugged Toby down for another one.

‟Okay. One more and I‛m going to get us in trouble with Marsha.‟ Toby grinned. ‟Let‛s get lunch and talk. I have news.‟

Chris sighed. He‛d rather fuck, but Marsha would get mad, and there was nothing worse than a mad doctor. She had needles and stuff. He saw that Toby wasn‛t happy about it either though, and that made it easier. Chris got his key and found his coat. He wasn‛t hungry, but he‛d go anywhere with Toby. Toby got the outer door, and Chris pointed at Toby‛s car.

‟How about that little diner? It‛s a nice enough day to walk.‟ Toby zipped his coat. He caught Chris by the hand and held on. Chris loved that about him. He never treated Chris different because of the fucking chair. They cut through the park, and Chris wasn‛t in a hurry. He stopped by the pond.

‟What is it?‟ Toby smiled and sank down a bench near Chris. Chris asked for the news. He didn‛t want to wait.

‟Oh, well. Angus is coming back from his honeymoon next week, so I‛m signing papers today on an apartment. The kids and I are moving on Saturday.‟

Chris was surprised. ‟O,‟ he said slowly. He wanted to know where, so he asked, but he was afraid of the answer.

‟Are you hungry, or should I show you?‟ Toby was smiling. Chris made a fist and showed it to him. Toby laughed. ‟Now that was clear. Can I steer?‟

Chris told him yes. He didn‛t mind a surprise. Toby took the handles, and they were moving. If they were walking, it couldn‛t be far, and Chris reached back and put his hand on Toby‛s chest. Toby made a soft sound that Chris liked.

‟Is this close enough?‟ Toby asked softly. ‟I‛d like to live on your lap, but I think my kids would laugh.‟

Chris saw that it was the building next door to his. He smiled. This would be a good thing. Toby was buzzed inside, and he knocked on a door that was on the first floor.

‟Hey, Chris, what are you doing hanging out with this rich man?‟

Chris shook the guy‛s hand. He ran this building, and Chris liked him okay. He wasn‛t an asshole. Toby laughed. ‟Chris puts up with me.‟ They shook hands. ‟Everything ready?‟

‟You sure you want to lock into a one year lease? I do allow six months.‟

‟I‛m very sure.‟ Toby waved Chris into the office first and sat down in a chair. ‟Did you make the slight modification that I asked for?‟

‟It‛ll be done by Saturday. They‛re up there working right now, so stay out.‟

Toby started signing papers. Chris didn‛t understand what they were talking about, but he was sure that if it was important, Toby would tell him. The guy smiled and handed Toby some keys. ‟Welcome to the building.‟

‟Thanks.‟ Toby stood, and they shook hands again. He looked at Chris. ‟Help us move on Saturday?‟

Chris signed yes. He could carry a box or two. Toby opened the door, and they said goodbye, and he waited until the guy was gone. ‟Elevator,‟ Toby whispered. Chris beat it over there with him, and they went up.

‟We‛re going to check on the workers. Okay?‟ Toby pushed a key in a slot on the wall. Chris had never seen Toby break the rules. It made him smile. The elevator didn‛t stop until the top floor and it opened out to an apartment. Toby let him go first, but Chris didn‛t go too far. There were two steps down into the main room. The guys working looked at them.

Toby smiled. ‟How‛s the work going?‟

One of them stood and came over. ‟It would help if we knew what we were doing!‟

Toby put his hand on Chris‛s shoulder. ‟You‛re getting rid of the stairs so my friend here can come visit.‟

The guy looked at him. ‟Chris? The racer?‟

Chris tentatively stuck out his hand. He wasn‛t used to people knowing who he was. It made him nervous. The guy shook it. ‟Well, damn. I get it now. You want a sloping ramp with a low enough grade that he can go up and down easily.‟

‟Exactly. These stairs were a stupid idea.‟

‟This building was refurbished into apartments. The elevator and the main floor had a conflict.‟ The guy laughed. ‟Now that I know what the hell I‛m supposed to do, we‛ll tear them out.‟

‟Good,‟ Toby said.

Chris rolled a little farther, the other two guys got out of the way, and he popped down the stairs. He wanted to see the rest of the place. He‛d deal with getting up them when he had to. No carpet, and that was good, three big bedrooms, and one with a bath, a main room, a kitchen with room for a table, another bathroom, and a door that led out to a concrete deck. This place was big enough for a family, and he turned to find Toby‛s blue eyes staring at him.

‟Holly and Harry are excited about living here. The park is a big plus, and the gym has a pool.‟

Chris asked about their school.

‟Don‛t know that one.‟ Toby frowned. ‟But their school isn‛t too far away, and I‛ll take them like I usually do.‟

Chris liked this place. It was big enough that he wouldn‛t be bumping into things as long as Toby didn‛t load the place up with ugly furniture. ‟S‛oay.‟

‟Glad you like it.‟ Toby looked over his shoulder, shut the door, and came to him. Chris was surprised when Toby went to one knee in front of him. ‟I hope you know that I want to live with you. It‛s just that-‟

Chris frowned. He didn‛t understand. Toby wanted to live with him, but wouldn‛t? He leaned and touched him, asking for an answer.

Toby sighed. ‟Marsha said that you should stay with Johnny because he helps you in ways that I can‛t. I know you care for him, and I don‛t want to make your life harder. But, I had to tell you that I love you and I want to be with you.‟

Chris took a deep breath. He did want to live with Toby, but he didn‛t want to leave Johnny. It was a mess. Toby wanted him. Wanted him. He rubbed his mouth and wished he had more words. Using his hands wasn‛t as satisfying. He did though. He told him.

‟Chris, we‛ve been through hell together and out the other side. I love you, and I hope that you can love me. I‛m still an asshole, and you‛ve become a better man.‟

Chris didn‛t believe that. He kissed him. Toby believed in him, wanted him. It felt good inside him.

l love you.

‟Thank God.‟ Toby laughed and smiled. ‟Are we living close enough together?‟

Chris thought so - for now. He might ask for more later, but that was later. Right now, he was happy, and those dreams he had about falling were gone. He had Toby to keep him safe on the ground.

*********

Toby nearly threw his pizza slice in the air when Marsha came bursting into the apartment. Holly and Harry both jumped a good foot, but Chris made no move whatsoever. Toby had to laugh. ‟Has anyone ever told her not to do that?‟

Chris shook his head and chewed.

Marsha looked at the kids. ‟Small humans. Interesting. Toby, we need to talk. Chris‛s bedroom. Now.‟

Toby got moving. He shut the door and leaned against it. ‟You scared the shit out of me!‟

‟You‛ll live.‟ Marsha held out a file. ‟I got your results today. You don‛t have HIV - how is a damn miracle in the rain - and you don‛t have any other STD‛s. Now that doesn‛t mean that you can skip the condom.‟ She frowned and slapped him with the papers. ‟Infect Chris, and I‛ll make that call to Johnny‛s cousin.‟

‟Not gonna happen.‟ Toby had no intention of cheating on Chris. Chris might kill him. ‟Thanks for the news. You staying for pizza?‟

‟Of course.‟ Marsha opened the door and left him behind. She helped herself and found a place to sit.

Holly smiled. ‟We haven‛t seen you since that time at the lake.‟

‟I‛m still around.‟ Marsha didn‛t smile. ‟When‛s Johnny getting here?‟

‟He had a date,‟ Toby said and winked at Chris. ‟Chris thought she was cute.‟

Marsha rolled her eyes. Toby took a bite and watched the four of them talk. He was clean. They could have sex again, and he almost got hard thinking about it. Marsha caught his attention. ‟You rented the penthouse next door?‟

‟Well, yeah.‟ Toby hoped that wasn‛t a bad thing. ‟It‛s big enough for the three of us. This building doesn‛t have more than a two bedroom apartment.‟

‟Settle down there. No big deal. Just, why aren‛t you guys over there?‟

Harry laughed. ‟Dad said that he was going to puke if he had to look at the view one more minute.‟

Toby blushed all the way down to his toes. He glared at his son. ‟I have this thing about heights. It‛s better than it used to be, but I‛d had enough for one day. I have curtains on order.‟

Chris touched him on the arm. Toby looked deep in those blue eyes and knew that Chris understood why. They had fallen and fallen together. It was over, but the memories lingered. Toby smiled for him.

‟Stop it, guys. I‛m gonna puke,‟ Marsha said and snorted. The kids laughed, and Toby went back to his pizza. Chris and Holly had a long conversation about the tests coming up, and Harry quizzed Marsha about what being a doctor was like. Toby listened, but he mostly watched. He‛d never thought that his life would come to this place. Oz had taught him that life sucked, and he should always be ready for the worst. Chris had helped teach him that, and yet, here they were, happy. It seemed impossible. He wasn‛t the same man that had been sent to Oz, and Chris wasn‛t either. Chris tapped him on the leg and smiled. Toby returned it. He might have fallen, but he‛d landed next to Chris, and that was where he wanted to be.

********

"The young lady can translate," the guy in the uniform said, "but no cheating. Can I trust you?"

"Yes, sir," Holly said. Chris knew she wouldn‛t, even if he asked.

Toby kissed him on the forehead. "You‛ll do great. You‛re ready."

I‛m a fucking idiot. Chris didn‛t have much hope now that he was here. Sure, he‛d studied, but he was stupid.

"No, you‛re not." Holly took Chris by the chin. "Now I‛ve worked hard on this, and you‛re gonna pass or I‛m going to kick your butt!"

Chris saw Toby hide a smile.

"Let‛s get started."

Chris nodded, and Toby left them. He‛d said that he‛d wait by the van. Chris bit his lower lip, and Holly took him by the hand. "If you can do prison, you can do this."

Prison is easy. This is hard, but let‛s do it.

"He‛s ready."

*********

Toby paced, tried to read, drank his soda, went to piss, paced, and tugged his hair once or twice. He wasn‛t worried. He was frantic. If Chris failed, he‛d think he was stupid forever. Fuck the license - what mattered what his self-esteem. Chris needed this. Holly swore that he was ready, and Toby prayed his daughter was right.

Chris had passed the course that Rick gave - easily. That had been the first step. Chris didn‛t have to drive a car. He just had to pass two written tests. Just. Toby rubbed his face. He had to stay calm. His phone rang, and he snapped it open.

"He done yet?"

"No." Toby went back to pacing. "You going to my place soon?"

"Did you get someone to cook?"

Toby sighed. "Asshole."

"You did. Good. You suck at food." Johnny laughed. "Marsha is with me. Anyone else?"

"Rick said he‛d stop by." Toby sat on the bumper of the van. "The trouble those two could find together makes me sweat."

"Chris knows better." Johnny paused. "I hope. Did you get your license?"

"Last week. Rick said that I sucked but he would pass me because Chris wasn‛t going to let me drive anyway." Toby had rarely been so insulted. He‛d have punched him, but Chris had told him to settle down. Now, from a man that loved nothing better than a good fight, it was damn odd. It had given Toby pause. "Hey, since you‛ve known Chris, has he ever been in a fight?"

"Only with you." Johnny still sounded pissed about that. "He told me that he hates it."

"Did he say why?" Toby didn‛t bring up the time Chris had punched Johnny in the jaw. That hadn‛t been a fight.

"He said it was stupid. Okay, so is he done yet?"

"No." Toby sighed. "I‛ll call when they come out." He shut the phone. Chris didn‛t like to fight, and he‛d given up beer for him. Thank God he was still horny, or Toby would think the world was ending. Oh, Chris was still an ass. He had a great ass. Toby pulled his mind out of the gutter. Things had changed but not that. His phone rang again.

"What?"

"Tobias, this is your mother."

Oops. "Sorry." Toby got back up to pace. "How are you?"

"We‛re fine. Angus told me that you‛re having a party tonight."

"Not really, but I did get someone to cook." Toby frowned and wondered at her motives. "Would you like to come?"

"Angus and Angie are coming over." She hesitated a long time, but Toby didn‛t push her. She sighed softly. "This is what you want, isn‛t it?"

"Yes." He kept it simple. Since he‛d moved out, they‛d barely spoken, and not about Chris.

"Is there something we can bring?"

Toby smiled. He did love his mother. "Anything but alcohol. Thanks, Mother. I love you."

"I love you, Tobias." She hung up, and he smiled at the phone. It had practically taken an act of Congress, but she was beginning to accept it. He turned and almost fell over Chris.

"Tell me what happened."

Chris didn‛t smile, and Toby‛s heart dropped through the concrete, and then he held up his license. Toby grabbed it and shouted for joy, "Hot damn!"

Chris grinned and took it back. He stared down at it. Maybe, I‛m not so dumb?

"Chris, you were never stupid, just ... hurt." Toby pointed at him. "And you take a much better picture than I do." He looked around. "Did you lose Holly?"

Bathroom. I owe her something big.

"She did it because she loves you. Wow, we‛re gonna have fun now!" Toby laughed. "Want to call Johnny?"

Chris smiled, and Toby gave him the phone. Holly came out of the building, and Toby hugged her. "Thank you, my lovely daughter."

She smiled. "Think I‛ll get a car on my sweet sixteen?"

"I can pretty much guarantee that Chris will buy you one." He kissed her on the forehead. "I‛m proud of you."

"Es," Chris said into the phone. "Es!"

Holly and Toby laughed. Chris handed him the phone. Toby said, "We‛ll see you at my place."

Toby kissed them both, and they all piled in the van. He‛d switched vehicles with Johnny for the day. "Tomorrow, we‛ll go for a long ride."

"Not too far, Dad. You can‛t leave the state unless you get permission, remember?"

"Oh, yeah." Even the thought of his parole couldn‛t dim this moment. Chris signed something, but Toby didn‛t get it. He was trying to drive.

"Chris wants to know what‛s for dinner," Holly said.

"Anything he wants, baby!" Toby laughed. He parked carefully, and they went inside Toby‛s apartment building.

Should I call Marsha?

Chris managed to look slightly shy, and Toby tried to keep his smile off his face. "Gotta tell Rick too."

Chris nodded, and the elevator opened to the apartment. Toby smiled at the quick look of astonishment that passed over Chris‛s face. This was better than Christmas.

*********

Chris stood and gave Janet a kiss and a hug goodbye. She was special. Toby walked her out to her car, and Chris hoped she had been paid well. She‛d made a tremendous amount of food, and they‛d eaten a good share of it.

The party was down to just Johnny and Marsha, and they looked half-asleep. It had been great. Everyone had come, even Roy and Louetta. Toby‛s mother showing up had been a shock, but she‛d been polite. She loved Toby, and that counted for a lot. Chris had made sure to be very nice to her. Angus and Angie had taken the kids for the weekend. Chris didn‛t know why, but he wasn‛t going to argue. He hadn‛t stayed here yet, but he might get lucky tonight.

"God, I‛m full," Johnny said with a groan.

"You should be," Marsha said and laughed. "Good to see Janet. The woman can cook."

Toby got off the elevator and collapsed on the sofa. "I may have to puke."

Not again! Chris rolled over to him. Fun party. Can we do this next weekend?

"Hell, no." Toby rubbed his stomach. "I should never have tried to keep up with Rick."

Chris agreed with that. It was stupid as hell. He‛s huge. You‛re not.

"Thanks. I‛m sorry, but he‛s always looking at me like I‛m some sort of damn wimp!"

"Well, shit, Toby, you shouldn‛t have told him that you were Chris‛s bitch!" Johnny started laughing, and Marsha joined in. "Oh, fuck, that‛s funny."

Toby rubbed his face. Chris smiled. You aren‛t, but were you?

"No!" Toby yelled. "I was just being an asshole. I should‛ve kept my mouth shut."

"No shit." Marsha laughed some more. "Chris got laid more in prison than Johnny ever did out!"

"Now that‛s not true!"

Toby laughed now. Chris adjusted his dick in his jeans. He was tired of talking, and the kids were gone, and he had some things he wanted to do. You two go home. Toby and I got business.

Marsha got to her feet. "I‛m getting food to take with me."

"Let‛s get the last of the shrimp." Johnny was right behind her. Toby eased off the couch and hooked his thumb at the bedroom. Chris followed him. Clothes hit the floor, and Toby got them under the covers. Chris held him close.

"I need some sleep," Toby whispered. Chris rubbed him on the stomach and watched him fall asleep. Toby had known that Chris would succeed. He‛d set up a party. He‛d believed. Chris ran his hand back and felt the dent. He‛d been hurt, yes, and he knew he wasn‛t smart, but maybe he wasn‛t dumb. It wasn‛t his fault that people didn‛t know sign language, and he had more words than ever. Toby believed in him. Chris settled against him and kissed him gently.

Not stupid. Chris shut his eyes. He‛d think about it more tomorrow.

*********

Marsha hit the number on her speed dial. ‟Hey, sister.‟

‟Marsha, it‛s good to hear your voice.‟ Gloria sounded tired, but they were doctors so it came with the territory. ‟How‛s Chris?‟

‟Chris is happy.‟ Marsha smiled. ‟He‛s slowly learning to read again. He got his driver‛s license, and he‛s a holy terror on that trike of his.‟

‟Toby still around?‟

‟Can‛t get a piece of paper between them.‟ Marsha hadn‛t approved at first, but she did now. ‟They had an argument about some race the other day, and them making up was the grossest thing I‛ve ever seen.‟

Gloria laughed. ‟I can imagine. And Chris‛s legs? Will he ever walk again?‟

‟His back is stronger. He can stand for longer periods of time. Never know.‟ Marsha wasn‛t going to count him out. ‟How are you and ... your friend?‟

‟I like Rikers, and my friend works here in the hospital now.‟ Gloria paused. ‟Toby told you, huh?‟

‟I forced it out of him.‟ Marsha didn‛t feel a bit guilty. She‛d been curious. ‟Thanksgiving is at Toby‛s place. Why don‛t you come? His mother is going to the Hamptons to be with relatives, so we‛re clear there.‟

There was a long moment of silence. Gloria sighed softly. ‟Thanks. I‛d like that.‟

‟I‛ll pick you up.‟ Marsha made a note to tell Toby. ‟You did good work with Chris. I‛m sure he‛d thank you, if he could remember.‟

‟You did most of it.‟ Gloria wasn‛t big on taking the credit. ‟Do we have to watch football?‟

‟Uh, yeah.‟ Marsha grinned. Chris would kill anyone that tried to change the channel. ‟Later, girlfriend.‟

‟Bye, and thanks for calling.‟

Marsha tucked her phone away. She‛d been right. Of all her patients, over years of practice, Chris had come the farthest, and he wasn‛t finished. She smiled at the photo of him on her desk. He‛d drawn a heart on it. He was such a softie. She checked her watch, tossed her lunch in the drawer, and went back to her patients.

*********  
Epilogue

"Don‛t get in trouble, Chris."

Chris nodded and hugged him. "O orries."

Johnny gave him a hard squeeze. "I hope you meant, ‛No worries.‛"

Chris smiled. He got on the trike and slapped Johnny‛s hand. Toby and Johnny collapsed the new wheelchair and strapped it to the tagalong. Johnny glanced at Toby, and Toby hugged him.

"Call."

"We might." Toby turned him loose and got on the back. Chris snugged him that much closer. He started the engine and revved it. They‛d said goodbye to everyone now, and they weren‛t going to be gone that long. Toby would miss his kids, but they were in camp all week, so it was time to go. Chris beat the light, and they were going, and it felt good. Toby laughed. "I think we‛re finally free."

Chris sped up. He didn‛t need to be free, not any longer. He had everything he needed right behind him.

********

Toby collapsed on the bed, letting his helmet drop to the floor. He was amazed at how worn out he was from sitting on his ass most of the day. "You gonna let me drive tomorrow?"

Chris threw an ice cube at him. Toby laughed. "Can‛t believe I‛m off parole."

Geek like you? They were probably tired of laughing.

"That‛s not nice. I‛m a dangerous man. You know it." Toby put his hands behind his head. He didn‛t know how far they‛d get before they had to turn around and go back, but they were going. "Am I whining?"

Chris rolled to the bed, stood, and got on top of him. "Es. Uck my ick."

"I‛m too tired." Toby wrestled with him, but there was no way to win. "Love you."

"Ov u." Chris kissed him hard. "Uck me."

Toby took off his shirt. He wasn‛t really arguing. "Chris, Marsha told me she wants you to learn words that have nothing to do with sex."

"Yah, yah." Chris licked Toby‛s nipple. Toby groaned. He shut his eyes and the world fell away from him. This was enough, too much, always had been, and he‛d hang on until the end. God wouldn‛t know what hit him.

********  
End

Author‛s notes: This story was put in my head by Nickleback and their song ‛Savin Me‛ so I guess you could say I‛ve committed the sin of songfic. *shudders* I started the story Aug 20, 2006, finished it within a month, and then wrote two more scenes including the epilogue a year later. I‛m still not happy with the ending. I researched head injuries and side effects thereof, wheelchair racing, trikes, and sign language. Mostly, it was fun, and I want to thank again all the people that helped on this one: colleendetroit, watergal, and viggofest, who gave it an early read through and gave me wonderful encouragement - you guys were awesome. In some ways, I really didn‛t want to post this because then I had to stop tinkering with it! If I ever do write Oz again *no promises* it will probably be in this ‛verse as I have wondered if Chris ever moved in with Toby, and if Victoria ever got over that stick up her ass, and when exactly Marsha was going to break and kick Toby in the shin. *g*

If I haven‛t mentioned it, thanks for reading.


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